Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Welcome to the Madhouse

Diana's blood cocoa levels had dropped precipitously so she felt the need to rectify the situation immediately. She decided to make brownies at the exact time I was preparing to make dinner. I suggested she make herself useful in the kitchen by expediting dinner's preparation. She insisted on dessert prep. She came to me with some new brownie recipe I had never seen. By now I was feeling weak from the lack of chocolate myself so I told her to get my recipe for saucepan brownies instead because it's easier and a guaranteed winner.

She got the recipe and started to gather ingredients and many bowls. I reminded her the title of the recipe was SAUCEPAN brownies, ergo no need for bowls, only a saucepan. She began to rant about the stupidity of making brownies in a saucepan as she reached for my 12 inch skillet.

"No dear, you need a saaaaauuuucepaaaaaan." I reminded her as I made gestures indicating size and shape of said implement.
"I don't even know what a saucepan is!" she retorted.
"You might if you ever helped make something useful like dinner." I countered.

I described a saucepan and directed her to the correct cupboard as she first waved a smaller frying pan, then a stock pot. Finally, as I continued coaching her in the identification and selection of an actual saucepan, she grabbed the right one and began banging it on the edge of the kitchen table as she shouted, "This is what you sound like right now....bang bang bang..... and I can't take it anymore.....crash crash crash...... I don't even want to make brownies at all anymore because you are making me crazy....bang crash bang...I just wanted to make brownies not have a lesson on the name of every stupid pot in the kitchen!...clang clang clang"

Now dear reader, it is important to note she was not banging the pot in complete anger. She just hates to be instructed and can't stand being wrong. The absurdity of the conversation and her reaction was actually making me laugh too. So it was at this point when I grabbed a small enamel pot and its lid and began clanging them together in time with her own saucepan banging. Over her own high decibel protests I added my own loud declaration of her ridiculous reaction to simple directives, "No one is being louder than you are....bang bang bang....Do you realize how ridiculous this is.....crash crash crash....this is how you sound all because you hate to be wrong...bang crash bang...See now I can be loud like you!...clang clang clang"

Amidst the insanity of the shouting and the clanging banging of pots and pans interspersed with a few giggles a figure appeared in the kitchen doorway. It was Isaac clad only in his jock strap and baseball socks. He stood akimbo and demanded, "What is going on in here?!" The kitchen fell silent just before he turned to depart and mooned us. After a moment of reflection Diana and I dissolved into a fit of giggles.

35 comments:

SignGurl said...

Yahtzee!

SignGurl said...

I can completely relate to this story. I admire your hutzpa for helping your child visualize the error of her ways. I especially like that it ended in fits of giggles.

Seamus said...

LOL! Pot wars ;)

Seems to me that mooning the kitchen is not a very safe bet if one is hungry!

G-Man said...

I love that word in a crossword puzzle...akimbo!
Maybe you guys should be the lead in act for a performance of "Stomp"!
Call yourself...Kitchen Clamor...
xox

KFarmer said...

OMG!! That was too funny :) LOL! Thanks for the morning laugh. That Isaac... what a character :)

Craver Vii said...

It was a while before I learned what a saucepan is, too. And I can identify with how she hates to be wrong. Kinda like when I got served big time yesterday by monkeys. How could it have been zero... seriously! Ah, but we're not talking about that now, are we?

Akimbo. Fun word.

EmBee said...

Leave it to a man to provide comic relief with his bare butt!

Phain said...

I thought "blood cocoa levels..." nearly brought tears to my eyes (I'm going to steal that phrase forever and claim it as my own, btdubs) - but the visual of Isaac in a jock strap made me LITERALLY snort coffee through my nose from laughing.

Bsoholic said...

All this talk of pots and brownies, has me thinking... jk. ;)

furiousBall said...

That Isaac is a wild man.

Sheri said...

LOL! Welcome to my world! Your house sounds like alot of fun to be in. Mooning in the kitchen, making lots of noise and brownines..... is this a typical day for you?

M said...

that is hilarious! so glad that Isaac is there willing to come running at a moment's notice no matter what he is wearing.

Breazy said...

This post made me feel as if I were reading a story of my family!

