Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Oh Hell No!

Hell No #1

So Mr. Lime, Isaac, and I went out for dinner.  The waitress came to take our drink order.  Mr. Lime ordered a Guinness.  I ordered a hard cider.  The waitress looked at Isaac and asked what he wanted.  He was flipping around in the menu trying to find where they listed the sodas they had available.  He could not find it.  The waitress reached over and handed my 16 year old son the cocktail menu.  Being either relatively innocent or trying to make sure he didn't get in trouble he began looking in there for the soda menu.  The waitress began showing him where the beer listing was.  Finally, Mr. Lime interjected with some firmness, "He'll have a ROOT BEER."  Isaac looked up in his consternation and added with relief, "Yeah, root beer.  I like root beer.  That's what I'd like. Thank you."

His father an I were looking at each other in incredulity.  Granted Isaac is 6'2" and often passes for older than 16 but he does still have a face full of pimples...and we live in a college town...where underage drinking can be an issue...so most restaurants card anyone who appears to be under 30.  Isaac finally noticed our surprised expressions and gave an innocent, "What?  What's going on?"  I informed him that the waitress seemed to think he was legal to drink.  Isaac was deflated to realize he had missed what he thought was a golden opportunity.


Hell No #2

During the same dinner I ordered my second pint of hard cider.  I am not a heavy or even frequent drinker by any stretch of the imagination but I do know how to pace myself so I don't often get tipsy and very rarely get drunk.  Mr. Lime has seen me legless only twice in 25 years.  However, this was less than a week after surgery and halfway through my second pint I noted with surprise that I was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol.  Given that I had been sipping not slurping and that I had food in my stomach I surmised I was still working out some of the drugs in my system if it were hitting me this quickly and stated my intention to slow down.  Isaac was piqued.  "You're drunk?" I told him I was feeling the effects but not trashed.

"Well chug it, Mom!  I want to see you drunk!"

"Not on your life, boy."

"Dad, have you ever seen Mom drunk?  What's she like?"

I arched a single eyebrow at Mr. Lime suggesting he choose his words carefully as I remembered that the second time he saw me completely blasted was only last summer and that the friends we were with found it so hilarious they are still talking about it.  He just smiled and said, "Happy.  She's just a reeeeeeaaally happy drunk."  Which is true and all the boy ever needs to know.

17 comments:

Just Me said...

Now *I* want to see it too! ;)

Bijoux said...

#1 Hello No: I've had arguments with folks in these parts who are convinced that it's legal for minors to drink alcohol in a restaurant if their parent is with them. I cannot find anything liek that online for our state, nor do I know anyone in the restaurant business to ask.

#2 Hell No: Hmmmm. I don't think my kids would be able to tell the difference between my 'normal' self and my drunk self. I'm sort of mouthy and obnoxious both ways.

Daryl Edelstein said...

good post .. I would've bet you were a happy drunk ...

haphazardlife said...

Well of course you're a happy drunk.

Craig said...

I'm sure I've been legally drunk more than twice in my life (but probably not in the last 25 years). But I've only ever been hung-over once. Very non-habit-forming, that. . .

And hey, I'm a happy drunk, too! Maybe you and I should drink together. Or not. . . No, probably not. . .

Craver Vii said...

I've never seen my wife get even a little tipsy. But I'd like to. (big grin)

coopernicus said...

legless eh? Hmmmm. Does the Monkees concert count????

Craig said...

With a wink to Craver. . . Gin and tonics; does it to my wife every time. . .

;)

Mother Theresa said...

We've actually allow Catgirl to have a bit of Lambrusco or champagne on occasion. When we go to a restaurant we usually order wine, and if it's rosé, she'll have a little, not a whole glass. I figure it's better to let her have a little in a supervised situation, than have her do it behind our backs, which many of her friends do. Of course, the legal drinking age here is 18, and there's a whole different attitude towards it over here, so it's not as shocking as it might be in America.

Suldog said...

I can vouch for the non-legless part. As much as we tried to ply you with extra mojitos, so that we could steal your wallet and credit cards, you steadfastly refused to go beyond "pleasantly mellow". Curse you, O Willpower Personified!

Craig said...
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Craig said...
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IT (aka Ivan Toblog) said...

I keep coming back to comment. Then I remember I've nothing to say, other than I had a lot of experience ...none good.

Kat said...

Okay, I, for one, would LOVE to see you drunk. You are hilarious when you are stone cold sober, I can't imagine what happens when you have bit too much to drink. hehe

silly rabbit said...

Funny story... both parts. I once had a waitress set a steaming cup of coffee on my 9 month old baby's high chair tray. I thought grandpa was going to shred her!

She must have been on the last part of her shift, or possibly had not slept recently. Whatever, her brain clearly was closed for the night.

Secret Agent Woman said...

Myself, I'm a cuddly drunk. The kids don't need to see that.

Hilary said...

Happy is good. :)