Monday, July 14, 2008

6 Word Memoirs- For When 55 Words Are 49 Too Many

It seems some people *coughSuldogcough* out there would have you believe writing a story in 55 words is just too darned many words. I mean if you don't have the attention span for 55 words of plot building, denouement, and resolution you really must have a bad case of ADHD. So anyway, these people are the type who want you to sum up your entire life in a mere six words even though the title for the post in which they tag you contains at least a dozen words. The post itself contains lengthy discussions about all sorts of things as well as numerous six words phrases.

When they tag you they will do do with a post title using the words "Oral Onanism" and later apologize for including your name an a phrase which suggests sucking one's own phallus. Allow me to assure him I am not offended by the linkage. In fact, if I possessed the required anatomy and enjoyed such a level of flexibility as to allow for that sort of activity I'd likely engage in it. However, I'd not be likely to do so in the middle of the living room during a dinner party like Mr. Lime's childhood pet used to. This leads me to the first potential six word memoir as I demonstrate my ability to match crude image for crude image with my tagger.

Masturbates more discreetly than a dog.

At this point I am compelled to point out to both Suldog and all of you that Onanism is a commonly accepted term for masturbation and that such interpretation of the term arose from a misinterpretation of Biblical text. In Genesis 38 it is recorded that Judah's wicked son Er was killed by God, leaving Er's wife childless. In those days there was a practice called Levirate marriage whereby the brother or closest male relative of a dead man was expected to take the widow and provide for her financially as well as impregnate her in order so the resulting offspring would carry on the name of the dead man and a son would provide for his mother in her old age. During sex with the widow Tamar, Onan engaged in coitus interuptus and was put to death by God for spilling his seed. Many have taken this to mean the waste of semen (which is then generalized to masturbation) is the sin for which Onan was killed. However, even conservative biblical interpreters have generally agreed that Onan's sin was his refusal to properly care for the widow by providing for both her present and future needs although he was happy to appear to have done so and have a roll in the hay with her. Passages in Leviticus 15 explain there is a ritual washing required after ejaculations and a period of uncleanness for both man and woman who touch semen but neither "spilling of seed" nor masturbation are prohibited anywhere in the Scriptures. Any of you still functioning under the former misinterpretation and attendant guilt can now feel relieved when you "relieve" yourselves. Bet you had no idea there'd be an exposition on Genesis when you came here today did you? Which leads to my second six word memoir proving I can expend many words on a topic which may bore several readers (something Suldog apologizes for frequently and needlessly, I might add, because he's really a funny guy).

Still pedantic after all these years.

Eventually Suldog got into the six word groove to such a degree that every phrase he spouted was in six words. Not sure I could keep up. (Oh wait, I just did it!...Hey, there I go once more!...Wow, who knew it was easy?...I never could have imagined...)

The meme has the following rules:

1 – Write the title to your own memoir using exactly six words.

2 – Post it on your blog.

3 – Link to the person who tagged you.

4 – Tag five other bloggers.

Here’s my take on the rules: (Notice I use 6 word phrases.)

Now I'm supposed to tag people.

I don't like to obligate folks.

I also hate following meme rules.

The rules bother me a lot.

Six word memoir has four rules.

Tells me to tag five people.

It's unbalanced and that bothers me.

Some folks say I am unbalanced.

So I will say only this.

You're free to masturbate or meme.


G-Man said...

I'm not very good at MEME'S so...

G-Man said...

...Ahhh, that was great.I need a cigarette.

"Finishing first in a circle jerk"!!!

hehehehe...6 words.

Maddy said...

Yes I believe it was a similar kind of 'deal' with the role of 'best man' at a wedding.

Yes the 6 -4-5 thing would bother me too. Some people! Honestly.


furiousBall said...

masturbation is screwing yourself all alone

S said...

I'll take the first choice.

Suldog said...

I am so glad that I tagged YOU. Your thoughts concerning the unfortunate Mr. Onan, and his subsequent infamy, fairly much match my own, for one thing. Of more current import, you've written a wonderful post. AND, you've invited your readers to do one of two marvelous things.

(I see that the choice, thus far, has been unanimous. Or is it Onanimous? In any case, it's what I would have chosen to, given the choice, but I was tagged, so had to do the more onerous [less onanous] task.)

Anonymous said...

Pedantic expositions leave inquisitors wanting more...

Suldog said...

And, of course, now I've come up with the perfect six-word memoir title for myself, a day late and a dollar short...


VE said...

Can't I do both of them?

(hey, that's six words!)

AndyT13 said...

Sex with the person you love.

I just love you to bits.

Anonymous said...

All the world is a stage....

heh.... the other option isn't an option while I'm at work so there ya go! :)

Queenie said...

Another reason I'm not posting yet!!!!

Just checking you and yours are OK. Hope to back soon, take care my friend (glad to see your posts are as dynamic as ever).

M said...

i'll be honest, i zoned out as soon as i saw the biblical reference. having been raised in a religious family and having attended religious schools, i feel like i have gotten quite enuf of the bible. altho, maybe i didn't get enuf! i don't remember hearing the story of Onan. this must be a story that they didn't teach in Catholic schools.
i do remember that masturbation is a sin. and somedays i believe MEMEs are a sin too.

SignGurl said...

I feel all edumacated now! Thank you for sharing this story of Onon. I had never heard this one.

"Perfecting one's self as I go" <---this is a new one because I can't remember the last one.

Logophile said...

I'll take some masturbation, please!Can I have a little more later, for dessert.
pedantic much?
Why, yes, I will have some of that too

TLP said...

Personally, I always choose to masturbate.

Beach Bum said...

I'll try and do something with the latter but I have to wait on the former. My son is watching TV.

Kathryn said...

I don't like passing on memes or awards either. And I don't like the unbalanced nature of the numbers either.
But I DO like your 6 words.
And thanks for the Bible lesson. :)

Semi-Gloss Lacquer said...

...what the heck is a meme?

and that onan, (such a barbarian...)

Casdok said...

You have such a way with words!!

EmBee said...

Well there you go... You learn something new every day!

James Goodman, Author said...

lol, excellent response to the meme. :D

Mona said...

:D :D

I am laughing my ass off!

Ouch! is that six words?

I think six is too many. Can't we use lesser number of words?

Love you.

See? just a two words meme..

Or even lesser...


One word expression!

I rock! ( two words)

I believe in experimentation . ( Four words)

Lime, This is such a lovely post!

You ROCK! ( two words)

ciara said...

nothing wrong w a little self love...a lot easier than a meme lol

Bunny said...

The lack of symmetry is disturbing, isn't it?