Console Me

It must be heart-breaking to be paid tons of money to star in a critically and commercially successful film then spend an evening in expensive clothes and loaned jewels while being fawned over by the media only to lose the nomination for an Academy Award.  Truly, it must require years of therapy to overcome such a crushing blow.  Something must be done to ease the suffering of these bereaved celebrities.

Fortunately, a marketing firm has stepped in to provide swag bags worth nearly $48,000 to the nominees.....although it's a paltry sum compared to 2010's $90,000 bags.  I do hope the recipients will find a way to go on in spite of the cutbacks.

So what type of comfort is provided by $48,000?  The swag bags include circus classes for the recipient's children, acupuncture, membership to a luxury lounge in Heathrow Airport, and my personal favorite, vampire facelifts, which involve sucking out a person's blood and re-injecting it into his or her face.  Yes, this is consolation.  There are also condoms, Windex wipes, and $120 worth of maple syrup.  Those three items alone sound like a party in a bag, don't they?

I realize the celebrities didn't ask for these goody bags but it still strikes me as totally excessive since I'm sure these people can well afford their own circus lessons and blood-sucking beauty treatments should they desire such things.

Well, it's late and I have to get to bed before the party is over since I have to get up early to get through half of my 80 mile round trip commute for a job that pays me just a bit over minimum wage.  My consolation is having a job (after four months of unemployment) in an urban school district where I work to give kids a safe and welcoming environment where they can explore and grow.