Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Everybody Gets the Blues

Thanks to each one of you for the words of encouragement. The whole thing really knocked me for a much bigger emotional loop than I ever imagined. There really is a lot for me to be thankful for. That I am walking around intact is the biggest and most obvious thing to be thankful for. My head is clearing slowly. I am trying to take each thing as it comes along and trying to trust that as they are each attended to things will work out. The need for a vehicle is pretty big right now since we had no collision on poor old Beulah and she is totaled...although it does mean mom taxiing is forcibly curtailed right now, which is necessary if I am going to get the rest I need for my head to function. It's a very weird thing to feel like I am 2 steps behind the rest of the world and to be grasping for words sometimes.

I certainly spent the weekend with a very bad case of the blues but I'm working my way upward, thanks in part to the prayers, kind words and understanding of so many of you. When you get the blues you either gotta sing about it or find a way to laugh. I looked for the movie scene from Yellowbeard that I mentioned made me chuckle in the ER but couldn't find it so instead I'll share a little wisdom about the blues. This is not original to me. It came in an old email from a friend.


1. Most blues begin with "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman..." is a bad way to start the blues, unless you stick in something nasty in the next line.
2a. Insert "da da da da DANH" between lines.
I got a good woman- da da da da DANH
with the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it, then find something that rhymes, sort of.
Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and weighs 'bout 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice and opportunity.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is the Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' also plays a major role in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. You can have the blues in New York City but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues: violet, beige, mauve.

9. You can't have the blue in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Cubicles are the exception to this rule. Other bad places include ashrams, gallery openings, and weekends in the Hamptons.

10. Good places for the blues include the highway, the jailhouse, the empty bed.

11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

12. You have the right to sing the blues if your first name is a southern state like Georgia, you're blind, you shot a man in Memphis, you can't be satisfied.

13. You do not have the right to sing the blues if you once were blind but now can see, you're deaf, you have a trust fund.

14. Neither Barbara Streisand nor Julio Iglesias can sing the blues.

15. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Oter blues beverages are wine, whiskey, muddy water.

16. Blues beverages do not include any mixed drink, and wine kosher for Passover, Yoo Hoo, Perrier.

17. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in the ER. It is not a blues death to die during liposuction.

Now check this poor dog with the blues.

Now feel free to write your blues song in the comments. Since I am prone to breaking the rules you ought to know I would relish seeing you do so.


Fred said...

Glad you're starting to feel better, Lime.

After listening to the harmonica player, I was howling, too.

G-Man said...

Oddly enough, I think Periwinkle is part of the blues.

"Oh Yeah Baby....I'm cryin dem Periwinkle Teardrops...Over YOU!!"

Get Well Trini....G

Pouty Lips said...

You asked me for it - so here it is:

(harmonica intro)
"I woke up this morning,
Laid in bed for an hour,
Remembered it's hump day,
Then took a hot shower,
dum dum, dum dum
(harmonica interlude)
Drank a cuppa Joe and checked my email,
Then brushed my mats of graying blonde hairs,
But I couldn't find my cell phone,
Or my car keys anywhere
dum dum, dum dum
dum dum, DUM DUM
So I called the boss man to say that I'm sick
He said no you're not and you're full of shit
Take a cab or a train or a plane
Take a shit and an aspirin but get your ass to work
Or I'm giving your job to the intern named Kirk.
dum dum, dum dum
Screw you boss man I hate your guts
You're stupid and ugly and a miserable putz"

I'm truly sorry about your accident, and I am sending good wishes and hopefully a little humor your way.

Ananda girl said...

Was I gay? Up until today...

Ain't these tears in my eyes telling you... am I blue!

Shadow said...

loved your blues. had to send it on to hubby, who soooo love the blues.

lime said...

pouty makes me think...good blues instruments are the guitar and harmonica. accordians and tubas should not be used for the blues.

74WIXYgrad said...

Since Mick Jagger can't get no satisfaction, does that mean he can sing the blues?

74WIXYgrad said...

I didn't write a blues song but I did write a post asking my readers to come over and offer you some encouragement.

