Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Tough Times Call for Tough Measures

The tough economy has reached all the way to the North Pole and even Santa is feeling the pinch. He has been forced to downsize by laying off many of the elves. Then when production was outsourced he got a bunch of incompetent elves filling requests.

It will work like this. Your wish in the comments. The next commenter will play Santa and grant your request but mess it up somehow before leaving his own request.

Example:

Lime said...
I'd like to go back to the Hershey Spa.

G-man said...
Granted, but your spa technicians will not be using body wraps with chocolate. They'll be trying their new sauerkraut mixture.
I want a new Harley.

Susie said...
Granted but it's painted pink, has a wicker basket on the front and can't go over 10 miles an hour.
I want to go to India now.


Got it?

39 comments:

lime said...

I want a massage.

G-Man said...

Granted...
But the Masseuer is a very Loud Mouthed New Yorker who's cell phone rings every 5 seconds, and he don't have a Blue Tooth!
I'd like a Week-End Golf Junket....

lime said...

granted but it's to all the crappy miniature golf places in the lower peninsula and your golf buddies are a class of kindergarteners who either chase each other with the clubs or cry that they aren't having fun.

i want someone to come clean my house for me.

misticblu said...

Granted, but it will be your husband who will bug you every 2 minutes as to where something goes. He will pretend to not know how the new swiffer thingy works and sigh loudly every time he is near you.

I want to go to the beach.

Cocotte said...

Granted, but you'll be sharing that private beach with Brad and Angelina and all their brats will be tripping over you and dripping their organic popsicles on you while the paparazzi chase them, flashing lights in your face.

I'd like a sportscar for Christmas.

Jim said...

Granted, but it's a used Fiero, with bald tires, 300k miles on it, and smells like BO.

I'd like to travel over the holidays . . .

XO

Ella said...

granteg, but your luggage is lost and you're left stranded in denver because of the blizzard, and your ipgone was in your luggage so you can't even get online.

i'd like a new macro lens for my camera.

Ella said...

*granted
*iphone

(i'm typing one handed)

Cheesy said...

Granted~ but due to your typing errors you get a lens made of macaroni !

I wish for a new wine bottle opener.....

barman said...

Granted but when ever you open any bottle of wine you discover they have already turned.

I wish for an Electric Lime crayon for Lime of course (had to bring it up again).

furiousBall said...

Granted, I don't speak a lick of French.
I want to make love to Audrey Tautao.

James Goodman said...

Granted, but it was without her permission and now you're going to prison.

I want to be a superhero.

Kat said...

Granted. But your superpower is pulling candy canes out of your bum, and they don't taste like peppermint.

I want to go to Hawaii.

lime said...

granted, but it will be to the small and little known town of hawaii, north dakota....in january.

i want new carpet in my living room.

Desmond Jones said...

Aww, man, Lime - you scooped me! And I had such a good 'Hawaii' retort. . .

Anyway, as re the carpet -

Granted, of course, but it's a smoke-inundated bright-orange 70s-vintage 5-inch shag, previously owned by a woman who owned 17 cats.

Now, may I have a backstage pass to see Paul McCartney?

Craver Vii said...

Granted, but it's at a new "coming out" tour, where he sings all Abba songs and someone takes your picture with him.

I wish I had a cool new camera... the kind that has all the zeros on the price tag.

S said...

Granted, but it has tweety birds face on it and you have to be exactly three feet from the subject, not breathing all the while.
The pics will be printed out on old lunchbags....


I want to go to India NOW......

Cooper said...

Granted...start swimming.

I want 8 ladies dancing...

Mona said...

Granted, but they will be doing a tribal dance screeching like banshees around a cauldron with a fire lit beneath it & you boiling as their sacred meal in the center

I want a date with Johnny Depp...

Mona said...

Interruption (COMMERCIAL BREAK): Lime & co. Its Galen's birthday today ( its already 10th in India ;))

lecram said...

Granted but reports have it that he hasn't shed his Sweeney Todd persona yet.

I want to lay on a tropical island in a hammock.

Polt said...

Granted. But you guys will have to share the date, and perhaps a fig as well, and as it doesn't take long to eat either of those, the whole thing will be over in two minutes. While he talks on his iphone to Ella the whole time.

I want a ticket to the Super Bowl...

(cooper, "granted...start swimming" was hiLARious!)

HUGS...

Polt said...

Oh hell, lecram beat me to it...okay I'll take his then...

Granted...but hammock's over a large fire the natives have made, and you're not so much laying on it as you are roasted in it. And being marinated as well.

I want a ticket to the Super Bowl...

Dave Carrol said...

enjoying the blog... first time here
Dave

Suldog said...

Granted... but it's being played in an outdoors arena, between your two least-favorite teams. It's -12 degrees, snowing, and hot dogs cost $25.

I want to be a rock star!

Lulda Casadaga said...

Granted -- But while you are singing your heart out you lose your voice...some groupies rush the stage and as you are fleeing you trip and bust a knee...one of them grabs your hair and the wig goes flying off...do I need to go on? :D

I wish for a piano!

Beach Bum said...

Granted but its a toy piano for a five year old and its out of tune.

I want a sailboat.

NYD said...

Granted, but it comes in a bottle, a dusty bottle at that and now you have to build a fireplace so you can have a mantle to put it on. Merry Xmas.

I want a new computer, for realsies!

~Tim said...

Granted... here's your abacus! Compute away.

I want world peace.

Mona said...

granted, but we will have to wipe out the whole humanity dirt before that happens & then the evolution will have to start from the alge again

I want popcorn

coopernicus said...

granted - but the only stuff available is movie theater popcorn covered in butter/grease and the skins keep getting stuck between your teeth.

i want to see angelina jolie tongue kiss teri hatcher...or is that not in the xmas spirit???

Leon Basin said...

Yea, economy isn't doing to well.

lime said...

coopernicus, granted. but it won't happen until they are both in their 80s and they've both lost their teeth.

misticblu said...

Hilarious! I adapted this game for the living room last night when friends started "I want , I want". It took our minds off the sad economy as we ridiculed each others wildest dreams.
:)

Cosima said...

Lime, I hope your wishes will come true. I would like to fly.

(M)ary said...

I love this game!!

I wish this comment thread would never end and we play this game forever.

lime said...

mixticblu, glad it could provide some fun for you at home too.

cosima, granted but you can only fly backwards.

mary, granted, but the wishes will get weirder and weirder.

i wish it would stop raining.

ArtSparker said...

The genie grants your wish by removing you to the Gobi Desert with only a jug of laced eggnog, The unabridged Pilgrim's Progress and an exercycle.

I wish the general populace would come to their senses and realize that artists totally rule. I want my own church...is that so much too ask for?

Anonymous said...

artspeaker,
wish granted. artists totally rule but they soon divide up based on their medium of choice. oil vs acrylic with the collage makers stuck in the middle. suddenly, being a banker or a businessman is the cool, counter culture.