Monday, April 16, 2007

Diana-isms

The 16 year old Limelette has never had difficulty with expressing herself and is almost never without a snappy zinger. Allow me to share...


Upon discovering someone had eaten the last of some snack she had purchased for herself.
When I move outta here my place is gonna be like 'Conspiracy Theory' (Mel Gibson has every food in a labelled container and each container has a combination lock on it). No one will touch my stuff, EVER! Ok, you're going to love dorm life at college. Are you kidding me? I can't stand the people who share a similar genetic makeup with me messing with me and my stuff. I'd have to hurt a random, smelly, stranger who got into things.

Announcement from the child we sometimes refer to as the self appointed dictator for life. This is her manner of asking me to do something.
I have made an executive decision. We'll I've made many today but most of my teachers were stupid and ignored the decisions I made.


Informing me of some of the answers she put down on an anonymous survey researching drug use among students which the school makes the kids fill out every year.
Well, I didn't have to invent much last year since I could answer honestly that we had Vicodin, Percoset, and Darvocet in the house after your accident. This year I think I will tell them it's time for my initiation as an adult into our tribe. You will lead me in a peyote induced trance. You're kidding? No, uh, last year I wrote down that you asked me to share the painkillers with you so we could be stoned together. The year before that I told them you had me sell the pot we grew in the basement. This survey is stupid and I am sick of taking it so I make stuff up to amuse myself. Don't worry it's anonymous.

Which reminds me of....

When she had her vision screening prior to entering kindergarten.
The 100 year old nurse took Diana by the hand and led her to the office saying, 'We're going to go play some games now, won't that be fun?' I thought to myself, 'Lady you asked for it.' A little while later she returned panicked and with Diana in tow.

'Mrs. Lime, I think Diana is blind in one eye!!'

Oh, is that so? What leads you to believe that? '

Well, she covered her eye and read the chart beautifully, didn't miss a single one. Then I had her cover the other eye and she got every single letter wrong, even the top one.'

Yes, I understand. Are you sure she was following your directions?

Oh yes, yes! She was trying VERY hard, bless the sweet thing.

Well, I am quite sure she put on a good show but you see, you invited her to 'play a game' with you. I am willing to bet she played by your rules for the first round and HER rules for the second round. If you had been straight with her and said you needed to make sure her eyes were working properly so she would not have any problems seeing things in school she would have played by your rules for both rounds.

Oh no, no. She was really concentrating. You will have to have her examined privately and have this form filled out verifying how the doctor corrects her vision.

Hhhmm, yes, fine.

I made the necessary appointment. The optometrist informed me that Diana in fact had BETTER than 20/20 vision in BOTH eyes.

This limelette has done things her way for a very very loooong time.

31 comments:

G-Man said...

Yep..
Like Mother
Like Daughter!

Now if she turns out half as careing, half as talented, and half as kind as you Trini, she will grow up complete!!

Have a great morning...xox

SignGurl said...

Your daughter's independence is amazing. I can only hope my girls will be as well adjusted and in tune with their surrondings as Miss Diana.

I read the post below and immediately remembered the pain you had endured. Your attitude then, as well as now is uplifting.

RennyBA said...

Limelette has great potential starting to do things her way that early. Sometimes one could wish adults didn't lost that capability that soon:-)

Cosima said...

:D Wonderful stories... she will do alright in life. I can tell.

Jim said...

Lol, thanks . . . as if I wasn't apprehensive enough about my little princess becoming a teenager.

Love the one about "touching my stuff" . . . reminds me of a movie scene, of course.

"Also, I don't like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meathooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. And I don't like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you."

"Lighten up, Francis."

XO

steve said...

LOL!! That is great!!

We have one JUST like that! She was NEVER a big fan of car seats LOL

Lizard Princess said...

You can rest easy that she will not be easily taken advantage of later in life, that's for sure!

I was looking over your profile, and I noticed Travels with Charley on your book list-
I LOVE THAT BOOK! There are very few books in this world that warrent a good "book hugging", but that one certainly does.

Melody said...

Your limelett and my breezie...have alot in common. Especially the "Dictator" stuff...We fondly (or not so fondly) refer to ours at QUEEN...

Logophile said...

