Diana-isms

The 16 year old Limelette has never had difficulty with expressing herself and is almost never without a snappy zinger. Allow me to share...


Upon discovering someone had eaten the last of some snack she had purchased for herself.
When I move outta here my place is gonna be like 'Conspiracy Theory' (Mel Gibson has every food in a labelled container and each container has a combination lock on it). No one will touch my stuff, EVER! Ok, you're going to love dorm life at college. Are you kidding me? I can't stand the people who share a similar genetic makeup with me messing with me and my stuff. I'd have to hurt a random, smelly, stranger who got into things.

Announcement from the child we sometimes refer to as the self appointed dictator for life. This is her manner of asking me to do something.
I have made an executive decision. We'll I've made many today but most of my teachers were stupid and ignored the decisions I made.


Informing me of some of the answers she put down on an anonymous survey researching drug use among students which the school makes the kids fill out every year.
Well, I didn't have to invent much last year since I could answer honestly that we had Vicodin, Percoset, and Darvocet in the house after your accident. This year I think I will tell them it's time for my initiation as an adult into our tribe. You will lead me in a peyote induced trance. You're kidding? No, uh, last year I wrote down that you asked me to share the painkillers with you so we could be stoned together. The year before that I told them you had me sell the pot we grew in the basement. This survey is stupid and I am sick of taking it so I make stuff up to amuse myself. Don't worry it's anonymous.

Which reminds me of....

When she had her vision screening prior to entering kindergarten.
The 100 year old nurse took Diana by the hand and led her to the office saying, 'We're going to go play some games now, won't that be fun?' I thought to myself, 'Lady you asked for it.' A little while later she returned panicked and with Diana in tow.

'Mrs. Lime, I think Diana is blind in one eye!!'

Oh, is that so? What leads you to believe that? '

Well, she covered her eye and read the chart beautifully, didn't miss a single one. Then I had her cover the other eye and she got every single letter wrong, even the top one.'

Yes, I understand. Are you sure she was following your directions?

Oh yes, yes! She was trying VERY hard, bless the sweet thing.

Well, I am quite sure she put on a good show but you see, you invited her to 'play a game' with you. I am willing to bet she played by your rules for the first round and HER rules for the second round. If you had been straight with her and said you needed to make sure her eyes were working properly so she would not have any problems seeing things in school she would have played by your rules for both rounds.

Oh no, no. She was really concentrating. You will have to have her examined privately and have this form filled out verifying how the doctor corrects her vision.

Hhhmm, yes, fine.

I made the necessary appointment. The optometrist informed me that Diana in fact had BETTER than 20/20 vision in BOTH eyes.

This limelette has done things her way for a very very loooong time.