Tuesday, October 23, 2012

What's a Lime to Do?

So here's the unemployed Lime with way too much time on her hands and way too many negative thoughts to fuel her anger.  Not a good combo.  Add to that a tendency to soothe myself with excessive amounts of chocolate.  Yeah, pretty picture huh?  Bitter chocolate may have its benefits.  bitter Limes, not so much, especially when said Lime's girth expands along with her nasty attitude.  Thus, I decided it was time to do something.

I started walking again.  Not much I know, but it's a start.  When I was out in Colorado this summer for the bike trip reunion I realized how truly out of shape I am.  I was the youngest member of the group and aside from the guy who has a serious and life threatening medical condition, I was the slowest and least conditioned member of the group as well.  That was not a happy realization.  So I am walking....even though my route bores me in terms of being able to vary it.  It is however, quite a hilly route so it gets the blood pumping.  This is good.

The job hunt has been thoroughly frustrating, as evidenced by the recent post on absurd job opportunities.  I had gone to the local library shortly after loosing my job so I could fill out a VOLUNTEER application.  Mind you I hold a library assistant certification in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania so even the state recognizes I have some discernible level of professional skill here.  I knew the library had no PAYING positions available but I decided I'd volunteer so I can use some skills that way and serve my local branch. Three weeks after filling out the VOLUNTEER application I still had heard nothing.  Zero.  I called them and asked if they had seen the application.  they riffled around and found it and said they could use me for a couple hours in another three weeks.  Seriously.  I can't even GIVE my skills away for free.  So I decided to catalog my own library and try to keep some skills going that way.

Still, I find myself thoroughly aggravated by a great many things.  Too many angry thoughts stream through my head on any given day.  Walking, which has always cleared my head in the past, seemed to fuel my anger.  I needed something else.  I was consciously catching myself and redirecting my thoughts but still struggling.  I saw a local yoga studio was offering a deal for new students to be able to try as many classes as they want for a month for a ridiculously low price.  I signed myself up and went to my very first class ever tonight hoping it would be an appropriate physical challenge but also be mentally relaxing.

I was not disappointed.  The teacher was good at explaining the poses and how to modify them if necessary.  I wound up in some surprising poses.  At the end, close our eyes, and have the lights turned off.  I was kind of hoping at that point the teacher would be coming around with nice fuzzy blankets and pillows.  She did not but I did get up feeling pretty good at being able to make it through the class and feeling far less angry about some of the less pleasant crap in my life currently.  Now if someone could help me extricate my left kneecap from my right ear I'll be even better!  That and if I can get out of bed under my own power tomorrow.....

25 comments:

coopernicus said...

ummmm....nah. it's too easy. glad you found something peaceful.

Stephen Hayes said...

Smart of you to channel your angst in a beneficial way.

Beach Bum said...

Tried yoga once, a certain pose my wife was doing that I will not name got me laughing and I was asked to leave.

Yeah, it was childish but...I'd better not say anything more.

Bijoux said...

That is super annoying about the library. Maybe encourage everyone you know to check out massive quantities of books and return them same day?

I find walking to be a great stress reliever. Take your camera and entertain us!

Secret Agent Woman said...

Walking is good - with any luck after you've been at it a while you'll find other places to walk, too, and be less bored.

I can't believe your library had no need for a skilled volunteer!

Kat said...

Yay for yoga! I'm so glad you liked it. It is really good for relieving stress. Also good? Kickboxing (so I hear). I think you need to hit some stuff. ;)
Hang in there, Lime!

suz said...

Know what you mean about how sometimes it's difficult to redirect emotions. (Sigh) But this too shall pass. (Don't you jut hate bromides like that?) Anyway, just found your blog and will be back. - Karen

Craig said...

Your library must be doing REALLY well, if they can't even find work for someone who doesn't want to be paid. . .

I'm always a little skeptical of those 'close your eyes and turn off the lights' bits. But maybe I'm just a little weird that way. . .

