Sunday, November 17, 2013

Conspiracy Theory

We live in the woods, on an acre of land.  Our neighbors all have spacious lots as well.  There is also an unbuildable lot adjacent to ours.  And trees.  There are LOTS of trees, mostly oak.  In addition to flowers and shrubs which people so graciously provide as buffets for the local deer, acorns are a prized delicacy for deer.  All this is to say, space + food sources = deer in our neck of the woods.

This does not make us unhappy because you may recall we like to eat venison.  Mr. Lime, Diana, and Isaac do not have to travel far to find places to hunt.  In fact, although we cannot use rifles in our neighborhood, there is an area where bow and arrow can safely be used.  It just so happens to match up to the area where our kids' tree house was built when we moved here a decade ago.  Imagine that.

Normally, my band of fearless hunters get doe tags when they apply for their hunting licenses because for us it's about the meat rather than the trophy.  That's not to say we'll pass up a buck that walks within range but if a doe suitably sized for filling the freezer wanders by first that's what they go for.  This year, they were slow in applying for doe tags so they are limited to only being able to take bucks.  It increases the challenge since 50% of the population is now forbidden.

Sunday morning Mr. Lime dragged me to the window to show me the herd of does that had invaded our back yard.  It's been years since we've seen that many in our yard at once....and close enough to nearly pet them if we stood on the back porch.  Next he called Diana to the window.  Here then is the conversation that passed between them.

Him: Can you believe how many there are?  When's the last time you saw that here?

Her: Never.

Him: They know.  I swear those stupid things know I can't do anything to them.

Her: Yep. They have calenders.  They know it's Sunday. (No hunting on Sunday)

Him: They know I don't have a doe tag too.

Her: Assholes.  They tell each other.

Him:  I'm sure they have cellphones too.


joeh said...

I don't hunt, but my many hunting friends all say the same thing..."They know!"

snowelf said...

I bet they drink coffee and scrap book together in the treefort too.


Beach Bum said...

It's evolution I tell you, the smart ones survive and reproduce while the dumb have long since been turned into tasty jerky.

Midlife Roadtripper said...

Hunting is an odd thing. I never expected my sons to take up the hobby yet one of them is totally into the season. The second shot a deer and one was good enough for him. No desire to return. The third - he'd rather just cook them. My husband - no. Me? No.

Interesting phenomena, this hunting. Just watched a big buck walk down the middle of my street. Wouldn't seem right to take him out.

Tabor said...

I swear they are psychic or have tremendous hearing and understand mankind. We always have a small number of deer in the woods and sometimes even the backyard. The year that our neighbor asked to put up the deer stand and brought his bow and arrow there was not one!

Bijoux said...

We've always had a family living in our backyard, here and at the old place. I've watched them get progressively fearless over the past 25 years. We can get within three feet of them now and it takes a lot to scare them away. Chasing does not work, unless you want to run a mile. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't have to slam on my brakes because they are crossing the road, no matter what town I'm in. Last week, I saw one sitting next to the road, by a mailbox, just watching the traffic go by!

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

I have a really good source of acorns in my front yard.
There is a ton of them (well, there would be if we hadn't swept some up and dumped them) out there right now.
We could really fatten them up if they'd only come over.
If only the neighbors would keep their dogs in.

Stephen Hayes said...

I understand the urge to hunt for many people but I'd need to be starving before I could pull the trigger. I think it's okay so long as people eat what they kill.

GAB said...

My hubby hasn't done the deer hunting since we've been married and he has only started pheasant hunting about 5 years ago. Our oldest grandson tried this year for deer but didn't get a thing. Now totally off that subject. Let me ask you this. We have a farm 160 acres. We cant get a tree to grow to save our butts. I say its the curse of my grandmother she hated trees and refused to have any on our property. She feared lightening would hit them and start a fire. As it was lightening hit and killed my grandfather. We have planted every green trees trees you'd never expect to die yet they did! Any suggestions? Thanks

Murr Brewster said...

I wish my neighbors' cats were tastier. There might be a market for them.

Craig said...

It's like the way, once the season starts, you'll see 'em congregating along the sides of roads, 'cuz you can't shoot 'em within 500 feet of a road. . .

It's them cloven hooves; they're in league with the devil. . .

Kat said...

That conversation is AWESOME! That actually sounds like the hubby and I talking about the deer in our neighborhood. It is insane all the deer! And bucks too! The neighbors HATE all the deer because it is so difficult to have a garden or flowers around here (most of our neighbors don't have fenced yards). And we can't hunt in our neighborhood at all. Not even bow hunt.
Every time the hubby leaves to go deer hunting I SWEAR there is a huge buck that is flicking Todd off at the end of the block as he drives away. Just standing there, watching him go. Little jerks.

And the kicker is, Todd has gone bow hunting MANY times this year and hasn't really seen ANYTHING! BAH!!! Our freezer is getting dangerously low on venison.

Luck to all our hunters!

Jocelyn said...

Does are notoriously evil plotters. They were totally out there, rubbing y'all's faces in the fact that they're alive.

Jackie said...

We have deer, also...and they love to munch and crunch on our fall garden delights. Peskly li'l darlins.
I see their footprints....see the remains of what they relished in the wee hours of the morning or late hours of the afternoon, but I rarely see them. What a blessing for you to see so many at once.
Love the dialogue! Made me smile.
I'm sure the deer smiled, too.

Hilary said...

I love deer... and I've never tasted one. I've seen a few since I've moved here and am looking forward to more. My sentiments are exactly like Stephens... oh but your family is a hoot.

Anonymous said...

it's esp - they are all beings from another galaxy