Monday, November 13, 2006

Another Epic Meme

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open because Mr. Lime likes to hang his towel on his closet door and my closet is overflowing with boxes I never unpacked from 3 years ago. It bothers me but clearly I am not loosing sleep over it.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Yes, I have quite the side business in black market toiletries.

3. Have you ever "done it" in a hotel room?
'Done it???' Who is asking this question, a 12 year old??? If 'it' refers to a man and a woman making love slowly for hours or alternately fucking each other blind...yeah, I've 'done it.' If 'it' involves livestock, a mannequin, or a corpse the answer is a resounding 'NO!'

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Ok, call me crazy, but the way they curl up gets on my nerves.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
Frequently, or would that be infrequently?

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
This is where I pick neither

8. Toilet Paper off the top or the bottom of the roll?
Off the top, always off the top. There is no negotiation on this point. The toothpaste issue can be solved by buying separate tubes. There will be no his and hers TP dispensers, you will do it my way or suffer my wrath.

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
Why limit myself to what is expected?

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
I have no pets. Peeves seem like they'd be easy enough to keep but then you realize they grow to accomodate the size of their cage...but you only realize it after you've replaced it three times and by then the thing is eating you out of house and home and too big to flush down the toilet. I heard the sewers have been taken over by them too.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
How in blue blazes do you 'tuck out?'

12. Favorite School grade?

13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yes, I took a chance that the bears wouldn't be shitting where I was peeing.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Excuse me, if I hear it in my head then music is playing. I can't be held accountable for your lack of imagination.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Has the USDA issued a recommended daily amount for this?

16. How many people have you slept with this week?
Slept as in gotten horizontal, been unconsious, entered REM, and beaten the hell outta the alarm clock when it went off or slept as in 'doin it?'

17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?

18. What is your "song of the week"?
I have to pick a new one each week? Won't the ones I don't pick have hurt feelings?

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Pink cheeks are so cute...*pinch pinch, spank spank*

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
Some would say my life is a cartoon

21. What's your favorite scary movie?
'Favorite' and 'scary movie' are contradictory terms

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
In my cleavage

23. What do you drink with dinner?
The blood of my enemies

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
See above

25. What are your favorite foods/cuisine?
This answer could fill a blog...

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Simon Birch, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
Mr. Lime

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
My mother said I was not allowed to be a girls scout since she had been forced to be one. Ironic, no?

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
There is a magazine that specializes in stretchmarks and cellulite?

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
When I sent tea to

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
This is what Jiffy Lube is for

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

33. Ran out of gas?
Oh yeah! With a 5 year old, in a snow storm, no less.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich(s)?
Lime between 2 strapping lads (that one is just to make you smile, Blither dear)

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?

36. What is your usual bedtime?
When QWERTY is imprinted across my forehead

37. Are you lazy?
Who you callin' la....meh, I can't be bothered...

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Clown, Can-can girl, gypsy, Dolly Parton, kid in Dr. Denton Pajamas

39. Do you remember you first Email Address?

40. How many languages can you speak?
I can muddle through in Spanish. I can read French better than I can converse in it. I can exchange pleasantries in a bunch more.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Only because my air miles were set to expire.

42.Which are better legos or Lincoln logs?
Legos! Have you seen the Bionicles...those things are engineering marvels!

43. Are you stubborn?
I prefer 'exhibiting strong resolve.' You got a problem with that, tough.

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?

45. Ever watch soap operas?
When I spent 5 weeks on bedrest during the first pregnancy I did.

46. Afraid of heights?
Not really, but I do have a new found anxiety about falling.

47. Sing in the car?
Loud and off key

48. Dance in the shower?
Oh, is that the new euphemism for what I do in there?

49. Dance in the car?
All the time

50. Ever used a gun?
I'm a fine shot, thank you very much.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Does my DL count?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
They have one that's all about cheese??

53. Is Christmas stressful?
It will be this year...

54. Ever eat a pierogie?
Are you kidding me? They are practically a food group unto themselves.

55. Favorite fruit pie?

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Actress or nun (which is hilarious given my folks are athiests and I had no religious training....I just thought Sally Field had a really groovy hat)

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
Not in the way most people would think of them

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Didn't you just ask me this?

59. Take a vitamin daily?

60. Wear slippers?
Nice warm shearling ones, I love them in the winter

61. Crunchy or Smooth peanut butter?

62. What do you wear to bed?

63. First concert?
Clearly someone not worth the ticket price since I can't recall who it was...

64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?

65. Nike or Adidas?
Nike accomodates my duck feet more adequately

66. Cheetos or Fritos?

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

68. Ever hear of, "gorp"?
No backpacking trip is complete without it

69. Ever take dance lessons?
No, but I want to take Latin ballroom lessons...anyone care to partner up?

70. Is there a profession you picture yourself doing?
Professional blogger or taste tester in a chocolate factory

71. Can you curl your tongue?
Yes, pity it doesn't pay

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
I'm an excellent speller but I am too visual, I need to see it written out.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
After five weeks of bedrest, 2 days of labor and a c-section you bet I did.