One time, years ago, I signed up for an aerobics class at the Fitness Center at work. One time, the instructor (a woman in her 20s) had us all in the crab position (hands and feet on the floor, facing upward), doing hip thrusts. That pretty much broke the class up for that day. . .

Ommmmmmm. . .

Craig said...

And heck, you were the youngest, slowest and least-in-shape on the original bike trip, too, right?

So, it seems to me like you're holding your own. . .

;)

Suldog said...

May I make a friendly suggestion for putting your spare time to good use, and possibly in a way that may lead to something fun and interesting (and paying, albeit sporadically and not much?)

You're a writer. You write well. You have a good sense of humor. Have you considered writing an occasional op-ed or column of some sort for your local paper? Go back into your blog archives and choose four or five short pieces you're especially proud of. Check them for spelling errors, tighten them up if need be (600 to 700 words is usually about right for editorial pages or "filler" columns), then buy a copy of the paper, find out who the editor is, or who is in charge of submissions, then send them off to that person.

The worst that will happen is you'll be in the same position as you are now. But maybe they'll like your stuff and print it. If the paper you send them to is big enough, they might even buy them. Who knows? Worth a shot while you have the time.

My local, The Watertown Tab, used to publish me on a semi-regular basis (unpaid.) More recently, as you know, I've been able to re-work a few blog pieces and actually sell them to The Boston Herald. There's no reason in the world you couldn't do something similar. And seeing your stuff in print is a mighty fine mood enhancer, paid or unpaid.

Who knows?

Daryl said...

its been a while since i was out of work but i remember all too well how hard it was to be home to feel useless to feel anger to wish my husband had an office to go to .. so every day i would go to the gym for an hour and then take a long walk in the park .... it didnt work for me .. i was still unhappy still resentful ... you are such a good writer .. why not channel some of that energy in to writing .. or not .. just a thought ..

Craver Vii said...

I think Suldog is on to something there. It sounds like a good idea to me.

But yoga? That's the kind of stuff that makes me angry.

I like the idea of kickboxing, so long as you keep safe and avoid injuries.

Rob said...

Yep, that's how it begins: Walking ---> Yoga ---> Kama Sutra ---> Tantric ---> Nirvana

Congratulations on turning lemons into lemonade and achieving a higher plane, Michelle! Will there be pictures? ;-)

Craig said...

@Rob - is it a problem if I skipped the 'Yoga' step?

;)

lime said...

cooper, oooooohhhhmmmm

stephen, channel it, dissipate it....gotta be constructive one way or another or it will eat me alive

beach bum, oh to be sure, some of the positions are pretty funny. i can't fault you for laughing.

bijoux, i like how you think ;)

secret agent, it's partly because i don't want to drive anywhere to go walk. it seems silly to use gas just to use my feet. and yes, i was stunned by the library thing too.

kat, i really enjoyed it a lot. i'm not sure i'd dig the kickboxing so much though. but i do find your logic appealing ;)

craig, kind of my thoughts about the library too. pointing out that even 25 yrs ago i wasn't quite measuring up fitness-wise...that's exactly the kind of thing that has kept me from participating in anything athletic for most of my life.

suldog, thanks for the suggestion. you are very kind to consider me as a possibility for such. i will give serious consideration to your idea.

daryl, hhmm, second person to make a similar suggestion....hhmm..maybe i should pay attention.

craver, third! ok, ok, i am thick headed but i'm getting the message ;) lol. really thanks for the affirmation. what is it about yoga that makes you angry, i am curious?

rob, taking self portraits during twisted poses is a much more advance practice, lol :P







Craig said...

Well, I meant it to be something like praising by faint damnation. Or, uh, something like that. Being the least fit person among a crew of cross-country cyclists ain't exactly a shameful thing. . .

Sorta like being the least math-y person among a group of quantum physicists. . .

