Showing posts with label where does the time go?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label where does the time go?. Show all posts

Friday, September 13, 2013

Da Count-Da Boy

I nuzzle your newborn cheek,
inhaling your innocence,
sighing out my thanks,
savoring the softness of your skin.
I realize one day
your cheek will scratch mine.
I wrote that poem many years ago.  It expresses my thoughts on the day my son was born.  That was eighteen years ago.  Although he was by no means a tiny baby at 9.5 lbs he just plain dwarfs me now.  He stands 11 inches taller than I do.  More than the size of his body I am struck by the size of his heart.  During his teen years he has worked in local soup kitchens, gone to Coney Island, New York to work with the homeless, spent significant time in New Orleans doing post-Katrina recovery work, traveled to a Navajo reservation and kept in contact with some young athletes there as a means to encourage their continued development in sports, and this summer he went to work in an orphanage in Haiti.  Am I bragging on him?  Yes, I think that's a fair accusation.

He's the youngest of my kids and the quietest personality of them.  His two older sisters are the types who can fill a room and in our house it has often been suggested he had not one but three mothers, although I have reminded his sisters more than occasionally over the years that the position is filled and they can just relax and be sisters.  At times as the youngest sibling he felt a bit like he was in their shadow but I'd say he's been able to cast his own.

Although, I pondered the metaphorical prickliness of having a son when he was born he's been a really even-tempered guy for the most part.  We all have our moments and Isaac certainly has his, generally he is pretty easy to get along with.  He doesn't like conflict and avoids people who like to stir the pot.

In spite of the fact that he likes to slack on schoolwork and only does his laundry about once a month (listen, I don't want you coming away thinking I believe this kid is perfect) he does have a work ethic.  He roofs with his dad and helps bring hay in for a farmer friend in the summer.  Both of those jobs are hard work involving long, hot, sweaty days.

He makes me laugh.  Sometimes it's with wordplay.  Sometimes it's with his willingness to act like a complete doofus in public.  Sometimes it's because even though he's really intelligent he can be quite oblivious.  Often it's his great appreciation for irony.

So by and large, there has not been too much "scratchiness" to endure in terms of his personality.  Instead it comes from knowing my baby, my last child, is now eighteen.  It comes from knowing he is pulling away, anxious to get on with his own life on his own terms (or so we all think at this age). It comes from watching him wrestle with himself over which direction to take.  It comes from knowing Mr. Lime and I are no longer parenting children who adore us simply because we are all they know, but we are parenting young adults who have their own goals, and plans for achieving them.  Fortunately, there is a great deal of soothing to be had in a youngest child who is not prickly in nature and who has a genuine decency about him.

Happy birthday, Isaac.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Trini Anniversary

Twenty years ago this month Mr. Lime and I moved to Trinidad, West Indies.  We'd visited two times before but this was to be a settling in for the long haul.  It feels like a lifetime ago, and I guess in a way it is.  Diana was not yet two years old and Calypso was just conceived though we didn't yet know it.  So it was their lifetime ago.  I posted this piece a year and a half ago but it captures one of our early days and the wonder of it all.


We lived in Arima, Trinidad for the bulk of our stay on the island. Come with me as I remember my first walk through Trinidad's third largest city.

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It's a hot September day in Trinidad. We've just moved into a lovely house on the outskirts of Arima. It's the biggest house I've ever lived in to date, a yellow one-story, concrete block house. We've got palm trees, hibiscus, fruit trees and all sorts of flowering tropical bushes in the yard. Our shipment of household goods from the US hasn't arrived and we haven't had a chance to buy any furniture yet. We have some borrowed folding chairs, a mattress on the floor, Diana's porta-crib and what we could carry in suitcases. We have no phone service, that won't come for weeks yet. Things move a bit slowly down here. We haven't got a car either. But we are here! Let's go grab a taxi and see what we can find in Arima.

The three of us walk the half mile out to O'Meara Rd. to catch a taxi. There are maxi-taxis which look like airport buses. They have colored stripes on the sides to designate whether they travel east/west or north/south. There are also all sorts of private cars that function as taxis. We recognize them by the license plate number which starts with 'H' for 'hire.' On a busy road like O'Meara there is no trouble finding a taxi. The slightest eye contact with a driver or nod of your head brings one to a screeching halt. Even if a full one passes by it is only a matter of a minute or two before another one comes along. An H-car stops for us and the driver asks, "Long drop or short?" The befuddled Americans look at each other and he clarifies, "Where all yuh goin'?" Oh just into Arima, please. "Ok, dat is a long drop as I will be crossing de Bus Route den. Just so yuh know. Tree TT dollahs fuh a long drop, two fuh a short." We peer out the windows all along the ride, watching coconut trees, strange buildings, and an endless parade of other taxis whiz by. The driver rather skillfully dodges the massive potholes and ditches along the side of the road in spite of some of the tight squeezes that look utterly impossible. We disembark in downtown Arima and the driver indicates where the O'Meara Rd. taxi stand is situated so we know for our return trip. Aside from being white Americans, which makes it impossible to camouflage, we must have that "just off the boat/deer in the headlights" look to us. I'm grateful for the kindness.

