Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Weird Wednesday-Overheard at House of Lime

Mr Lime: Termites are responsible for the greatest amount of farts on earth.

Lime: So they contribute more to greenhouse gases than cows?

Mr. Lime: Bug farts have to be pretty small. I think it was the greatest number of farts not the greatest volume.

Lime: Insects outnumber vertebrates so it's possible the volume of termite flatulence exceeds that of bovine emissions and therefore would be a bigger problem.

Mr. Lime: But you're assuming bug farts are methane.

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I have one daughter with curly hair and one daughter with straight hair. When they were younger they each wanted what the other had. Recently they seem to have come to a place of acceptance with what nature has given them. Now I think they are just messing with my already tenuous grasp on sanity. The one with curly hair wants a curling iron and the one with straight hair wants a straightening iron.

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Calypso: (while watching an episode of "The Office") Did you ever notice the similarity between the boss and our pastor?

Lime: How so?

Calypso: They both make jokes they think are hilarious but everyone else finds them painfully awkward and completely offensive.

Lime: (stifling giggles)

Calypso: Mom, you KNOW it's true.

Lime: (nodding and snorting)

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I won't be around today since I will be spending 4 hours (2 hours each way) on a school bus.......full of 12 year olds........with a teacher who hates 12 year olds........headed to and from an amusement park........with a weather forecast of rain. I think I shall lead the children in singing "1000 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" during the bus ride. No, that was not a typo. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

28 comments:

James Goodman, Author said...

yahtzee!!!!

James Goodman, Author said...

lol, those are some great conversations. :D I'm still smiling.

Have a great time on the trip! :D

G-Man said...

Goodwin!!!
Are you an insomniac?

Limey...
Sit by the window...

xoxtrinixox

G-Man said...

...I know, Goodman, Whatever!

EmBee said...

Oh those school bus rides... I believe that's how I lost my spleen years ago... On a 3rd grade field trip somewhere between Wilmington, De. and the Herr's Potato Chip Factory.

airplanejayne said...

bug farts.
I think I will share that in class today.

Oh! I wish I would have known you were field tripping -- I have so many evil --err, I mean fun games to play on a bus!

Charles in HK said...

Good luck to you... don't sing all the beer at once.

ciara said...

that's some funny stuff y'all talk about there...wish our conversations were half as funny. with my daughters there might be a chance, but with stinky (my husband), i doubt it. he has no sense of humor lol

better you than me at an amusement park w a bunch of tweens who would probably get on my 'last nerve' :)

javajazz said...

ha! a teacher who hates 12 year olds
trapped in a bus full of 'em!

(ps...Galen, you're silly!)

Goodwin...whatever!
goodwingoodmanauthorhorrorwriterbookreviewwriter

Beach Bum said...

My daughter, who is Chinese, wants curly hair and its almost sad to see her reaction on how fast the curls fall out after my wife takes the curlers out. I hope she soon grows out of the desire for curly hair.

Maybe some of the 12 year old will have MP3 and Ipod players. Once my son, who is the same age, puts his on he doesn't say a word for hours.

Polt said...

Get the kids talking about bug farts, that oughtta keep em busy on the bus!

HUGS...

lecram said...

WOOT! Field trip!

I have finally learned to steer clear of being a chaperon on those things. lol!

Phain said...

it's not the termites and cows you have to worry about - its the moose farts over in norway:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,294032,00.html

and i feel your pain on the whole field trip thing. my 3rd grader's trip was yesterday - same 4-hour round trip only since we had charter busses (150+ kids) the chaperones had to drive separate. THAT was the only thing that saved my sanity.

coopernicus said...

Hershey Park??? Dorney Park??? I've got a great story about Dorney...

Suldog said...

I already have a soulmate, so don't take this the wrong way, but if you weren't already married, I'd ask you.

BTExpress said...

Many bugs do indeed fart and yes, methane gas. My source surveyed a wide variety of arthropods and only found methane emissions in Diplopoda (millipedes), Blattaria (cockroaches), Isoptera (termites), and Cetonidae (flower beetles). I hope this clears this up.

mssolitaire said...

LOL... bug farts, an awkward pastor ( I watched my forst episode of the office ever), and curling/Straightening irons.... wow... good times!

I want a recording of 100 bottles of beer on the wall! ;)

Hahahahaha!

mssolitaire said...

LOL... bug farts, an awkward pastor ( I watched my forst episode of the office ever), and curling/Straightening irons.... wow... good times!

I want a recording of 100 bottles of beer on the wall! ;)

Hahahahaha!

citizen of the world said...

I love that kids call 'em like they see 'em. SO often I find myself laughing helplessly at some stinging observation on eof my sons has made.

Breazy said...

sounds like conversation around my house.

I hope your day on the bus and at the amusement park went well.

Craver Vii said...

Termite farts. Who knew?!

pearlsandchocolate.com said...

Good luck on the field trip! Great blog!

Kathryn said...

Yes, do it!!! I dare you!


Bug farts, huh?

SignGurl said...

I hadn't thought about bug flatulence. I would assume that because they are always eating, they would need to "relieve" themselves often.

Hope your trip was uneventful.

Rob said...

That's it -- I'm sprinkling "Beano" all around my deck for the termites to consume along with the wood!

Implementing the Kyoto protocol, one bug fart at a time...

Al Gore would be SO proud of me!

Fred said...

Sounds like s few conversations around here.

I hope you made it back safely!

Palm Springs Savant said...

hee hee Lime, that is funny. Well maybe move them over to a non-gassy diet... :-)

Moosekahl said...

I was laughing until that last one. Sounds like torture! We use to have a bus driver who would play us Polka music if we got too rowdy.