Diana-isms

Her first words were not "mama" or "dada." It was an emphatic "NO!"

When she was 2 she would bring a book to me to read to her. If I did not immediately commence she began to beat me with the book.

When she was 3 and a half and absolutely refusing to be potty trained I looked at her with complete dismay and asked in utter exasperation why she wouldn't use the potty. She regarded me calmly and intoned, "I don't want you to control me."

At 4 she'd get up in the morning and draw symbols such as bowls of cereal, a television, a book, or the swing set down the side of a paper. This was her 'schedule' for the day and pity the fool who had other plans.

When she was nearly 5 she came to me in tears and said Daddy and I could not go to the hospital to have her baby brother because she just was not ready to take care of her little sister all by herself while we were gone. (I obviously did a good job of letting her know where we'd be and a lousy job of letting her know where SHE'D be.)

When she was 6 and the kindergarten teacher couldn't get her to be quiet even when her desk was up front all by herself, she finally put her at the table of kids who couldn't speak English figuring the lack of response for a while would hush Diana, and if not, they'd at least be exposed to a child who spoke well.

At 7 she decided to go see the guidance counselor for some advice about other kids who were getting on her nerves. The GC gave her some suggestions to put into practice and said she'd call her back in a couple weeks to see how things were going. As they walked back to the classroom Diana said, "Well now, I will need your card so I know when my next therapy appointment is."

When she had her tonsils out at age 8 and finally was beginning to feel a little better after puking for 15 hours she buzzed the nurse 9 times in 45 minutes for various things. After she was set up with everything she wanted she leaned back in the bed, smiled and declared, "I gotta get a button like this for home!"

When she was 9 and I was combing lice out of her very coarse hair with a very fine comb she screamed through the entire process and shouted, "When I get to heaven God is gonna tell me WHY He ever made lice!!!!"

At 10 she laid in her bed sobbing for an hour after I sent her to her room for bad behavior (mind you this is the child who looked at me after a spanking at age 5 and said staunchly, "I'm...NOT...going...to...cry."). When I asked her what she was still crying about she wailed, "I don't knoooooooooowwwwwww." (I figured out pretty quickly the hormones were beginning to hit.)

When she was 11 she asked if every now and then when she felt scared about growing up would it be ok for her to crawl up in my lap and lay her head on my chest like when she was very small.

At 12 she told me she preferred to ask Daddy for things because she got better results. If he initially said "no" she could either wait and ask later and he'd forget he said "no." She could nag him into a "yes." She could act cute and get her way. She said I never forgot, didn't respond to nagging, and cuteness got her nowhere. I was surprised she'd tip her hand to obviously.

When she was 13 she told me I had a bad sense of fashion. She was wearing a brown and white knit hat, 6 necklaces, a black and white tee shirt, cut off Army camo pants with a blue sweatshirt around her waist, neon green soccer socks, and black Chuck Taylor sneakers.

When I told her at 14 I would require her to choose a foreign language to study she protested but when she realized I would not budge on the issue she chose German because "Mom studied French and Spanish and I want to be able to insult her and not have her know what I am saying."

At 15 she came home to announce she had done very well during the debate portion of her public speaking class and she really enjoyed it. She seemed to think this would be a surprise to me.

When she was 16 she started asking me what she should wear to various events. I told her I was not going to offer an opinion because I long ago learned that mine was always wrong and if she resented me dressing her when she was very small I was doubtful she'd think much of my suggestions now. She replied, "But when I was small I had no control in life so I had to usurp whatever I could all the time. Now I am grown and I have a lot more control so I can throw you a bone now and then."

Today she is 17. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.