As part of my job I am required to make daily confirmation calls for appointments. As such I get to hear an absurd number of voice mail messages. Most of them are pretty standard but some of them stand out. Allow me to share.
Hi, this is Mary. I'm REALLY sorry I'm not available. I promise to call you back as soon as I can if you leave me a message.
On the surface it seems pretty standard but the apologetic tone and earnest promise make me wonder why she seems to have such a guilt complex about phone messages.
Hi, this is Jack and Jill, we're probably home but just screening our calls in case we don't want to talk to you. You can leave a message but if we don't return it you probably shouldn't bother calling back...ever.
Alrighty then, so much for social conventions. On a positive note, it's one less person I have to call, right?
Hi, this is Jane. You may not like leaving messages but I like hang-ups even less so just leave me a message when it beeps.
What if I have a hang-up about leaving messages?
I like smiling. It's my favorite. What's your favorite?
Literally, that's all the voice mail says. No identification. No request for a message. It tempts me to respond with, "My favorite is when grown people sound like they have brains in their skulls instead of like they were abducted by some weird airport dwelling cult."
Revelation 3:20 says Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with with me. Please don't miss this opportunity to accept Christ's invitation...etc, etc...(insert mini sermon you think may use up whatever space is on voicemail) . Please leave a message and consider reading God's message in the Bible.
Father, forgive me for the violent thoughts I had waiting to be able to leave my message.
This is Susan, I can't come to the phone right now but if you leave a message with your name and number I'll return your call as soon as possible. I bid you a good day and good thoughts.
Good thoughts? Good idea. I needed the reminder.
At one point during my call list I wondered aloud how many minutes of my life have been spent waiting for the beep. Ironically, we had a very math oriented patient in the waiting room who overheard me and decided this was a question he had to answer. According to him I spend between 45-60 minutes a week waiting for the beep. I think I preferred when it was a rhetorical question.