Heh heh, I think I detect a fellow Stripes fan.
Every year for a cooperative I'm part of we are to fill out a form about our education, talents, interests, etc etc.
I filled it out straight the first year (twice).
After that, it was all about the clown college, yodelling and riding a unicycle down the ridge pole of a roof.
I think I was right, they don't really read them after they know who you are, I've never gotten a single comment about the increasingly outrageous claims.
Have I mentioned I like your kids?

S said...

Oyyyyy...Im glad I only have one. Hang in there Lime!

ttfootball said...

At least she eh no bobolee
LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Diana, Queen of mamaguy.

DaMasta said...

And what rules e.x.a.c.t.l.y did she play by the second time?? LOL! She's priceless Lime ;)

Charles said...

I am trying to picture a hundred year old nurse... nah, don't wanna do that anymore.

Moosekahl said...

She learn those tricks from her mom?

bsoholic said...

Haha! She rocks! The drug survey answers are priceless.

lime said...

g-man, thanks you are too kind

signgirl, thanks. i hope your own recovery is going well. hugs.

renny, oddly enough i have always considered diana to have been born 40 years old. lol

cosima, a force to be reckoned with for sure

jim, don't mean to terrify you...and GREAT movie quote! hahaha

steve, oh i bet you and i could swap all sorts of stories...

lizard princess, i pity the fool who tries to take advantage of her.

melody, the only question is whether or not they are benevolent in their reign

logo, i believe you may have mentioned your affection. ;)

s, i'm here for you when the time comes

tt, queen of backchat too!

damasta, the rules that say naive centenarians are fair game

charles, i don't recommend it

moose, moi??? whatever are you suggesting?

bs, it was a moment of parental pride for me...

lecram sinun said...

OK... that post really set up my day. Sounds like the limette doesn't fall too far from the bush/tree. :)

Breazy said...

LOL! My oldest daughter is kind of like that. She gets bored easy so she will play with people the way you were talking about Diana doing. I hope you are feeling better today and I hope the rest of your week goes great! HUGS!

Margee-Martha-Marsha Pick-One said...

It's already been said Lime, like Mother like Daughter.

I'm still laughing over logophile's comments:

"After that, it was all about the clown college, yodelling and riding a unicycle down the ridge pole of a roof."

Darn, my kids school doesn't hand out stupid surveys.

jillie said...

OMG...those are funny. You DO have your arms full with her that's for sure. But it's all worth it....RIGHT Lime? Hellooooooo....anyone there????

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

Ok, you can stop laughing now.

AndyT13 said...

Woot! Riot! I especially like the optometrist bit. Teeheehee!

Heather said...

Your kids are tooo funny!!

lime said...

lecram, glad it could give yo ua good start. it was good wasn't it? say it was good, dammit!

breazy, we must not allow our two to meet.

margee, i'm sure you oculd petition them to change that

jillie, ok, wait...i need to pick myself up off the floor...

andy, it's a classic and early example of how she operates

heather, that's one adjcetive that could be applied....

Hypersonic said...

I have great admiration and stand in awe of this wonderful person you call limelette. She shall one day be leader of the known universe.

Top cat said...

she is funny, I love it, between her and your son, you have your very own entertainment channel.
tc

airplanejayne said...

I don't like people touching my food stuff either.....


--but, I love the survey answers!!!! and I'm a teacher!! i would love to fill one out wackily....but, I'm afraid that they'd catch me....

barman said...

This is wonderful. I can just picture her with the eye test. One thing I can say is she is not going to let someone influence her to much. That is a great thing these days. I think that would be so fun watching her work her magic as long as it was not on me.

Rusty Nails said...

Oh, I'm dying here. I love your daughter. In fact, the "executive decision" line may be my motto from here on out. I may even post it at my desk..."ignored the decisions I made" is the story of my life. Too funny!!

lime said...

hypersonic, what do you mean? she's already convinced she is the leader of the universe.

tc, barrel of laughs....

apj, you can put my name on it

barman, i knew you were a smart man. definitely not a force you want to be pitted against

rusty, she'll be expecting royalties

Diesel said...

I officially love this child.

KFarmer said...

Howl! Now that girl- She has got that tiger by the tail. Wonder what she is going to do with it? Can't wait to see (more:)