We head right into the thick of the action. It's market day so the town is full of shoppers, though it is late morning and the latecomers will be scrambling for the remnants of the fresh produce. Hills of bright red tomatoes, sheaves of local dasheen bush and cooking herbs, mountains of more kinds of bananas than I knew existed stretch out on rows of tables shielded by tarps or wooden roofs. Gigantic pawpaws dangle from roofs and pyramids of watermelons tempt me. Watermelon in September! Awesome! I'm a bit shocked by the booth with all manner of pig parts. And I mean all manner! The table draws my attention like a car wreck. There are rows for ears, tails, snouts, whole heads, and feet! I silently swear to myself not to ask what parts of a pig are in a dish I may be served in the future. Ignorance will be bliss. The call of, "Potatoes $2 a pong (pound)!" and the counter of, "Oh gosh, gyal! So much? De next one ovah have it $1.75 a pong!" snaps me back to attention.

We slowly work our way out of the market and back to the street. We pass Royal Bank and stroll toward The Dial. At the central crossroads of Arima stands a clock. When the town was first founded it was an actual sundial. No one remains who would have seen the sundial but the spot is still referred to by that name. On our way, we stroll through the main business district. There are stores and a few restaurants. We see lots of Trinidadian franchises among the appliance stores, the grocery, clothiers and fabric shops, lots of mom and pop type stores too. We take notice of the offices for the local utility companies. Little do we realize how much time we will spend standing in those lines over the next few months. My eye is so drawn to the fabric stores (so much variety, so cheap, and such good quality! I can't resist!) and I ask Mr. Lime if he minds me wandering through one. He says no but he will keep walking with Diana since she has lots of energy. They will meet me back here in 20 minutes.

The time passes. I exit the store and wait for a few minutes. I see no sign of them. I check my watch and see a half hour has passed. I'm not worried but I wonder if I should stay here or go look for them. I stand on the corner at the Dial, in the center of Trinidad's 3rd largest city, looking up one street and down the other. I am a complete stranger but a lady going on her way and without missing a step informs me, "Yuh husban' an' chile up by de post office." Um, ok. Thank you! I take my chances as I find my way to the post office and sure enough, there they are! I guess when you are so obviously foreign, people know you belong together. As I tell my story Mr. Lime and I share quite a giggle over it.

It's getting hot and we are getting hungry so we decide on a street vendor for some doubles, two small saffron-colored, soft pancakes filled with curried chickpeas and potatoes. The vendor asks if we want pepper. We ask how hot because we've had some encounters already. The vendor obliges us with a short course on the types of pepper available not only for doubles but for any dish you can imagine. Mr. Lime decides he is content with "slight pepper." The vendor counters with a bit of picong (good natured ribbing) about the relative weakness of American tongues and stomachs in being able to handle a proper Trini pepper. The doubles are incredibly cheap and really filling and delicious! We wash it all down with "sweetdrink." Mr. Lime goes for a Coke, I want to try the local favorite Big Red. I'm not a big soda drinker normally, but under the blazing tropical sun it sure hits the spot. We double check with him about the location of the O'Meara taxi stand and head over.

We decide on the maxi-taxi this time since one has been parked a few minutes and is waiting for a final set of passengers to fill up before leaving. We squeeze in and settle among the other passengers and all their goods from market day. The aromas of herbs, peppers, ripe fruits and various toiletries swirl around inside the maxi. It may be tropical but it's unlikely you'll encounter BO on a maxi in Trinidad. People here are fastidious in hygiene. Even if you don't have running water in your house you either haul water to bathe twice a day or you take your turn bathing at a public standpipe by the side of the road. As we bump down the road toward home we see a couple of children being lathered, scrubbed, and rinsed by one such standpipe. Our road is coming up, we indicate to the driver where to stop, pay our fare and step out. Diana is asleep on my shoulder and we slowly walk the half mile back to our house. It's the heat of the day and time for all of us to be resting.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Bike Trip Reunion

Twenty-five years ago Mr. Lime and I were part of a group of 11 people who traveled by bicycle from Pennsylvania to California.  In a few short hours we are leaving for a reunion of the folks with whom we traveled.  Five years ago I posted a series of stories from the original trip.  Since a lot of you weren't reading at that point and I;ll be gone for a few days I thought I'd leave the links for you in case you might be interested.  It was quite an adventure.  My job was not to pedal but to drive the support car, cook for the group, do their laundry, and set up camp each night.  It was an amazing way to see the country and full of lessons as well as sights.  I hope you'll take time to enjoy some of the stories.

