Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Madame Lime's Chocolate Zodiac

Monday I mentioned a Chocolate Zodiac. Today I thought I'd create one. Need direction or love advice? Consult this zodiac and all will be revealed.

Chocolate Ice Cream
(January 19-February 16) You are refreshing to be around but you require rather specific conditions to perform well. You can alternate between being a real drip and being downright frigid if you are not provided the right environment but those who treat you right are rewarded with real pleasure. You'll find happiness with Cake but should stay away from Hot Cocoa.

Milk Chocolate Candy Bar (February 17-March 13) There is no pretense with you. You are what you are and you make no apologies. Some find you too ordinary. However, when someone is in a real pinch they won't hesitate at all to call on you for your ability to provide comfort. Avoid Truffles in a love match as their air of superiority would strain your down to earth sensibilities. Look for White Chocolate who is often misunderstood.

Ganache (March 14-April 19) You are admired for your elegance. You enjoy cultivating the idea that you've managed something difficult even though with minimal effort others could achieve the same. You are the one who holds everyone together with your strength and who provides polish in any situation. Although you are strong you can be hurt by those who are harsh with you. Look for love with Truffles. Avoid Mousse.

Cocoa Nibs (April 20-May 15) A great many people don't have the slightest idea what to make of you when they encounter you. Misconceptions surround you but you don't really care. You know what treasure is locked inside and you'll only give it over to the one who truly appreciates you. Although some may be surprised to see the two of you together a Truffle is a good partner for you. Stay away from Cakes though since their happy-go-lucky attitude gets on your nerves.

Chocolate Cake (May-16-June 21) Like Ice Cream you are popular and folks enjoy being around you. You're more adaptable though and can navigate great formality or basic simplicity with ease. You are a peacemaker who can even keep Ganache and Mousse together harmoniously. You get along with nearly everyone but it's best to avoid Cocoa Nibs because you'd find them too bitter to tolerate.

Dark Chocolate Truffles with Raspberry Center (June 22-July 21) You are refined and expect to be treated accordingly. You really want everyone to like you but many shy away. True you have a dark side but once people take the time to get to the core of you they often find you quite likable. Your dark side enables you to understand Nibs better than anyone else and helps others appreciate Nibs as well. Nibs will help you loosen up a bit and not worry about what others think. White Chocolate could also provide a nice balance to you. Stay away from M&Ms who will never see you as anything but haughty.

Chocolate Mousse (July22-August 11) You are delicate and must be handled with care. Success for you requires more patience and careful attention to detail but when you arrive fully you are magnificent. Love is best found with Chocolate Cake but avoid Ganache who will only overpower you.

Chocolate Chips (August 12-September 17) You wish you had the strength to stand on your own but you generally need the support of others. What you don't realize is your presence is often what strengthens those you are with. You add a special sweetness to every setting you are in and make people smile even when you are melting from the heat of the situation. That said, it's probably best to avoid Cocoa. Pair up with M&Ms for happiness.

Milk Chocolate with Peanut Butter Meltaway Center (September 18-October 30) You strike a good balance between being sweet and loving and having a salty sense of humor. Lots of folks find you common but when they get to know you they'll appreciate how complex you really can be. You'd do well to avoid Truffles who think you lack refinement. Find a nice Cake, who also has nuance, to settle down with.

M&Ms (October 31-November23) You are a party animal. You're a bit frenetic at times. Everyone notices you. You bring a smile to everyone with your antics and enliven staid situations. You don't have a lot of patience for the dark brooding types so stay away from Truffles. You'll get along with Chips who may help calm you down when you are too over the top.

White Chocolate (November 24-December 18) Adored by some, reviled by others. You are easy on the timid folks who find the stronger personalities overbearing. It's because you often feel like the outsider looking in. You don't understand why someone as sweet and mild as you are can evoke such strong reactions in either extreme. You give a light touch to heavy situations. Look for Milk Chocolate, Ganache or even Nibs. Don't expect a love match with Chips.

Hot Cocoa (December 19- January 18) You are adept at helping others de-stress. You are warm, soothing, unassuming. You won't turn anyone away. You're a good listener who just wants to help. You can be kind of smothering toward Chips and Ice Cream though so keep a safe distance and look for just about anyone else.


Bunny said...

This is fabulous!!!

What does it mean that I'm a chip married to a milk chocolate candy bar? Does it matter if we both were born when the moon was in Hershey?

furiousBall said...

I've definitely been around too much Mousse and not enough Truffles

Theresa said...

