Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Coopernicus Made Me Do It

 I cannot ignore a meme challenge issued by Coopernicus.  He is every bit as demented as I am with regard to how he answers these things.  When he creates the questions he's even more so.  Here are my answers.  I create questions to follow though I won't specifically tag anyone.  Grab 'em if ya want and let me know to come read your answers.

1. Name five non-clothing items you might wear next to your skin while attending a Bar Mitzvah.
I only go to nudist Bar Mitzvahs so all I wear is my skin.


2. Who is your favorite proctologist…and why?
Sir Mixalot. Isn't it obvious?

3. They are going to name a breakfast cereal after your feet.  What will it be called?
Callous Flakes

4. Given the choice between spontaneous combustion and a weekend with Michelle Bachman, which would you choose?
Michelle  Bachman spontaneously combusting


5. What is your favorite tile grout?
Well it really depends on the job.  If the gaps are small 9under 1/8") I'd go for an unsanded grout.  For larger gaps between the tiles it's better to use sanded so you don't have excessive shrinkage during the curing process, which would cause the grout to pull away from the tiles.  But for great results no matter what, epoxy grout is the way to go.  Just understand it will be more expensive and a bit trickier to work with. (Yeah, sometimes it IS more humorous and surprising when I play it straight.)


6. It’s a new law…you have to get a tattoo of a celeb’s face.  Who is it and where are they going?
The law doesn't state I have to get it on MY body so I will have the face of Snooki tattooed on the left cheek of the idiot who passed this law and the Situation tattooed on the right cheek. And no, I don't mean ass cheeks.  The idiot gets to sport these blights on his face.


7. What is your favorite moldy fruit?
My cross-dressing step-uncle

8. What language do you find most unpleasant?
Politispeak

9. When was the last time you cried? gagged?
The last time I saw a political ad.


10. What is your favorite dental instrument?
A drool suction tube tuned to the key of G.

11. Have you ever…you know…you know…with a head of cauliflower?  or spinach?
No, I stick with root vegetables.


1. The dictionary will be re-organized.  If it is no longer arranged alphabetically how do you propose entries be arranged?

2.Which garden vegetable would you most like to interview and why?

3. What is the best way you've discovered to skin a cat?

4. If a train departs Boston at 6:45 am EST heading due west at 78 mph and I have four oranges but Billy wants two of them how much will Susie earn babysitting the Murphy twins for an hour and a half?

5. Please explain string theory fully in 10 or fewer words.

6. What does the color chartreuse smell like?

7.  I am giving you a skein of wool, 4 thumbtacks, a superball, and an institutional-sized can of tuna.  You must create a work of art with only these items.  What does it look like and what do you call it?

8. You are held in solitary confinement for 3 months with only a few dust bunnies rolling around your cell.  Tell me about a conversation you have with the dust bunnies.

9. Please give me a reasonable explanation for Donald Trump's hair.

10. You have just formed a band called "Donald Trump's Hair."  What type of music does your band play?

11. Why?

11 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

Very interesting questions. I'm shamefully deficient in answers.

Craig said...

#1 the First - Can you score me an invite to one of those nudist Bar Mitzvahs?

#2 the First - I am my own favorite proctologist. Just sayin'. . .

#3 the First - Toe Jam Football

#4 the First - Hmmmmm. . . sounds like political commentary to me. . .

#5 the First - I'm prone to those grout attacks, myself. Stay away from the nitrites. . .

#6 and #7 the First - I couldn't say it better myself. . .

#10 the First - I've always preferred an E-flat drool tube. . .

#11 the First - Actually. . . No, I don't know. . . (and I kinda don't think I want to. . .)

#2 the Second - Actually, Ozzie Osborne has already been interviewed more than he should've been. . .

#4 the Second - antidisestablishmentarianism

#5 the Second - Weird math; probably bullshit. . .

#6 the Second - one of those Indian spinach dishes. . .

#7 the Second - Superballs and tuna, eh? . . . Nope; not gonna do it. . .

#10 the Second - Heavy plastic

#11 the Second - Because. Duh. . .

Daryl said...

1. Size order .. small to large

2. the tomato - so once and for all we could clear up this is it a fruit or is it a veggie

3. from the tail up

4. 75 cents .. she gets 25 cents for 30 min

5. get some twine and roll it

6. asparagus

7. a skinned cat and I call it cat in a tin

8. we discuss how the light makes even a dust bunny pretty

9. a deeply odd symbiotic relationship with hair get

10. zydeco with a little scat

11. why not

Tabor said...

I don't do memes, I think they can be done so well by others, obviously.

coopernicus said...

there is no sanity like insanity...

Hilary said...

You are the queen of memes. I can only answer your last question.

Because.

Beach Bum said...

5. Please explain string theory fully in 10 or fewer words.

Subatomic particles are one dimensional strings which reconcile relativity and quantum mechanics.

I reduced it down to 12 words.

g-man said...

Hehehehe...The Uncle...:-)

silly rabbit said...

I will answer your questions tomorrow. However, I'd like to answer Coopernicus's question about the proctologist. My favorite proctologist is the one with no fingers.

Suldog said...

1. The dictionary will be re-organized. If it is no longer arranged alphabetically how do you propose entries be arranged?

By how closely they approximate the sound of farts.

2.Which garden vegetable would you most like to interview and why?

Any root vegetable would do, and you know why.

3. What is the best way you've discovered to skin a cat?

Asking one to reorganize the dictionary according to how much each word sounds like a fart. Faced with that task, they usually skin themselves.

4. If a train departs Boston at 6:45 am EST heading due west at 78 mph and I have four oranges but Billy wants two of them how much will Susie earn babysitting the Murphy twins for an hour and a half?

If I'm Murphy, nothing. I'm on the train, sucker! See ya!

5. Please explain string theory fully in 10 or fewer words.

It's what we call ten frames of bowling in Boston.

6. What does the color chartreuse smell like?

Lime and root vegetables.

7. I am giving you a skein of wool, 4 thumbtacks, a superball, and an institutional-sized can of tuna. You must create a work of art with only these items. What does it look like and what do you call it?

It looks like Whistler's Mother on a three-day drunk, and that's what I'm calling it, too.

8. You are held in solitary confinement for 3 months with only a few dust bunnies rolling around your cell. Tell me about a conversation you have with the dust bunnies.

No.

9. Please give me a reasonable explanation for Donald Trump's hair.

See above.

(#7, I mean, not #8.)

10. You have just formed a band called "Donald Trump's Hair." What type of music does your band play?

We don't play music. We're a mathematics band, an idempotent semigroup. Audiences hate us, but we satisfy equations quite nicely.

11. Why?

Because I like thinking about that root vegetable thing.

Craig said...

A friend of mine in college was a philosophy major, and was once given a final exam which consisted of the single question: "Why?"

After a few minutes' thought, he satisfied himself that "Because" was the correct answer, and turned in his exam, for which he received a grade of 4.0. In comparing notes with his classmates afterward, he found out that those who answered "Why not?" received a grade of 3.5, and scores basically went down by a half-point for each additional word. . .

Which didn't bode well for the folks who spent the full three hours of the exam period, filling five pages of their test booklets. . .