Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Diana-isms

Her first words were not "mama" or "dada." It was an emphatic "NO!"

When she was 2 she would bring a book to me to read to her. If I did not immediately commence she began to beat me with the book.

When she was 3 and a half and absolutely refusing to be potty trained I looked at her with complete dismay and asked in utter exasperation why she wouldn't use the potty. She regarded me calmly and intoned, "I don't want you to control me."

At 4 she'd get up in the morning and draw symbols such as bowls of cereal, a television, a book, or the swing set down the side of a paper. This was her 'schedule' for the day and pity the fool who had other plans.

When she was nearly 5 she came to me in tears and said Daddy and I could not go to the hospital to have her baby brother because she just was not ready to take care of her little sister all by herself while we were gone. (I obviously did a good job of letting her know where we'd be and a lousy job of letting her know where SHE'D be.)

When she was 6 and the kindergarten teacher couldn't get her to be quiet even when her desk was up front all by herself, she finally put her at the table of kids who couldn't speak English figuring the lack of response for a while would hush Diana, and if not, they'd at least be exposed to a child who spoke well.

At 7 she decided to go see the guidance counselor for some advice about other kids who were getting on her nerves. The GC gave her some suggestions to put into practice and said she'd call her back in a couple weeks to see how things were going. As they walked back to the classroom Diana said, "Well now, I will need your card so I know when my next therapy appointment is."

When she had her tonsils out at age 8 and finally was beginning to feel a little better after puking for 15 hours she buzzed the nurse 9 times in 45 minutes for various things. After she was set up with everything she wanted she leaned back in the bed, smiled and declared, "I gotta get a button like this for home!"

When she was 9 and I was combing lice out of her very coarse hair with a very fine comb she screamed through the entire process and shouted, "When I get to heaven God is gonna tell me WHY He ever made lice!!!!"

At 10 she laid in her bed sobbing for an hour after I sent her to her room for bad behavior (mind you this is the child who looked at me after a spanking at age 5 and said staunchly, "I'm...NOT...going...to...cry."). When I asked her what she was still crying about she wailed, "I don't knoooooooooowwwwwww." (I figured out pretty quickly the hormones were beginning to hit.)

When she was 11 she asked if every now and then when she felt scared about growing up would it be ok for her to crawl up in my lap and lay her head on my chest like when she was very small.

At 12 she told me she preferred to ask Daddy for things because she got better results. If he initially said "no" she could either wait and ask later and he'd forget he said "no." She could nag him into a "yes." She could act cute and get her way. She said I never forgot, didn't respond to nagging, and cuteness got her nowhere. I was surprised she'd tip her hand to obviously.

When she was 13 she told me I had a bad sense of fashion. She was wearing a brown and white knit hat, 6 necklaces, a black and white tee shirt, cut off Army camo pants with a blue sweatshirt around her waist, neon green soccer socks, and black Chuck Taylor sneakers.

When I told her at 14 I would require her to choose a foreign language to study she protested but when she realized I would not budge on the issue she chose German because "Mom studied French and Spanish and I want to be able to insult her and not have her know what I am saying."

At 15 she came home to announce she had done very well during the debate portion of her public speaking class and she really enjoyed it. She seemed to think this would be a surprise to me.

When she was 16 she started asking me what she should wear to various events. I told her I was not going to offer an opinion because I long ago learned that mine was always wrong and if she resented me dressing her when she was very small I was doubtful she'd think much of my suggestions now. She replied, "But when I was small I had no control in life so I had to usurp whatever I could all the time. Now I am grown and I have a lot more control so I can throw you a bone now and then."

Today she is 17. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.

31 comments:

airplanejayne said...

this is so precious! Your Diana and my Erynn sound like they would have a blast!

Dear Diana,
Happy birthday - I don't know you, but your Mom cracks me up. I'm sure by now you realize how lucky you are -- even if she drives you nuts sometimes.


Lime - congrats on your success at raising an independent thinker. Just like a quiche, they can be quite difficult, but well worth the effort. You have earned the award: "Top Chef/Mommy."

(btw: wouldn't it be funny to let our kids write THEIR memories in OUR blog? hmmmm......)

Liquid said...

Oh Airplanejane, what a thought! Hmmmmm?

Lime, love your Diana's honest view on who she is and how it works! She sounds like a gem! :)

And you, you get to see a bit of your inner-child every now and then too, eh?

Hey, after hopscotch and a tea party, we decided to play marbles.
Everyone seems to be looking for theirs and we'd love you to tag along! he he he .............

G-Man said...

Happy Birthday "D"...
I sure hope your Mom lets you read this somehow...
And if you are 1/2 as creative and caring and loving as your lovely Mother..You will be certainly make this world a better place...

Michelle...
great job in remembering tid-bits from every year.

xoxox

furiousBall said...

what a bright little person. Happy Birthday Diana.

I'll ask God about lice when I get there too

S said...

Happy Birthday Diana!

Lime if you are lucky, the bone she throws wont hit you on the head!

Logophile said...

Happy Birthday,Diana!

I'm thinking it takes a particular person to be able to raise that girl without squashing her spirit, abusing her, killing her, or going to jail
:p
Good job!

