Conspiracy Theory

We live in the woods, on an acre of land.  Our neighbors all have spacious lots as well.  There is also an unbuildable lot adjacent to ours.  And trees.  There are LOTS of trees, mostly oak.  In addition to flowers and shrubs which people so graciously provide as buffets for the local deer, acorns are a prized delicacy for deer.  All this is to say, space + food sources = deer in our neck of the woods.

This does not make us unhappy because you may recall we like to eat venison.  Mr. Lime, Diana, and Isaac do not have to travel far to find places to hunt.  In fact, although we cannot use rifles in our neighborhood, there is an area where bow and arrow can safely be used.  It just so happens to match up to the area where our kids' tree house was built when we moved here a decade ago.  Imagine that.

Normally, my band of fearless hunters get doe tags when they apply for their hunting licenses because for us it's about the meat rather than the trophy.  That's not to say we'll pass up a buck that walks within range but if a doe suitably sized for filling the freezer wanders by first that's what they go for.  This year, they were slow in applying for doe tags so they are limited to only being able to take bucks.  It increases the challenge since 50% of the population is now forbidden.

Sunday morning Mr. Lime dragged me to the window to show me the herd of does that had invaded our back yard.  It's been years since we've seen that many in our yard at once....and close enough to nearly pet them if we stood on the back porch.  Next he called Diana to the window.  Here then is the conversation that passed between them.

Him: Can you believe how many there are?  When's the last time you saw that here?

Her: Never.

Him: They know.  I swear those stupid things know I can't do anything to them.

Her: Yep. They have calenders.  They know it's Sunday. (No hunting on Sunday)

Him: They know I don't have a doe tag too.

Her: Assholes.  They tell each other.

Him:  I'm sure they have cellphones too.

Slice of Lime-Redneck Woman

Mr. Lime, Diana, and Isaac are all hunters.  I am glad they are because having a freezer full of nice lean, organic venison is so much cheaper and healthier than buying beef all year.  Mr. Lime got a deer during archery season which takes place earlier in the Fall.  Hence, there was a little less pressure for him to get one during rifle season which starts the Monday after Thanksgiving. 

Once he got his first deer he began asking me to accompany him to the woods.  I can't hunt since I don't have a license but I am allowed to sit with him.  Of course, that necessitates dressing the part.  Orange is required for safety and many warm layers are required to prevent frostbite.  Sitting very still and quiet is not exactly conducive to warmth.  I finally gave in and went with him last weekend. 

Decked out in camo, orange, and oversized, insulated coveralls (complete with bloodstains!) with Mr. Lime and Isaac in their respective gear, I commented that I looked like one third of Larry, Darryl, and Darryl.   They assured me I looked like the dullest member of that trio.  We walked to the tree stand and Mr. Lime sent me up the ladder then joined me.  Next he told me he wanted me to hold his gun.  I did so while looking out where he said the deer path was when he snapped this with his phone.  He thought it might help convince me to get my hunting license if I saw myself looking all official.

Well, it was nice to be invited to the inner sanctum of his hunting world but I gotta say I much prefer cooking the venison in a nice warm kitchen to sitting in a cold tree stand waiting for the deer to walk within range...not to mention preferring the smell of curried venison to that of doe estrus "cologne" designed to attract the bucks.  That is truly foul.

But hey, I look the part, right?

It's that Time of Year Again

Mr. Lime has been hunting through archery season.  He was severely disheartened when he shot two different deer and then could not find them.  After the second time he was ready to sell his bow and stick to rifle season because he felt terrible guilt at wounding animals and having them die slowly.  He went out one last time though and came home with a hefty six-point buck to fill the freezer.  Then he started talking about getting a cross-bow.

I have several friends whose husbands hunt.  The men love the experience and the meat but the wives won't eat the venison.  Some of them are stunned to find I prefer venison to beef.  I tell them all the different ways I cook it.  I share recipes.  Few have been willing to try making them but when they come to my house they are fed venison and are surprised to find they like it.  And yes, I can make squirrel and dumplings too but it's not my favorite.  It does taste a lot like chicken but like the dark meat and I have always preferred the white meat.  The deal is, if Mr. Lime wants it he cleans the squirrels.  It's been a very long time since I have cooked squirrel as a result.  Fine by me.

Mr. Lime has been lobbying heavily for me to come out with him when he goes hunting and maybe even get my license so I can hunt too.  I keep telling him I cook the game (I even help butcher and process the meat), I don't provide it...except the kind I get at the grocery store.

