Monday, April 06, 2009

You Shouldn't Have...Really

As a child I would visit my father who was the caretaker of his brother's scenic farm. I've already told you about the cemetery on the hill I enjoyed sitting in. There are other memories as well. My uncle rented the pastures to the dairy farmer whose property adjoined ours. My father raised chickens and pigs. My grandfather had an enormous vegetable patch. Even though I was only a weekly visitor to the farm I had chores there. It was my job to feed and water the pigs and chickens as well as gather the eggs. The pigs I was quite fond of. They were cute and friendly. I'd spend time talking to them and watching them. I was always a bit distressed when it came time to take them to the slaughter house.

The chickens were another matter entirely. As chicks they were adorable but they'd grow up quickly. Then they were dirty, smelly, and stupid. Every time I'd go in to feed and water them they'd peck at me like I was the food. I kind of figured any creature dumb enough to attack me when I was providing for its needs sort of deserved to end up on my plate. When it was time for my grandfather to fetch the hatchet I felt not the least bit of sadness for those birds. I didn't necessarily want to watch the carnage but I was not disturbed by the thought of it. My tears were reserved for the pigs. And yes, I believe I cried over a plate of bacon once.

Going back to the cemetery memories, you may recall me saying how as Halloween approached my visits grew less frequent because I was afraid of its inhabitants rising from the graves to snatch me away. Apparently, it was not the deceased humans I should have been worrying about. As evidenced by the award Cooper has bestowed upon me, the Zombie Chicken Award, it was the poultry I should have feared.

“The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…”

First of all, I had no idea there was any threat from Zombie Chickens. I want to know at what level of threat the Homeland Security Department would classify this. How dire a situation is this? Is deep frying an effective counter-measure?

Secondly, I am not sure if I should be worried that the content of my blog might be considered of such quality that it would distract anyone from their patriotic duty to combat this plague. Well, I've been told I am just a wee smidge subversive but really, I am a bit worried that my drivel could contribute to an ineffective response to the zombie chicken plague. Seriously, I am in a panic about this! I don't know what to do! I am running around like.....uh, um, er...a chicken with its head cut off.

Nextly, I think the dangling eyeball in the picture is a really nice touch. I find the artistry is all in the details like this. It punctuates the ghastly green tone perfectly.

Now, lest I tempt the zombie chickens I've got to pass this thing on to at least 5 people.

Zombieslayer is a no brainer. Wait, that came out wrong. He has a brain...quite a good one in fact...which would be why I am giving him this award. I mean he is devoted to getting us through the zombie plague that is coming so it just seems natural he should get this....or unnatural, since zombies are kind of unnatural and he wants us to defeat them but this award is for distracting us from the plague. Well, I dunno, now I am all confused. He's getting it anyway.

Suldog gets it too because some of the stuff he has posted makes me think the zombie chickens already got him. Oh yeah, he mercilessly shreds any award bestowed upon him. This one though, I think there is a chance he might actually like it. I just want to see what he does. But really, if anyone could make us laugh through the attack of the zombie chickens it will be him.

Mona has already survived the vampiric zombie prairie dogs, if you recall my grand movie meme post, so I think she'll do just fine once the chickens attack.

Fadkog is a recent discovery of mine. She seems at least as warped as I am. Gees, I hope she knows that's a compliment. Really...it is, I swear...well, on the blog I don't swear too much because I don't want to offend. But when those zombie chickens attack all bets are off. If ever harsh language is called for I think a zombie plague is it. But I digress, Fadkog is someone I'd stomp a few undead chickens to read.

VE is the final recipient. I am sure he'd find a way to blog ABOUT the zombie chickens and make it entertaining. He'd come up with a poll or some bizarre picture or a Weekly World News type report on them. Bat Boy Joins Forces with Zombie Chickens or some such sounds like the type of headline he'd generate.