The Riders
Wanderlust 
Big Water
Going the Extra Mile in Michigan
Weirdness
Little Bikes on the Big Prairie 
Wild Wyoming 
Yellowstone Farewell 
Three Biketeers 
California, Here I Come 
The Road Home 
Ramblings from the Road

Monday, June 07, 2010

Calypso


As Calypso's fourth birthday neared she was giddy with excitement. She quivered in anticipation of the party, the cake, the presents, the day, of attaining the grand old age of four. I thought certainly she'd spend at least a month or so basking in just BEING four, in being able to announce it to people who asked how old she was. I was wrong. The day after her birthday she asked, "Mommy, how many more days until I turn five?" If you've ever been on a road trip with a carload of kids determined to count back all the way from A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall, multiply that by 3.65 to get the number of times I heard the above question. Then raise it to a power of 10 to get a rough estimate of the anticipatory tension filling my preschooler's heart with regard to her fifth birthday.

That year of her life I not only answered the daily question but I actively sought to cultivate in Calypso and appreciation of the NOW. While looking forward in excitement can be not only fun but a source of hope when it's most needed it should also be balanced with an awareness today's joy. I also feared my wee girl might get herself so worked up over what she expected to happen in the distant future (because really, when you're four a whole year is a quarter of your lifetime) that when it finally arrived it would be a big letdown. I didn't want this to be a pattern in her life which built a foundation for constant disappointment. I wanted her to celebrate the milestones she was achieving now without rushing past them like recently opened gifts discarded amidst the paper and bows to see what was the next new plaything to hold her attention for only a moment.

Please do not in any way regard it as a criticism of my second born but it has seemed to be a hardwired aspect of Calypso's personality not only to wait in expectation for the next great thing but to flit from activity to activity and from mood to mood. She is a butterfly socially. She is mercurial emotionally. I accept this is who she is. I'm not looking to disassemble and re-wire her into some preconceived idea of who she ought to be. I find the beauty of the way she is expressed in eyes that shine with delight which can in no way be contained and a smile that's like the sun. I see how her enthusiasm is a catalyst which motivates people who would have otherwise remained inert. I've just sought to build the awareness of what's in her path before she leaves it in her wake and to encourage enough perseverance to accept obstacles with grace as she navigates them effectively rather than immediately changing course.

It so happens that her birthday coincides roughly with the end of the school year so there is a certain amount of reflection/anticipation built into the season. Last week she texted me at work after the annual ceremony wherein the juniors of the school are bestowed the privilege of leading the school as the new seniors. The excitement of her announcement "I'm a SENIOR!!!!" was unmistakable even on my phone's tiny screen. I simply replied, "Congratulations! Make it your best year yet. :)" Just as her message carried immeasurable happiness, my response carried with it the weight of the history of her struggles and successes over the years, especially this one.

The middle child has also had a chance to blossom a bit this year since her sister's shadow has been cast at college. Mind you, Calypso has always had her own ideas. This is the child from a family of hunters who declared herself a vegetarian for two years because she didn't feel good about killing animals. This is the fashionista from a mother who loves tie dye and a father who defined the grunge look before it was called anything other than not caring. It's sometimes been hard for her to deal with people who can't handle individuality and it's been hard for her to choose to be an individual. Peer pressure has been especially hard for her in the past. She now seems to have developed a gentle contentment with herself regardless of whether or not the crowd approves.

You may recall how she began the year at one school she prepared for heavily, anticipated greatly, and finally entered enthusiastically. You may also recall she returned to her former school, at her own request, halfway through this school year. I've seen real growth in her. Since returning she has faced things that would have left her in a puddle of tears a year earlier. Since I changed jobs and work much later now I have seen her pick up slack at home without being asked. Now when she expresses anticipation for the future it involves making actual plans, not just expecting things to happen magically. She also seems to have started noticing things in the present she missed too easily before. There are still a lot of questions, still lessons to be learned, still maturity to be developed (for all of us, not just her), but what a long way she has come.

This week my girl turns seventeen. When she was four I couldn't imagine her being this old, not that I was in a rush for her to get here, mind you. There have been experiences with her that I've savored all along the way. There have been worries I've held in my heart. Right now I celebrate her birthday and her transition to being a high school senior...and I look forward to seeing what comes next for her.