Wednesday, November 30, 2011

B-U-S-T-E-D

Setting: The front desk at my office.  The phone rings around 4:30pm as it is beginning to get dark and the rain is pouring down.

Me: ABC Chiropractic.  This is Michelle. How may I help you?

Isaac: Yo, Mom, I turned in all my work this week, can I go bicycling with the guys? (Understand in recent weeks we've enacted the rule that we check his grades online each week and if there are any zeroes for work not turned in there are no social activities for the following week, including biking with the guys.)

Me: I am not at home to check the website and verify the homework situation, plus it's raining, plus it's nearly dark.

Isaac: Pleeeeaaaase....

(At this moment  patient steps to the desk to checkout.)

Me: I need to put you on hold, I have a patient to take care of, okay?.....Okay? (hearing no reply I opt not to push the hold button in case he thinks he's been disconnected. I turn to the patient)  Ok, When do you need to see the doctor again?

Patient: Thursday evening, please.

Me: No problem.

(I turn to the computer to make the appointment and hear a muffled voice in my ear)

Isaac: (thinking he is on hold) Dude, my mom is so ridiculous!  She doesn't want me to bike in the rain, like I'm going to melt.  Oh and you know we haven't had white bread in the house for like TWO YEARS!  And we always have to eat fruit and vegetables and they are all organic.  She makes me go to the chiropractor all the time and if I get hit in a game she wants me adjusted because (in mocking voice) "Your spine is going to get messed up."  And this whole homework rule is really pissing me off.  Can you believe I'm not allowed to go mountain biking tonight because I didn't turn in a 5 point assignment last week?

(I stifle guffaws as I schedule the patient and take payment) 

Patient: (smiling quizzically) What's so funny?

Me: My kid thinks he is on hold.  I am hearing him tell his friend how mean I am making him eat right and turn in school work and generally awful things like that.

Patient: (laughing) You're terrible.

Me: (nodding) Call me the Great Oppressor.

Isaac: (demandingly) Mom? Mom? So I can go right?

Me: (excessively sweetly) What's that, darling son who hates to eat well, get adjusted, and who thinks my rules are so unfair?

Isaac: (stunned)  Uh..what?

Me: Well, it seems you're somewhat unhappy about something.

Isaac: (worried) How much did you hear?

Me: (with great relish and stifling chuckles) Every single word.

Isaac: (suddenly conciliatory) Uh, ok, so I guess I won't be biking.  See you at home.

Me: (smugly) Glad we have that all sorted out.

20 comments:

silly rabbit said...

Aw... that warms my heart! GOOD MOM! In spite of the fact you are so heartlessly mean and caring! LOL!

Moannie said...

You is da biz, Lime. Thanks for that it actually was heart-warming, 'cos Isaac obviously adores you.

cube said...

Oh, that poor child having a mom like you ;-)

haphazardlife said...

Oh Lime, you're so evil. I love that about you.

Craig said...

Well, you didn't have to be smug. . .

;)

Thanks for the encouragement. We hear pretty much the exact same things. . .

(And just between Isaac and me, the issue w/ biking in the rain - especially after dark - isn't that he might get wet; it's that the drivers of the 3000-lb vehicles that go 50 mph can't SEE him. . .)

Bijoux said...

My kids don't call me, EVER! I know how weird that sounds. They also don't respond to my texts, if that tells you anything.

Suldog said...

It always pays to be absolutely certain that the authority figure you're making fun of cannot actually hear the jokes at their expense.

Delicious.

Hilary said...

Snort.. he still has a lot to learn about you. ;)

It reminds me of the time my then middle school-aged son proudly showed me a test paper for which he got a pretty good mark. What he forgot about was the note on the back which had been passed back and forth between himself and a buddy which gave clear indication that he'd been to an unsupervised drinking party when he was supposed to be at a movie with a friend and his parents and a subsequent overnight.

It makes our job so much easier when they incriminate themselves.

Barbara Shallue said...

Sweet justice! Moments like that make parenting fun!

Craver Vii said...

Yea Mom!

Kat said...

HAHAHA!!!!!!
Lime- 1
Issac- 0

Awesome. :)

witnessing am i said...

Oh you are a mean one, Ms. Lime.

As bad as that was, it wasn't so bad at all. Could have been a lot worse. I think that says a lot about you.

Glad it was solved calmly and glad you were able to fit that patient in on Thursday. Bless you.

Dave said...

Oooww Michelle, you are so mean! But I like it! You showed him who's boss! - Dave

Beach Bum said...

LOL!!!!!!

Got to love teenagers! Of course I want to send mine to a military school at least once a week.

Jocelyn said...

It helps me to read his perspective because, before now, I really had no idea how much he has to put up with. Poor kid. His mom really sucks.

lecram said...

Classic!

Dianne said...

this brings back fond memories
my son is now 38
trust me, even that age has issues!

stand strong :)

coopernicus said...

well played...ahhh the agony of defeat

secret agent woman said...

I get a kick of kids when they are sure they know so much more than we do.

~Tim said...

Priceless!