Ok, now that my civil duty of proliferating this insanity is complete my next big question is deciding if the zombie chickens go better with Tex-Mex barbecue sauce or Jamaican jerk rub.

23 comments:

NYD said...

I don't know about braving zombie chickens, but I would fight my way through a hoard of sushi chefs armed with ginsu knives just to read your posts.

KFarmer said...

Cograts on the award!

Down here I would probably just have fried~ but I do like bar-b-q too :)

Shadow said...

congratulations! cool award!

Suldog said...

Oh, Gawd, I thought I was your friend! Now you've tasked me with obliterating you. I'm terribly sorry, but I must do my duty. Sometime next week, so get your affairs in order by that time.

Desmond Jones said...

Jamaican jerk rub. . . Oh, my. . .

Desmond Jones said...

And I would definitely, without reservation, brave a flock of zombie chickens to see you, my friend. . .

S said...

That is a hilarious chicken drawing and what a way to wake up on Monday morning.

My mom grew up on a pig farm too. I only visited there once, and I stayed two weeks and adopted myself a couple of baby bacons.
Thankfully they werent old enough to eat before I left!

Happy Monday, Lime

Hilary said...

Well-deserved by that criteria and beautifully distributed. I've never seen a zombie chicken gauntlet before, but I do belive you just slapped Suldog with one. ;)

mssolitaire said...

Hahahahahaha!!! Zombie chickens!!!

I too would shed a tear for the lost pigs :(

Cheesy said...

I sit here and wonder????


What side dish would go well with Zombie Chicken?

lecram said...

Piggies are cute... but I just can't pass up a side of bacon... or any pork products for that matter. Of course, this begs the question if I would eat my own young. Thank goodness, we'll never know.

Congrats on the award... and yesa, the first thing I spotted in the post was the eye.

Fred said...

There's somebody as warped as you? Really? :)

As usual, I get a kick out of your labels.

for a different kind of girl said...

I imagine zombie chickens are quite adorable. I'm just NOW imagining it, because until just now, I never even considered zombie chickens! Zombie cows I would not be cool with, though, due to a near-stampede experience while visiting my aunt and uncle's farm when I was a child.

Thank you for bestoying the undead upon me! It should be noted that I am a huge zombie fan. Except for those cows.

Craver Vii said...

I'm curious about the tear-stained bacon memory. Did you fast while weeping, or did you somehow manage to eat your bacon?

Gledwood said...

I find swines really cute, too. One thing I've noticed: British pigs are usually pink, in league with our (usually) weak sun. Tropical pigs are brown and black. I remember these little pigs in India owned apparently by the woman next door. The little buggers were really quick and always pinging about underfoot. Their complexions were the same as the local people's...

Moannie said...

They would start off as Tacos de Pollo and end up in a rich, dark, spicy Mole sauce, all washed down with a cold Mexican Beer.

whaong said...

Living in a farm is wonderful.

Jocelyn said...

I like how you took this post from family memories to handing out awards to, ultimately, letting us all acknowledge together that you're warped.

I'm ready for my after-dinner mint now, Madame.

Jazz said...

I kind of figured any creature dumb enough to attack me when I was providing for its needs sort of deserved to end up on my plate.

That sentence alone deserves the award! It's brilliant!

And I can't wait to see Suldog's reaction. He can't not like this one - this is the coolest award ever.

SignGurl said...

It's bizarre to me how much our childhoods mirrored each other. I also love slopping the hogs and hated dealing with the chickens. Grams gave me a stick to fend off the rooster that would attack every time you opened the door. How I hated collecting eggs.

Mona said...

Yaaay!

Thank you lime for the honor of bestowing me the Zombie chick en award!

I am Dizzy!

Pouty Lips said...

I am willing to brave desert heat wearing goosedown, desert cold wearing spandex, and desert darkness without my glasses for some refreshing lime aid.

Now I must rush over to Suldog's to see if he's "responded" yet.

Suldog said...

Done.