I can say one thing..there is never a dull moment in our home, as it sounds like there is never one in your home as well. Some days I sit and wonder just what I will do when the kids are grown and have moved out. I have to admit honestly that when the kids are gone to friends or where ever I can only take the complete silence for an hour or so then I have to find something to make some noise with. Normally a cd player and some of my favorite tunes.

Isn't it funny how the boys are never modest but the girls act like you never changed their diapers? One of my girls will get in the shower and forget to grab a new cake of soap so they yell for me to bring it. I then have to unlock the door, grab the soap and hand it to them with my head turned or my eyes closed while they pull the shower curtain back just showing their face to grab the soap.

Hope you have a great day Lime and thanks for sharing this hilarious story!

Logophile said...

OK, too funny
First of all though, dang it, you are going to make me admit Mr. Logo has a good point when he insists our kids need to know how to cook and get around the kitchen. Both my kids can identify the difference between a dutch over, frying pans, and what we usually call pots. Thing One seems to enjoy cooking a great deal more than I do. He is also the one that would run around in his jock, I'm just hoping he doesn't do it at the same time/

Mona said...

:D That sounded really funny!

Children! ( shakes head) :D :D

coopernicus said...

All those TV chefs that extol the virtues of family togetherness in the kitchen...too bad they never visit your kitchen...would make much better viewing

barman said...

First I am glad you bangged right back at her. Second I am glad it turned out the way it did. And third... thank goodness you guys did not start banging those pots a little sooner. Who knows what Isaac may have had on then.

A full moon ... hehehe... never a dull moment.

ciara said...

lmao...thx for that. i needed to laugh. :)

tsduff said...

Ha ha ha ha! See what I mean about your kid stories? I'm laughing right out loud reading that. It reminds me of the commercial where the kid spills orange juice on the floor, and the Mom says "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Then she grabs the sink sprayer and starts spraying him - they all laugh together. You are such a quick thinker!

mssolitaire said...

LMAO!!!! Now this is probably the funniest story I have heard yet! Awesome!!! Thank you for writing in such detail as to give us the image of the craziness that's histerical! :)

lecram said...

Ah, home is where the clang, clang clang is. :)

Suldog said...

I heard "brownies" and zoned out. I think there was something about saucepans and jock straps... but, BROWNIES!!!

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Thanks for the laugh. I think your daughter and mine were cut from the same cloth. Teenagers!

S said...

Oh man! Sometimes teenage girls can be so scary. (this also includes preteen girls)

But Im so glad it ended in laughter. There is still hope.

Kathryn said...

Whew! Mood lightened. Well done!

Cheesy said...

So all I want to know is WHERE is MY brownie hummmm?? Lol cute story~~

John-Michael said...

Fantastic happening that will, no doubt, be returned to in many family get-togethers well into the future. Wonderful how you integrated your own percussive performance with hers whilst delivering the needed message. Too cool!

Love ya!

Fred said...

Oh, my, I never expected that ending. Kids - gotta love 'em.

Moosekahl said...

I don't know if a grown woman and her daughter banging pots at each other or the man boy of the house in his jock is making me laugh...either way, they are bringing stomach aches and tears :) I would LOVE to be a mouse in your house.

The Zombieslayer said...

Saucepan brownies? I'd have to try them before believing in them. I think I'd join her in banging pans.

You have a weird family. ;)

snowelf said...

Oh that is just the best!!! I love your stories Lime--they always make me laugh. Thank you so much for sharing them! :) It reminds me of the time Snickers was throwing a fit outside in front of God and everybody and I just yelled out the window "What kind of fit is that? You have to kick your arms and legs much more for true emphasis!!"

Have a great night. :)

--snow

airplanejayne said...

Percussion competition with an interpretive mooning exhibition.

I love your kitchen....

:)

NYD said...

I really like this place.

Good meme ((Monday)

Monkey business (Tuesday)

How did the brownies comeout?
Can I have the recipie.

Sudiegirl said...

Me too...I wanna try making saucepan brownies.

misticblu said...

I have been a fan for a over a year when i tripped across you accidently. I come back now and again to check on you as we seem so much alike.
I chose now to finally sign up and comment because this post is TERRIFIC. I have an 18 yo leaving for college in august and we have had many exchanges like this.
Frustrating but fun.