KiKi said...

what an awesome post... Happy Birthday D!

Maddy said...

Well that my dear is your very best post yet [yes I know I'm a relative newbie so my opinion doesn't count]

My biggy is 26, it never ends [I hope]
Very best wishes


This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

Margee-Martha-Marsha Pick-One said...

Love this Lime and Happy B'day to your not so little girl... The time does fly, doesn't it?

lecram sinun said...

ROFLMAO... Ah, your girl certainly is a gift! A big happy birthday to her and congratulations to you and Mr. Lime for contributing color and spunk to this world. :) Cheers!

lime said...

apj, can you imagine? you and me pole dancing on buses and the two of them plotting the overthrow of the world!

liquid, there is no guessing where you stand with her. you KNOW

gman, thank you for such kind words

furiousball, lol, i am kind of curious about the critters myself

s, you got that right!!

logo, or winding up catatonic in the corner...

kiki, thank you :)

maddy, well i certainly appreciate your opinion, youare entittled to it, newbie or not

margee, i don't know HOW she got to be this old.

lime said...

lecram, color and spunk is exactly what she has pleanty of, thanks!

jillie said...

Happy Birthday to Diana. What a great recall of her life. Sounds like you definitely had your hands full but you know, the response when she was 11 is all to precious!

Bunny said...

Oh Lord - now I know to what I have to look forward! My Girl and Diana would get along famously, if not for the 14 year age difference.

Happy B-day to Diana!! Give her a big, big, embarrassing hug!!

Charles said...

Just think, this is Tuesday, and you're giving your count today. I bless the day my daughter was born. What a blessing I received.

Charles said...

Oh, Happy Birthday to Diana. :D
This is about your blessings.

Dan said...

Happy Birthday Diana!

Michelle, when Laura asked me why I wasn't yet potty trained I used the very same excuse ("I don't want you to control me"). She began beating me with a book.

m said...

OMG! I love her choice of language and the reason behind it. Whatever motives a learner has to be good.
Frankly, I think the insults in Spanish sound better than in German as I have taken both languages. Speaking German makes me feel like I am about to ...what is the nice way to say this.."hock a loogy" (sp?) German words bring up phlegm...

--Mary (AsifYouCare)

rose_michelle said...

Aww .. I love when we get peeks at the life of a Limelet! Happy birthday Diana!

Jeni said...

It's so much better when you have one who will communicate like Diana does - my oldest would sulk and plot revenge. Sometimes -at age 40 - she still does that too. It just never ends ya know!

barman said...

Did a whole year slip by already? I could swear I remember her last birthday. Anyway happy birthday to Diana. I am sure she has been a challenge to raise with how strong willed Diana is but what a wonderful person that has emerged. You have done wonderful raising her and she has chosen a wonderful path for herself.

I am so glad Diana has thrown you a few bones through the years. I love the button idea but you know the button would NEVER work on you. What she said at 11 and 16 makes it all worth while that and watching her grow into a young lady. I hope you have another wonderful Diana-ism from this year.

lime said...

jillie, yes she has always been a handful, but comments like when she was 11 are my reward.

bunny, you have my best wishes for the future....

charles, she is exhausting but she is a blessing indeed

dan, you're lucky she only used a book!

m, spanish is a very fun language to curse in

rose, i hope i have not put yo uoff someday having your own!

jeni, yes, i have a ranted and a sulker. pros and cons each way.

barman, i just don't know where the time has gone.

Moosekahl said...

All you need is a scrapbook page for each of those pages and those stories to go with it...so precious! Happy 17th to the one who makes the world go round!

Mona said...

Happy Birthday to Diana!

Hmmmm, A Sagittarius ... That explains it all! LOL!

Ps> Today is my mother's birthday too ;D

rob said...

Great wee stories, well-told.

xx

KFarmer said...

Tears in eyes... Please give my warmest wishes for a very happy birthday to the beautiful, firey Diana~ She without a doubt is a doozie :)

kels said...

holy moly! i just read your blog about your daughter and i started to laugh out loud. it made me think about all the cheeky comments i must have made to my mom throughout my entire childhood. at 26, i can definitely see what my mom and all mothers have to deal with...not going to lie that it makes me think twice about ever having my own...

tsduff said...

Wow, takes one to handle one... Your daughter hasn't got anything over you :) Lime you are amazing to remember all that stuff about your daughter - happy late ahem... birthday to Diana.

Jocelyn said...

Darn. This is posted too recently for me to suggest it as one of your "Best of the Year"...but it is.

I LOVE this post--and that recalcitrant and charming girl.

Theresa said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Di. You probably hate people calling you Di, but I'm on the other side of the ocean, so I'm thinking there's not much you can do about it. Your mom is one of the most hilarious people I know, and if you're anything like her (I'm sure you're thinking "no way!"), you'll do just fine in life.

That was a brilliant post, Lime, I'm still laughing. Diana sounds a bit like my oldest. When she was around 4, she told us that she would move to Paris as soon as she turned 16. We'll see what really happens when she turns 16 and she's realized that she can throw us a bone occasionally (or at least I hope so). :)

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