(M)ary said...

I know a good woman,
she got in a wreck
and now its all gone to heck!
She's gonna buy a new car
on a bounced check.

(-: Take care.Wish I was close enough to pop over and give you a hug. Here is a viritual hug. Feel better soon. It will all work out in the end!

Desmond Jones said...

Glad to see you able to sit up and take nourishment, Lime. Get yourself well, y'hear?

And see, not having the Mom-taxi is probably just what the doctor ordered, both for you, and yer fam. Good for 'em to have existential knowledge of just how much they get from you. . .

And listen, is it permissible to sing the blues about a totaled minivan? I mean, it's a minivan, y'know?

If I can think of a decent blues rhyme to the effect of, 'Got me a good woman; we got twenty-nine kids', I'll be back later on. . .


EmBee said...

You know, our dog howls along with the harmonica too... But sure can't carry a tune like this one.

Speaking of blues... I couldn't help but call too mind this scene from 'Adventures in Babysitting'

Glad you're feeling better!

Craver Vii said...

Only you, Lime. Only you can take such a difficult personal scenario and brighten our days in telling the story.

By the way, I'm working on a song with blues maracas... what do you think of that?

NYD said...

There is a good woman.
da da da da DANH
her van's out in back
da da da da DANH
The front is all stove in

A*lign*ment's out*ta whack!

But she's fine~
Plenty of Lime~~~

Head and body are achin
da da da da DANH
Wallet's hurtin too
da da da da DANH
The only thins thas' important

is that she's still here with you!

There's still time~
For plenty of Limin~~~

Take it away Booker J....

empoker (first attempt)


Anonymous said...

I was going to have a go writing you a blues song
But that NYD got it first and now
I done it wrong.
So I'm just gonna say L.I.M.E
Hope your doing just F.i.n.e
Stay in bed-rest that head-until your feeling Strong.

Oh, we doooo, love you.

Guess Brits can't do Blues...

S said...

We gotta get you a black suit and some dark glasses so you can do a Slice of Lime singing the blues!
I know you already have a guitar.

:) Feel better, sweetie.

Anonymous said...

The dog sings better than I do...

Cloudy every mornin'
Sun ain't gonna shine
Cloudy every mornin'
Sun ain't gonna shine

Thanx to a cold front whirling it's way through Canada clashing with a low pressure area making it's way of the east coast...

Craver Vii said...

Brits can't do Blues Moannie? Oh, but they can, they can! Case and point: Eric Clapton. He was in Chi-town recently, being honored by a slew of Blues legends.

Sorry, Lime. I'm still working on that maraca Blues song. All I have so far is:

"Pepe, the chihuahua lost a fight with a Chevy.
He was a cool featherweight, but the car was too heavy."

...The thick Cheech Marin, East LA accent works, but how do I get the maracas to do the da DAH da da?

Anonymous said...

it's good to hear you're doing better!!! HUGS!

snowelf said...

I'll write something in your honor.

Love you Lime--and I hope all this passes soon so we can all look back at this and know yet what another crazy time you survived when life was throwing lemons at you.


Beach Bum said...

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues.

Glad you are feeling better but I have to disagree with you on that one. My son sings the blues constantly about his lack of clean clothes, they are dirty laying all over his room. And my daughter daughter sings the blues about how being six years old and short sucks.

Palm Springs Savant said...

you have a good perspective on it all Lime, glad to see that.

Mona said...

I hope you will start feeling better soon enough , and cheer up too!


Insomnia is blue too!

San said...

For a Lime, you really know the blues.

Jocelyn said...

My blues song this week would start with, "Pulled in to the campground/ Set up the tent/ Laid down on my Thermarest/ and wondered where all the feeling in my arms went/ It was 3 a.m./ And I had yet to catch a wink"

TorAa said...

In spite of all:
You are still very inspiring.
That's a gift I hope you will allways have and bring to others like you do here in this post.

Btw. we seems to be very similar:
Broadcast something positive about our daily life, even though we have hard moments in between.