Slice of Lime-Don't Fear the Curry

Ok, I know this week has been hard on some of you non-hunting types what with talk of carcass gutting and all. Today I hope to soothe you with one of my favorite venison recipes. If you are not of the ilk to go hunt your own meat don't worry, you can use stew beef for this.

This is a recipe I learned from my dear friend Regina who is from Kenya. She had been in the U.S. for a year or so when she mentioned how much she missed venison because it was a staple in the area of Kenya she came from. I told her when Mr. Lime got a deer that year we'd gladly share some of the meat with her. She was overjoyed and insisted we come share the first meal with her family. This stewed venison is what she made. I fell in love.

So...the ingredients. First you need...some venison all cubed up. How much? I dunno, I didn't weigh it and since it didn't come in some plastic wrapped tray with a meat diaper (You know, those pads that soak up the juices) and a bar code with its weight I can't be sure. A pound? Two pounds? Howzabout we split the difference and call it a pound and a half? That bowl of meat there represents hours spent in a cold tree stand, a box of bullets, a new .243 youth rifle, yards of blaze orange fabric, a kitchen full of butchered carcass, a vacu-seal machine, and yes...even a Butt-Out tool, but we won't think of that right now...

You will also need a big can of tomato puree. What? That looks like two small cans of diced tomatoes? You are so observant. Well I was out of tomato puree. This is what I had. I whizzed it through the blender. Voila! Tomato puree. My friend Regina used tomato sauce but I like to use puree because it has a little more texture to it.

We also need curry powder. This is a curry dish. Don't be afraid of the curry. The tomato balances it out nicely. When the time comes you're going to put a ton of this in the dish. I used Trinidadian curry for it and Regina liked it but she said I cooked it so well I should have some Kenyan curry to make it taste like it's from home. In case you don't know curry is a blend and there are roughly 87 gazillion different blends for curry in the world each with a somewhat different taste. Regina carried this all the way back from Kenya for me when she went to visit so I could have that one in 87 gazillion taste.
The other ingredients are oil, garlic (as much or as little as you want, I use about 4 cloves), and onions (2 medium or 1 large). Oh, It also helps if you have a heavy iron pot with a slightly concave bottom..the kind I carried back in my own bag when I was coming home from Trinidad. Lordy, between the iron pot and the bottles of seasonings and the bolts of batik I had in my bag that was one hernia inducing suitcase. Really, this is a very easy recipe once you've convinced a friend to fly to Kenya for curry and you've flown to Trinidad to buy the pot. Very economical. But I digress....
Pour some oil in, heat it over medium heat, add the onions and garlic and let them get translucent.

Once the onions and garlic are all soft you'll add the curry....a lot of curry. See that spoon? It's a soup spoon. I think I filled it heaping 2 times, maybe 3. Ok, split the difference and call it 2 1/2. Don't fear the curry. I woke up this morning to Blue Oyster Cult's Don't Fear the Reaper. You can hum that while you sashay around sprinkling curry. Then you can think of the SNL sketch with Will Ferrell and shout, "I got a fever. I need more cowbell! I need more curry!" Tap on the side of the curry can if you don't have a cowbell. Da da da da dada....don't fear the currrryyyy.... Keep dancing. This is my kitchen. We dance when we cook. It keeps the cook happy. Happy cooks make better food.

Ok, now that we've gotten you all over your curry phobia, brown it around with just the onions for a bit then toss in the meat, crank up the heat a bit, and brown everything together. Stick your nose over the pot and inhale deeply....aaahhhh.....

Once the meat is all browned dump in the tomato puree and stir it all around.

Turn the heat back down to medium low and put the lid on. Ya like that lid? the knob broke off years ago while I was in the middle of cooking something. I had been dyeing Easter eggs and had one of those wire dipping thingies sitting on the counter so I twisted it up and jammed that sucker in the lid. I have been meaning to buy a nice wooden knob to fix it with properly but then again, this thing has worked for all these years and it has kind of a quirky personality, not unlike its owner. You can have your fancy pots and pans that shine like the sun and have insulated handles. I wouldn't trade my hernia inducing, burn causing pot with the dangerous wire poking out of the top for all the fancy pots in the world.

