Disheartened

I'd like to open by asking you what exactly you think would posses a person with a B.S. Ed. and who holds state certifications in Special Education and as a Library Assistant to put 80 miles a day on her car to earn $8.41/hr in order to provide book circulation to two urban elementary schools with a combined collection of 21,000 books and a combined population of roughly 1600 students and 75 teachers?  Allow me to remind you this person performs the job alone.  There is no M.L.S. credentialed librarian.  The folks with advanced degrees were furloughed so those of us hired as "assistants" are doing this job alone....in two schools.

God knows I could find a Special Ed job tomorrow and be paid many times more than what I am currently paid so we can assume it's not the generous compensation for this job.  The thing is, I burned out on the bureaucracy with that job.  I love the kids who struggle for one reason or another.  I love empowering them and helping them find ways to succeed.  I just can't cope with the exhausting amount of legal documentation.  It saps the energy that the kids need in order for me to be effective with them.

I am not enamored of long commutes and even less so since our family has had multiple major automotive issues in the last two months.  I certainly don't enjoy filling my tank two or more times a week and honestly, my pay doesn't really help me do so.  The travel route is congested with a great many aggressive drivers and several construction sites.  Neither of those things help endear the drive to me.

At my two schools I lack basic necessities for my job such as an adult-sized desk and a chair with doesn't collapse under me every time I sit in it.  I've become very adept at the art of the careful landing.  I also sit in a moldy basement in one of the schools.  Hey, who needs air-quality?  What an unnecessary luxury.  Oh right, the air is fine according to all reports (how many palms were greased for that and how many salaries could have been paid instead?) only it's not.

Of course, a case could be made for insanity being the motivation.  These conditions are crazy-making.  It also unnerves my husband on a daily basis that I drive as far as I do to park my car in less than safe neighborhoods to work for so little.  My sanity certainly has been questioned long enough and in multiple contexts by many people so there may be sufficient evidence to convict on that charge.

I submit the main motivation is a soul-deep concern for vulnerable kids and for being involved in their educational process in a way which doesn't suck the life out of me, a desire to support a bone-weary faculty in their daily efforts, and an abiding love and appreciation for the power of books.  There's also the satisfaction that comes from bringing order out of chaos, being able to provide efficient systems for accessing literature and information, and making both students and faculty aware of resources they never knew existed.  Watching a child's eyes light up over something which engages his imagination or answers her questions gives me joy.  Seeing a teacher breathe a sigh of relief over being saved a little time in searching for materials to use in augmenting a lesson gives me a little more energy to continue serving.

I don't see myself as a great savior but I do believe I provide an important service and provide it well.  I believe the context in which I serve is critically important as I am serving students who begin life with too many strikes against them already.  The students in my two schools are the poorest in the city.  They come from homes full of violence, substance abuse, and transience.  They come from homes with a lack of stability, food, and books.  That's not to say every home represented is like this but certainly the demographics indicate there is a disproportionate degree of these attributes.  There will never be a lack of people willing to work in comfortable suburban schools.  It's important to attract capable, hard-working people to the worst situations though.  I am capable and if showing up to do my job well in the midst of dealing with cancer doesn't demonstrate a work ethic, I don't know what does.

Our schools spend a great deal of time and money providing free meals, health clinics, food pantries, clothing closets, after school activities, and other services.  These are important and can make a big difference.  I am in no way suggesting these services cease.  I will say we  must not forget our primary job is to EDUCATE children.  I am deeply concerned that the lack of value placed on our libraries indicates we have forgotten that responsibility.

We have already furloughed the librarians so our students are not receiving instruction as to how to properly use a library and access its treasures or literature and information, nor how to conduct effective online searches for digital information.  We have completely failed them in providing the tools needed for them to engage in self-directed learning in the most expansive resource, the library.  Ray Bradbury said he could not afford to go to college so he went to the library and "graduated" at age 27 after he had read countless volumes.  Our students, who may never be able to dream of affording higher education, will not have a concept that they have the power to educate themselves.  Hell, they probably won't even find out who Ray Bradbury is or have the chance to consider his works for that matter.

Still, I strive because it matters deeply for our students.  When I interviewed for this job I said aside from providing excellent service I wanted to cultivate the library as a safe place.  I am given 20 minutes every other week per class (which is pathetic to begin with) to allow them a sense of this haven, this sacred space for knowledge and imagination.  It's a challenge but one I believe I have risen to.  I cannot contractually provide formal instruction but I can take 20 minutes and do everything in my power to convey that this is a place for hope of finding solace or building a better future....until you evict the students and me from this place.

I am told I am now to "do library on a cart."  I am to distill a 10,000 volume library to a cart which holds fewer books than the average teacher's classroom library, push it from room to room, and call it library service for 900 students and 30-40 faculty.  We've already abandoned library instruction.  If you want me to abandon proper circulation service then you are more insane than I am.  This is a horrendous failure of educational leadership.  If you want library on a cart stop pretending it matters at all.  Delete the entire collection from the catalog, distribute the books to the students and teachers, and take the shelves apart.  I have no interest in perpetrating the fraud of saying library services are provided to our neediest children under such conditions.