74. Own any record albums?
Not anymore

75. Own a record player?
My dad is trying to convince me I want his old one

76. Do you burn incense?
It gives me a raging headache, I learned this at a Ravi Shankar concert.

77. Ever been in love?
Is there a perosn with a pulse over the age of 13 who hasn't been?

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
Blue Man group, Harry Connick Jr, Prince, about a skillion others

79. <--- This Q is MIA Hhhmm...

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

81.Tea or coffee?
I have gagged down exactly 2 cups of coffee in my entire life, one because I was freezing cold and it was the only thing hot available, the other because I was in a poor Bolivian village and it was given in hospitality.

82. <---- 2nd MIA Q This seems to be a problem.

83. Can you swim well?
Since Janita came along I can merely manage to keep myself from drowning

84. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Yes, bud if I hode by dose I cad talk like dis.

85. Are you patient?
Who told you about that time at Belleview???

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
As long as whoever it is knows how to run a party and plays danceable music I don't care

87. <----- 3rd MIA Q
Looking over my shoulder now...

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
Why would anyone need their plastic operated on?

89. Which are better black or green olives?
Ok, here is where every Greek on the planet becomes irate with me as a half-Greek...I love olive oil, hate olives.

90.Can you knit or crochet?
Used to do both

91. Best room for a fireplace?
Any room

92. Do you want to get married?
Mr. Lime might have something to say about that

93. If married how long have you been married?
Nearly half my life...doesn't that make me sound old?

94. Who was your HS crush?
Sean, his presence in trigonometry class made that horror tolerable.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit to get your own way?
Never. I throw heavy objects instead.

96. Do you have pets?
Petting is good

97. Do you want kids?
You mean the ones I have or extra ones?

98. What’s your favorite color?
Come on this is #98, I really don't think anyone even cares by now. In fact, I bet they stopped reading this thing long about #41 when you asked me that dumb magazine question. You've really got to come up with something more intriguing than that...

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
Dead or alive?

100. Who do you want to see right now?
See as in notice them crossing the street, sit down and have a visit together, or make eye contact while he peers at me from between my thighs? (Yes, I really said that. I figured if you made it this far you might need to be jolted back to consciousness)


Anonymous said...

I think this was created for the under-twenty crowd. You were very brave to do it!

barefoot_mistress said...

What? You dont like post-it notes?

As you know, I would have no sex life without them! :P

Ok I read to about 20 then skipped to 100...he he! I'll come back later and read more!

Happy Monday Lime!

Seamus said...

ROFLMAO!!!! Loved the ending :)

You know you are now responsible for my Monday morning *LOCA and subsequent drenching of laptop :/

*Loss of coffee accident

KFarmer said...

Love your me-me's :)

Anonymous said...

Well worth the loooooong journey to number 100. LMAO.

steve said...

petting is good hehehe!! and #2 made me LOL I stay in a motel 2 or 3 times a week and I ALWAYS take em with me LOL!

Charles from India said...

MICHELLE!! Peering from...??? I confess I can't believe I read the whole thing. What a laugh... you are so frickin' funny. So you want me to send you some soaps from Indian hotels? Ha ha... ah dear, you're too funny... must resist naughty answers. Ba dum bum!

Logophile said...

sniggered through the whole thing and then gaffawed.
Well done.
tee hee hee

m said...

stealing a street sign? that can't be done without heavy machinery!

Anonymous said...

You're right! It really would be a treat to see the blue man group! That would be very cool!

They are so fascinating.


snavy said...

LOL!! You rock my world!!

I love post-its!! It's almost unnatural how much.

Tommy said...

Consider me jolted! Oh and about that mannequin? Don't tell me you forgot about that night in the French Riviera? You me and Henri'? Remember?

Lori said...

Hi Lime,
I am here via Top Cat's blog and that was just about the best darn me me I have read in awhile.

Moosekahl said...

I'm going to put on my sherling slippers right now and crawl into my bed but if your Dad still has that record player, I'm interested :) I still have my aunt's collections of 45's but my mom sold my record player.

Brian said...

100 definitely jolted me awake just in time for a cold shower!

aunt bea said...

very funny, lime! i figgered if you can suffer through my monotonous, unfunny, rambling emails, the least i could do was read your whole post. well, that, and i'm trying to get back to sleep...

thanks a lot for ruining it with 100! :)

Lady Lux said...

100!!..salute to you!..enjoyed reading and loved the HNT pic down there!

Semi-Celibate Man said...

Funny. Very, very funny. You have a natural wit. Misguided about "crunchy", but funny.

Phain said...

oh how i love epics! i'm gonna have to do this one too... ;)