Brilliant! I'm a ganache married to a milk chocolate candy bar, how does the future look?

Sheri said...

ok so I am a milk chocolate candy bar married to a choclate cake. No wonder my ass is so huge. lol

This was an awesome entry!

S said...

I am white chocolate.

I dont like white chocolate.

Rewrite the entire thing!

Never mind, I will just change my birthday so I can be.....chocolate chips, orrrr even dark chocolate with raspberry centers!


lecram said...

Totally brilliant, Lime!

Of course my dirty playwright mind went directly to the pick-up lines for my sign.

"Yeah, I'm a Hot Cocoa... cradle me eently and sip slowly for maximum comfort."

barman said...

Suzie ... that would be me with that rasberry center. Come on down, I will share a birthday with you.

Only problem I see is there are three places where the Chocolate Zodiac says people should avoid me. The few others I did only had one they warned to stay away. I guess being dark chocolate I need to be avoided. :(

Lime don't pay attention to your Chocolate Zodiac sign. I know you are anything but common and hey I love your mind so don't give the lack of refinement thingy a second thought.

Love the chocolate zodiac. I think you may have something here.

lime said...

bunny, madame lime needs more information in order to work up a personalized chart. if you are a chip born when kisses were rising you'll be ok. if it was when reese's cups were in the second house of mars bars you're doomed.

furiousball, well, now you know. best of luck.

theresa, the future looks sweet for you

sheri, LOL that's the danger of such a match. good thing cake is such an accepting sign.

s, madame lime cannot tinker with the mystical chocolate zodiac. it is a force of it's own.

lecram, i think you should do the follow up post of the pick-up lines

barman, you need not worry about those who are to avoid you. you'll be well matched with those who heed the horoscope.

James Goodman-Horror Writer said...

lol, those were outstanding. :D I'm hot cocoa, btw. :D

Seamus said...

I always knew I was an M&M...'cept with a better waist! LOL!

Suldog said...

I'm a milk chocolate candy bar, married to a ganache.

Very good! Very Original!

Kathryn said...

That is fabulous! I love it! I was Nibs. It did kind of fit.

EmBee said...

Clever... Verrrry Clever Lime!

Moosekahl said...

Chocolate with a Peanut Butter Meltaway Center...yuuuummm. And a pretty good description.

Anonymous said...

I melt in your mouth...not in your hands...

lime said...

james, aaahhh, my warm soothing bloggy pal... hehehe

seamus, a waaaay better waist! but which color are you?

suldog, sounds like a sweet mix

kathryn, well i have a taste that appreciates nibs, hehehe

embee, thanks!

moose, you and me, girl!

lime said...

coopernicus, mmmmmm, yum

SignGurl said...

I'm with Susie! I hate white chocolate and that's what I am (barely on the 18th). I'm on the cusp so I'm choosing to be hot cocoa.

VE said...

What do you mean I'm delicate? I resent that. I'm gonna....ouch...stubbed my toe...

M said...

Love this! absolutely love this. you should put it on your sidebar as a "best of lime" or something. It would be a shame to have this post lost in the archives.

Well,actually, you have many interesting posts that deserve special mention but this one is cool in that internet kind of way....kind of for the same reasons we all keep going back to blogthings and taking those does that make sense?

seventh sister said...

ganache living with could be lumpy but it is smooth as silk.
this post is sooo much fun.


jillie said...

Pfffftt!!!! I should have read this BEFORE I went to the store. I have NO chocolate in the house...AAAHHHHHH!!!!

lime said...

signgurl, you're behaving like a classic white chocolate by masquerading. ;)

ve, watch out for coffee tables today. they are out to get you

m, thanks. glad it gave you a great giggle

seventh, in hot situations ganache and chips can blend without too much difficulty

jillie, oh! now that's tragic!

airplanejayne said... know I'm gonna steal this...

I am an M&M. According to this, I really only go with chocolate chips.

Puh-leaze. M&M's and chocolate ice cream. M&M's and chocolate cake. M&M's and MORE M&M's.

I'm the freaking bomb, man....

tsduff said...

Another genius post Michelle. I used to adore white chocolate - bought it in giant chunks to scrape slowly with my teeth and feel it melt in my mouth. Nowadays I've gravitated over to the dark side - deep dark chocolate is my friend. Milk chocholate is gross - never touch the stuff.

Amorous Rocker said...

That is so cute! I'm chocolate cake and it's *almost* completely accurate too. ;)

KFarmer said...

So I'm a ganache married to a chocolate chip... :) Loved this!