Diarrhea of the Wallet

Ok, so to recap since the beginning of 2014 we've had to gut the master bathroom to the studs and joists and we will have to replace some of the studs.  The water damage is that bad.  Part was caused by plumbing issues we uncovered.  Part of is was caused by some damn fool who nailed the subflooring to the dryer vent pipe thus allowing roughly 40 years of dryer vent moisture to go directly into the wood and just collect there.  When Mr. Lime pulled up the shower floor he said it was a miracle I hadn't wound up in the garage below during my shower.  See?  Oh, how pretty.  It was like wet sawdust. Yes, I already posted about this here but even since then we found more and more that needs to be repaired NOW. Of course the shower is a weird size too so that adds cost....as if drywall, insulation, lumber, new flooring and fixtures weren't enough.  Ok, reminding myself that I am glad Mr. Lime can do this work and Calypso works at a hardware store and gets a nice employee discount.

As previously mentioned, we've had frozen pipes to nurse through the polar vortex because presumably the same genius who nailed subfloor to a dryer vent pipe ran kitchen plumbing through a poorly insulated and cantilevered section of the house.  So since the bathroom was all open and exposed Mr. Lime felt it was a good time to deal with that problem once and for all.  Next weekend he is replumbing the entire house (except for the powder room off the garage).

Oh and with the extreme cold and touchy pipes we've had to crank the heat up even more...oh and with open walls the heat is just going right through them.  The two tons of pellets we bought in November are gone.  Ka-ching...ka-ching.

This morning the toilet in the remaining bathroom overflowed all over the floor and leaked through to the garage.  So just in case we thought we could get away with not addressing that just yet that has moved way up in the honey do list priority ranks.  Undoubtedly, that bathroom will also be gutted to the studs.  God have mercy....

And now for the bit that brought me to primal screams.  Tonight the car I bought a mere 33 days ago (you know, massively depleting my bank account JUST before all this other stuff happened) had a major transmission crap out.  Ka-ching ^10.  This is the part where I just said screw it and went home after having the car towed, made myself a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and this for dessert.

That said, I am grateful Mr. Lime is handy, Calypso works in a hardware store, I didn't have to wait for a tow in polar vortex cold and the tow truck guy was both quick and very pleasant.  Also, I am VERY glad the transmission didn't give out when I was on the highway in 80 mph traffic on the way to work tomorrow morning.  So there's that.

The Joys of Home Ownership

Have you ever read the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie?A little mouse is offered a cookie, then he needs a glass of milk, then a napkin to wipe his milk moustache.  He looks in the mirror and notices he needs a trim, then he needs to sweep up and gets carried away and cleans the entire house.  And so it goes on and on all because one mouse wanted one cookie.

I think I can write a sequel.  If you Give a Lime a Shower  Door. I requested a new door for the shower in the master bathroom because the original one was plastic and just totally resistant to being cleaned properly.  It also had a broken latch so keeping it closed required some interesting jerry-rigging due to its strange design.  Saturday, Mr. Lime removed the old door in order to install the  new door.  It was a procedure he expected to take no more than the weekend.  Oh what hopeful fools we are.

This is what my bathroom looks like today.  This and worse is what it will look like for some time to come.  When the old door was removed it pulled tiles with it...revealing soaked wallboard.  When Mr. Lime removed the soaked wallboard it revealed a stud with all the structural integrity of a dish sponge.  When he continued to remove whatever was damaged trying to find where it started and ended he got as high as his head and through the floor.  Oh and the wall opposite the shower is also squishy under the tile.  So a simple shower door is leading to the gutting of one bathroom.  Since it shares a wall and pipes with the main bathroom and it's clear there is some sort of major plumbing/moisture issue it means we will be gutting the second bathroom sooner rather than later as well.

Oh yeah, did I mention that in this extreme cold we've been babying  other pipes that the brilliant designers/builders of this house ran through a cantilevered and uninsulated portion of the house.  There is some inspired design, let me tell ya.

All I can say is I am glad Mr. Lime is handy enough to be able to fix this and Calypso works at a local hardware store where she gets a pretty nice employee discount.  This is gonna be an unpleasant wallet cramp but it could be a whole lot worse.  I didn't even have a temper tantrum like this time!

Going Under the Knife

Wednesday is the big day.  I report to the hospital at OMG o'clock so they can remove my thyroid.  All prayers, good thoughts, best wishes, positive energy, or groovy mojo, that you want to send my way is greatly appreciated. 

I am feeling as relaxed as anyone can before under going something involving terms like "neck dissection."  Actually, I am feeling more relaxed than I expected to be I credit prayer, a LOT of yoga this last week and a half, and the love of family and friends who have been wonderfully supportive, so many of you among them.

I hope to be back online by Friday at the latest to let you all know I am doing well and that cancer will be MY victim.

Frustrated

Three different doctors have said three different things about my thyroid situation.  One I have completely lost faith in.  The other two are brand new to me.  The only thing that is agreed upon is the need for a biopsy, which gives me at least until those results are in before I have to make up my mind about which opinion I am going with.

Oh, and I've finally met both my librarians.  One is lovely.  The other does not deserve the title in any way, shape, or form.  I find working with that one completely infuriating.  Today was spent in the company of incompetence.

Tonight I am just eating whoopie pies sent to me by someone who loves me and wanted to encourage me.  They came at a time when they were most appreciated.  I am very grateful for kind friends and homemade confections.