1. Name five non-clothing items you might wear next to your skin while attending a Bar Mitzvah.
I only go to nudist Bar Mitzvahs so all I wear is my skin.
2. Who is your favorite proctologist…and why?
Sir Mixalot. Isn't it obvious?
3. They are going to name a breakfast cereal after your feet. What will it be called?
4. Given the choice between spontaneous combustion and a weekend with Michelle Bachman, which would you choose?
Michelle Bachman spontaneously combusting
5. What is your favorite tile grout?
Well it really depends on the job. If the gaps are small 9under 1/8") I'd go for an unsanded grout. For larger gaps between the tiles it's better to use sanded so you don't have excessive shrinkage during the curing process, which would cause the grout to pull away from the tiles. But for great results no matter what, epoxy grout is the way to go. Just understand it will be more expensive and a bit trickier to work with. (Yeah, sometimes it IS more humorous and surprising when I play it straight.)
6. It’s a new law…you have to get a tattoo of a celeb’s face. Who is it and where are they going?
The law doesn't state I have to get it on MY body so I will have the face of Snooki tattooed on the left cheek of the idiot who passed this law and the Situation tattooed on the right cheek. And no, I don't mean ass cheeks. The idiot gets to sport these blights on his face.
7. What is your favorite moldy fruit?
My cross-dressing step-uncle
8. What language do you find most unpleasant?
9. When was the last time you
The last time I saw a political ad.
10. What is your favorite dental instrument?
A drool suction tube tuned to the key of G.
11. Have you ever…you know…you know…with a head of cauliflower? or spinach?
No, I stick with root vegetables.
1. The dictionary will be re-organized. If it is no longer arranged alphabetically how do you propose entries be arranged?
2.Which garden vegetable would you most like to interview and why?
3. What is the best way you've discovered to skin a cat?
4. If a train departs Boston at 6:45 am EST heading due west at 78 mph and I have four oranges but Billy wants two of them how much will Susie earn babysitting the Murphy twins for an hour and a half?
5. Please explain string theory fully in 10 or fewer words.
6. What does the color chartreuse smell like?
7. I am giving you a skein of wool, 4 thumbtacks, a superball, and an institutional-sized can of tuna. You must create a work of art with only these items. What does it look like and what do you call it?
8. You are held in solitary confinement for 3 months with only a few dust bunnies rolling around your cell. Tell me about a conversation you have with the dust bunnies.
9. Please give me a reasonable explanation for Donald Trump's hair.
10. You have just formed a band called "Donald Trump's Hair." What type of music does your band play?