Monday, October 01, 2012

The Irony that is Me

I wasn't overly nervous before the interview, just fleetingly so.

I wasn't nervous during the interview...not really even a little.

As soon as I left the interview I wanted to vomit.

Why yes, I am crazy.  Thank you for noticing.



So now I shall soothe myself by meme-ing the interview.

Tell me something about yourself...
Well, I was born when I was very young. I spent part of my childhood in a commune for yodelers.  Because of my lack of pitch and lung capacity due to allergy triggered asthma attacks I was ejected from the community, at which point I joined a troupe of chimpanzees and found I was skilled at flinging excrement.  My vocal stylings were more attuned to chimp ears as well.  Later on, I studied 13th century Albanian poetry searching for insight into the great question in life such as,
"Why are hot dogs and hot dog buns sold in packs with unequal numbers?"  In my free time I enjoy doing macrame with yarns I've spun from dryer lint.

If you were hired and I dropped by your classroom what would I see?
A burning in effigy of the drafters of, those who voted for, and the signer of the No Child Left Behind Law.  I think it's important for even elementary students to be aware of politics, the effect it has on their lives, and the power of protest.

Describe how you approach classroom management.
Duct tape

We use a "push in" program as opposed to a "pull out" program.  Are you comfortable with that?
Sugar, I find it works best if you alternate the two....repeatedly...until everyone is satisfied with the results.

So if you have a BS Ed, why exactly were you working at a chiropractic office?
Temporary insanity

Why should I hire you?
Look into my eyes and be quiet.  You'll feel the irresistible psychic waves telling you why.

Do you have any questions for me?
When do I start?







22 comments:

coopernicus said...

duct tape...just no end to the uses for this wonder product...just don't mix it in with the push in pull out thing...

Kat said...

HAHAHAHA!!!
I love your memes. :)

Stephen Hayes said...

Interesting and revealing answers to these questions. Now I know you better.

haphazardlife said...

Wow! We have something in common, I too was born when I was very young...

Craig said...

That hot dog / bun question has been bugging me for years. . .

And I'm not such a bad flinger of excrement, meself.

That 'alternating program' thing. . . mmmmm, yeah, I agree with you. . .

So. . . When DO you start?

Craig said...

Also, we just got a new monitor for our home 'puter, and I just saw that the photo you use for your background has a beautiful rapids/falls at the bottom of it (it always gets cut off on my other 'puters). Is that on/near your place?

Daryl said...

that whole bun hotdog thing drives Toonman craaazy

Suldog said...

I, too, studied 13th Century Albanian Poetry! No wonder we like each other so much, and have so much in common, and... Oh, hell, I guess my feelings for you can best be given in a fragment from the 13th Century Albanian Poet, Blerta Kastrati:

Roses janë të kuqe
Violets janë blu
I vranë një Wombat
Për shkak se ajo dukej ashtu si ju


(Of course, I don't expect all of your readers to be able to understand Albanian - especially such tender romantic sentiments - so the following website may prove useful:

http://imtranslator.net/translation/albanian/to-english)

lime said...

cooper, truly sage advice there...

kat, glad i gave you a chuckle

stephen, you just never know what you'll learn about me.

haphazard, wow...like maybe we were separated at birth or something!

craig, waiting to hear when second round interviews are. and no, the background picture is just a blogger template but it looks like it could be where i live.

daryl, i feel his pain

suldog, i'll respond with the lesser known but still poetic klatera bonjuxi's lines...
Unë kurrë nuk kam dëgjuar një Wombat
Unë shpresoj që kurrë nuk dëgjuar një
por unë mund të them me të vërtetë
Unë do të dëgjoj se jetë një

or the less poetic and simply stated albanian curse
Ju duket si një Wombat
dhe ju si një erë shumë

Cricket said...

Lol Suldog.

Well, fingers crossed/prayers for you &c.


I don't think I'm the greatest interview, myself. Small talk &c. Often hard for me to keep my face from reflecting my thoughts, though I'd have hired you if I were the interviewer and you had answered my questions like that.

Anyway, A stellar moment for me: was interviewing for a bobo job back in college days. At one point, the interviewer stopped and said...

I know what you're thinking. Just shut up lady and give me the f***ing job, right?

She did, in fact, give me the job. Heh, heh.

Suldog said...

Lime:

Thank you. I've always wanted to be told that (but only in Albanian, because if just doesn't have the same je ne sais quoi in English. For that matter, neither does je ne sais quoi.)

On behalf of wombats everywhere, I salute you!

Craig said...

Okay, what do wombats have to do with Albanian poetry? . . .

lime said...

cricket, yeah the small talk part is excruciating, honestly.

suldog, and in gratitude i offer the following albanian blessing....Kurrë nuk mund të pushtonin wombats brendshme tuaj

craig, the ancient albanian dynastic rulers were known as the wombat throne. it's a tradition that stretches as far back as several hours ago.

Craig said...

Which is actually pretty amazing, since wombats are indigenous to Australia, which is non-contiguous with Albania, and 10,000 miles away. . . Those Albanian rulers got around, didn't they?

Craver Vii said...

Sweet wombats! You and Sully are certifiable!!

I love the chutzpah it would take to call your interviewer "Sugar." So much so, I might try to set up a fake interview over the weekend, just to try it out.

I like your first answer. The "tell me about you" question really does need to be thought through a little before the day of the interview. I'm not sure the question itself is important, but the answer can set the stage for the rest of the interview.

lime said...

craig, it was an early subspecies of wombat (populating albania prior to the breakup of pangea) that has sadly gone extinct due to an infection that ravaged their numbers and overhunting. they were intentionally infected with a cold virus so they'd produced excess mucous. their mucous was the currency of exchange in ancient albania. it was very rare and highly prized. after wombat extinction there was no longer a source for fresh snot and they had to shift to the crusty wombat booger standard. eventually, the dried up wombat boogers all disintegrated and they adopted the lek.

craver, wombat meat is not known to be especially sweet. it has a slight vinegar tang to it when eaten rare but changes to quite bitter when well-done. chutzpah....we got plenty of that!

Beach Bum said...

Interviews really suck, for both good reasons and bad I have had my fair share and every time I walk out of some office after going through one I feel cheap and useless.

I have absolutely no ability to sell myself, its a talent I lack. I've actually been on a few interviews as sort of a peer review type of thing and it amazes me how some people can really put on a great show selling their experiences and education.

Dave said...

Those were not really your answers huh? I mean, really? - Dave

lime said...

beach bum, is there anyone who enjoys interviews? gah, i hate them!

dave, no, i'd actually like a chance at getting the job.

Secret Agent Woman said...

With those answers, you're a shoo-in.

Jocelyn said...

Oh, please, may the affirmation of getting this job wipe out the temporary insanity of the chiropractic office. PLEASE.

~Dragonfly~* said...

Oh, how I agree with so many of your answers!!!!!!! :). Keeping fingers crossed for you.