11 Questions

It's been forever since I did a meme and Suldog had one posted so for lack of other ideas I am stealing it.  Of course he posted this weeks ago and I am just not getting around to it so we can see how timely I am about this all the way around? First I am to ask the 11 questions he poses then offer up 11 questions for others to voluntarily answer.


1 - Have you ever voluntarily put anything up your nose aside from drugs?
Anyone who won't admit to having put a finger up there at some point during his or her life is a liar.

2 - Is it still there?
(Looks shocked as if just caught in the act)  No! Of course not!

3 - How many real teeth (that is, not store bought) do you have in your mouth?
32
(If you have them anywhere else, please elucidate.)

4 - If you could take any two things on the planet and staple them together, what would they be?
The superintendent of my school district to the assistant superintendent.

5 - Do you think plants can hear you think?
Shhhh....

6 - How many rocks are in your house?
The ones in bowls on my counter or the ones in my head too?

7 - If I asked you to shove a toy surprise up my ass and call me Crackerjack, would you compare and contrast Napoleon's march on Moscow with Ritchie Blackmore's guitar solo on Highway Star?
I'd besmirch the wombat scissors with durian fruit because the metaphysics of Looney Tunes tesselates post-colonial Africa.

8 - Why are you still reading this?
It keeps me from picking my nose.

9 - Do you think it's going to get better?
Good Lord, I hope so!

10 - Why is a kumquat not entirely unlike a porcupine?
Neither makes a good alternative fuel source.

11 - When do you think the world will end?
I'm not sure but I wonder about sequels.

And now for something completely different, my 11 questions for anyone who cares to answer in the comments or at their own place.

1. What is your quest?
2. Which plagues do you feel are most fitting for public school administrators who believe said schools don't need well-stocked libraries maintained by qualified professionals?
3. It is said a friend helps you move, but a good friend helps you move a body.  How good a friend are you?
4. What is the worst thing you have ever eaten?
5. Can you explain string theory in 50 words or fewer?
6. What have you done to prepare for the impending zombie apocalypse?
7. Which do you feel the platypus is better proof of, intelligent design or divine sense of humor? (or perhaps clean out the workshop night...Crimony, I've got this bit leftover from the ducks, a spare beaver tail, all this extra fur, and egg laying apparatus too...why not, together they go.  Oh Myself!  This poor thing is ridiculous looking, all the butch animals are going to want to punch it and stuff it in a locker at lunch.  I'd better give it some venom or something....)
8. Who exactly does Joan Rivers think she is fooling by having so much plastic surgery she can't blink her ow eyes any more?
9. How many times must the cannonballs fly before they're forever banned?
10.  Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
11. Why can't fools just fall in love rather than being elected to public office?