Ok, now all the hard work is done because you just let it all stew together until the meat is nice and tender. How long? I dunno. An hour? Two hours? Split the difference....whatever. All you have to do is stir it now and again and make sure it isn't burning. While you wait and contemplate the tasty delight the stew will be you can relax. Feel free to enjoy some reading material that stimulates salivation as well. Well, looky who's on the cover of this magazine....mmmm, yum.

When it's done serve it over rice with a side of peas and carrots and have a belly full of good, stick to your ribs food. Now if this meal were to be truly complete I'd have it with ugali (say oo-golly), which is a boiled Kenyan cornbread. Yes, I know that sounds unappetizing but it's delicious and I'd be perfectly content to have a plate of ugali and the gravy from this stew (Regina tells me this makes me very Kenyan and her husband tells me I make ugali better than his sister....ugali good enough to snare me a Kenyan husband. Glad to know I have options in the world.) Unfortunately, when I went to the cupboard I found some "undesirable alternate protein sources" in my cornmeal. Ick. Let's not think of that. I really am hungry for some ugali to go with this stew though and if you're interested here's a recipe.

Happy eats.

Overheard at Chez Lime

I'm so glad Mr. Lime and the Limelets don't have to go away to overnight deer camp. If they did, I'd miss gems like these.

After returning home after being outside in sub-freezing temperatures Isaac was heard to say,

"I gotta pee really bad but my hands are too cold. Can I wear mittens in the bathroom?"


At the dinner table discussing the field dressing of a deer Diana told us,

"I don't mind gutting. I can tolerate pulling everything out. Accidentally hit the stomach and spill the contents? No problem. I can handle it. Nick up the intestines? I don't mind. Cut the windpipe and pull it out? I'm your girl. Hold the still warm and quivering heart in my bare hands? Very cool. But geeeees, I can't tell you how much I HATE reaming out the butt."

Meanwhile Calypso the vegetarian has fingers in her ears as she sings, "Nanananananana Lalalalalala."

Isaac interjected, "I just like when the steam comes up out of the body and warms my hands. It's kind of like the deer's spirit is rising up and I just say thank you for food and warmth."

How's that for three entirely different responses to the matter?

Opening Day

Today is opening day of deer season in Pennsylvania. Granted this picture doesn't show hunters with anything bigger than rabbits or pheasants. The woman in the middle is my great-grandmother though. Yes, she hunted. My great-grandfather is kneeling with my uncle on the left and my grandfather on the right. I come from a family of hunters, men and women. It kept food on the table when times were tough...or not so tough. I never hunted (Mom wouldn't allow it) but I know how to handle a rifle and a shotgun and was taught from an early age to have respect for the power of a fire-arm, they are no toys.

Diana has hunted since she was 13. This is the buck she got her very first year (within the first two hours of opening day, which is a pattern she repeated every year until last year). Isaac went out for the first time last year and is hoping this year will be his turn to put food in the freezer for winter. Yes, we eat what we take. That's the point.

Weird Wednesday-Deer Season Edition

Some of you may know that Monday started deer hunting season here in Pennsylvania. This is a big deal at House of Lime since we fill our freezer with venison and I never buy beef. This hunting season has dropped a wonderful little nugget of weirdness into my lap and I just had to share it with you all.

Over the years Mr. Lime has accumulated a few handy gadgets to make staying warm, field dressing a deer, and dragging its carcass a little easier. This year he came home with his latest labor saving find. Care to guess what it is used for?

Here is a diagram demonstrating its use.

That's right folks, it's the Butt-Out Tool! As the product description at the website says,

One of the more unpleasant chores of field dressing now takes just seconds to accomplish using the innovative Butt-Out Tool. This tool is the fastest, easiest way to disconnect the anal alimentary canal from deer or similar-sized game. Immediately after harvesting game, insert the Butt-Out Tool into the anal canal and twist until it grabs the membrane. Continue twisting another half turn, then steadily pull the Butt-Out Tool out of the canal. Extract 10" of membrane, tie the membrane off and cut. Its time-saving ease of use makes this the tool every deer hunter needs in his pack.

Go ahead and click the link for some fabulous testimonials on this handy little gadget! Now, I know all you anti-hunting types are in horror that we hunt at all. All the rest of you are probably now gagging on your breakfast. Thus far none of the three hunters at House of Lime has brought home meat to feed us this year. Somehow I think the deer got wind of this new gadget. In spite of the instinctive behavior of whitetail deer to lift their tails in warning to the rest of the herd I imagine them all bounding away with tails tucked and hindquarters clenched tightly.