The Maryland Report

I had a lovely few days at my dad's new place in Maryland.  Here are some odds and ends from my time there.


I rather like the ritual of my dad handing me a glass of Veuve Clicquot upon arrival.  My step-uncle seems to have added the ritual of handing me a mimosa when I walk into his house.

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As always, siting on the beach allows for some fun people watching.  This time there was a group of boys who seemed to be around 10-12 years old.  They were chasing each other in the water and having fun until someone became unhappy and shouted, "Stopping being such a buttcheekface head!"

Buttcheekface Head.  That's my new favorite prepubescent insult.  Jeff and Barry approve.

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Observing someone else's minor drama and having no responsibility to fix it can lend some perspective to the more immediate drama in my own life.  It's helping me stick to my new mantra of "It's not my problem to fix."

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"Watching Gettysburg, eating bad store bought fried chicken and now using the Force to will my wife back home a day early. So far ...nothing."

Mr. Lime overestimates the power of the above pathetic sounding Facebook status to entice me home a day early. 

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Although I was in no hurry to go home it was nice for the Universe to arrange my dad and step-mom to have an argument about a leaky fridge and the skies to open up in a torrential storm to make me more at peace about departure.

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In the last couple of weeks Isaac has taken initiative to search out dessert recipes he can make by himself.  Twice he has baked cookies from scratch.  They came out well.  He even improvised successfully on one when we were missing an ingredient.  When I came home this weekend some of this was sitting on the counter.  I could get used to that sort of ritual too!

Weird Wednesday-Overheard at House of Lime

Mr Lime: Termites are responsible for the greatest amount of farts on earth.

Lime: So they contribute more to greenhouse gases than cows?

Mr. Lime: Bug farts have to be pretty small. I think it was the greatest number of farts not the greatest volume.

Lime: Insects outnumber vertebrates so it's possible the volume of termite flatulence exceeds that of bovine emissions and therefore would be a bigger problem.

Mr. Lime: But you're assuming bug farts are methane.

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I have one daughter with curly hair and one daughter with straight hair. When they were younger they each wanted what the other had. Recently they seem to have come to a place of acceptance with what nature has given them. Now I think they are just messing with my already tenuous grasp on sanity. The one with curly hair wants a curling iron and the one with straight hair wants a straightening iron.

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Calypso: (while watching an episode of "The Office") Did you ever notice the similarity between the boss and our pastor?

Lime: How so?

Calypso: They both make jokes they think are hilarious but everyone else finds them painfully awkward and completely offensive.

Lime: (stifling giggles)

Calypso: Mom, you KNOW it's true.

Lime: (nodding and snorting)

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I won't be around today since I will be spending 4 hours (2 hours each way) on a school bus.......full of 12 year olds........with a teacher who hates 12 year olds........headed to and from an amusement park........with a weather forecast of rain. I think I shall lead the children in singing "1000 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" during the bus ride. No, that was not a typo. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!