;)

lime said...

craig, thanks for explaining. i get it. i do. but even praise by faint damnation hits me on this topic. now just to explain myself, i've regularly taken crap my entire life from the very athletic, including people in my own family. in fact, i was very much judged in my previous place of employment because i wasn't some hard-bodied uber fitness guru. i've been openly mocked for lack of skill, lack of strength, lack of eye-hand coordination, and being too heavy. i've been laughed at by people close to me when i have made fledgling attempts that put my lack of skill on full display. i've had people tell me i am not worth even trying to teach because i am so hopeless. i've had others run over me mercilessly because i was so easy to defeat in competition. i know i'm usually all jokey-jokey and very able to be self-deprecating in my humor but just so ya know....this is a soft spot for me and it took a lot for me to even work up the guts to walk into that yoga class because of the dearth of encouragement and fullness of criticism i've had in this area of my life.

Jocelyn said...

I know that I process my tougher emotions through exercise, and yoga's a big piece of that. May you have been able to get out of bed this morning...and feel excited to hit your next class. This might be just the answer to a long stretch of suck.

Dave said...

Sorry that you have that anger problem at the moment Michelle. Understandable though. Good for you for going to the yoga class. If its doing the trick it may be wise to stick with it? Good luck - Dave

~Dragonfly~* said...

I'd like to offer another suggestion. You are a fabulous writer, you also have a wondrous eye when it comes to photography. Why not put the two together? Take your poems and put them onto your photos with photo shop.... Then put them all together and create a book....even if you never publish it. Do it for you and your children and future family.

I so appreciate you allowing me to use your one poem to put on my photo...people love it!

Remember...this is all just temporary.....and you are loved.

Tabor said...

What a good approach to your idle time. Exercise of any kind is the best when stress is knocking at the door. Very much hoping your job hunt it shorter!

Craig said...

I am sorry, my friend; I had no idea. . .

I would never discourage anyone, no matter how 'un-coordinated', from engaging in any kind of physical activity. Honestly, you're pretty adventurous for an 'un-athletic' woman (zip-lines and all that, you know. . .)

So, you go, girl - enjoy your yoga class!

And bear in mind that all my comments are coming from a guy whose football coach once told him he was "pretty fast for a fat guy". . .

And - they let you go because you weren't enough of a fitness geek?. Yeef. Good riddance to that. . .

lime said...

jocelyn, i am pleased to announce that i got out of bed on my own and though i had some aches that told me i worked hard it wasn't crippling. i am definitely excited for my next class.

dave, well, the calm afterward was a really good feeling so yep, i'm sticking with it.

dragonfly, thanks so much for the kind words or encouragement you are like #3 or 4 to tell me i need to do more with my writing...i am so glad the poem with your picture has meant so much to you and others.

tabor, i'm trying! (some people would even agree, lol)

craig, apology accepted. thank you. and though i can't prove that's why i was let go i believe it was definitely a factor.

Hilary said...

Ugh yoga. Nothing makes me feel more uncoordinated than that.

I like Suldog's suggestion very much. Your writing talent and humour would make a lot of people happy if you were to be published.

Walking is good.. but don't forget to bring the camera along. It's amazing how centered you can feel when you focus on things you would otherwise miss... which of course helps you to stop focusing on the negatives.

(M)ary said...

I used to take a yoga class on the floor of a local grade school library. (front of the class near Judy Blume back of the class near writers whose name begin with W, none of whom I recognized.)
Most of the poses where our faces needed to be down near the floor were lovely...whiffs of funky sneakers instead of calming candles.
Then to top it off, the lady who taught the class ran a drive thru liqueor(sp?) store with her husband (in a college town!). So she had muscles from carrying kegs for years. If you couldn't get into the yoga pose, she would push you into it. Ouch.
She was NOT a fru-fru yoga instructor! ahhh..I miss those classes.

Maybe the universe is telling you something about the job search. Either it is saying: "move in a different direction" or it is saying "how badly do you want this type of job? keep trying!".
Since those are two completely different messages, this comment really is useless. Sorry.
Good luck!