Thursday, June 25, 2009

Slice of Lime-A Quiet Spot

Yesterday was not a good day around here. The last few days have brought more frustrations and unwelcome news. I'll spare all the details. I'm just not in the mood and I'd probably wind up saying some very nasty things. Among all the other crap, yesterday I found out I didn't get the job. I had a lovely little pity party for myself. There was crying and a refusal to be consoled. I bet you're sorry you missed it. I was asked what the next step is and I said there is none because every time I take one forward lately I get knocked back six steps. I loose less ground by refusing to advance. Really, it was my finest hour. Later my cousin called and listened to me cry the blues. After that she told me to rehydrate and take a walk. Those seemed like manageable steps so I took them.

I'm told some folks are ocean people and some are mountain people. Personally, I rather like the parts of the California coast where ocean and mountains met, best of both worlds and all. But I grew up escaping to the low mountains of the East Coast and I still find comfort in them. A forest cut by running water is about perfect to me. The ocean and the plains have their own magic but they don't comfort me when I feel beaten. They make me feel exposed. The forest lets me slip away quietly among the trees to find a quiet spot where I can hide for a bit.

I went to the woods because trees are good listeners too. They don't judge you. Somehow even the ones that tower over you don't make you feel small in a shameful sort of way. They spread out their branches as if to shield you from too hot sun or too heavy rain. They whisper softly. I didn't go planning anything other than to wander a while and sit but there was solace and wisdom there. I thought it would be better to share that than to continue my whining. I pulled out my camera phone to do so, so excuse the poor picture quality.

The quiet spot. Well, ok, the water just drowns out the nearby highway noises. Good enough for me.

I can think. No interruptions. No demands. Just sit and listen and think. Wallow a little if needed. I told you, trees don't judge.

The old hemlocks suggest it's time to stand. Here's a hand. Get up now. Walk among my friends. It's been a while since we had a visitor. We're glad you came.

But I've fallen and I can't get up.

Holler for help if you have to.

Sometimes you'll grow crooked before you grow straight but you do what you must to get the water and light you need to live.

Your support system might look at bit odd to others but if it keeps you standing that's the important part.

It would be nice to have someone to walk with you on the trail but they won't always be either patient enough or energetic enough to go at your pace. Sometimes you have to walk by yourself.

Eventually, you'll have to make some choices.

You can't sit in one spot forever unless you want a moss covered butt.


Desmond Jones said...

Beautiful post, Lime.

One of the things I like best about my home state, especially Up North where I grew up, is the abundance of woods, with the Great Lakes (which, to stand on the shore of them, are positively ocean-like) readily available. If you ever come visit, we'll show you around. . .

Sorry for all your frustrations. Would a {{{hug}}} help?

And hey, what's a little butt-moss among friends?

Shadow said...

aaaw, sorry about the job. but it probably wasn't the right one anyway. love your thoughts, love your pictures, love your post here!

Jazz said...

Sometimes it takes a pity party. No way around it, it just does.

snowelf said...

This is a fantastic and inspirational post--one I know I will find solice in from time to time. I hope heeding your friend's advice helped soothe your soul a little bit. ((hugs))


Jim said...

My favorite part of all this is that you thought enough of US, while you were very sad, to take the time to shoot all sorts of photos and then put lovely text with them. You are truly a beautiful person, Lime, and I'm glad I know you.

EmBee said...

"You can't sit in one spot forever unless you want a moss covered butt."
-My favorite new quote.

I've always looked at it this way:
Life and the events and emotions which accompany it, can be compared to waves. There are times you ride high on the wave and can easily see the shore. You get that giddy weightless feeling, you know the one? Then there are those times were you sink to the base of the wave. It's frightening to have the water above your head and crashing down upon you. However when you least expect it another wave can come along and lift you up again.

If we didn't have the waves in life, if we just drifted on a flat sea, we'd never know the giddiness of rising to the crest of the waves, nor the beauty of those that help us out of the deep canyons in between.

The most important thing is that we keep swimming.

furiousBall said...

oh i'm so with you lady. when i run, it's through the woods here and my tree buddies root me on.

NYD said...

I like the way you look at things.

Oh, and about the job, Jeeze someone really fucked up. Lime, I don't really know all that much about you and I'd hire you in a goddamned New Yawk minute.
Feel like comin to Japanland???


S said...

Looks like the trees were full of lessons today!

You live in a beautiful place.

You know, you have to look at it that now you have no car, the job was going to be a problem. There will be another job, when you are more ready.

You have awesome trees, I especially love the screaming one.

Craver Vii said...

You know what else helps? Fishing. With dynamite. ;-)

Polt said...

Big HUGS....but I doubt there as good as tree hugs. :)

Nice photos, thanks for sharing.


Ananda girl said...

Crap. I'm sorry, lime. I walk when I am upset too. Sometimes I walk and ball like a baby. You must be terribly disappointed. That sucks.

Logophile said...

then you have Washington state where you can have the woods, the mountains AND the ocean. It's PERFECT!!
Come see :D

I have to say though, your
woods are lovely, dark and deep...

lime said...

desmond, the great lakes are an amazing thing. they took my breath away when i saw them. and i am of the opinion that hugs should punctuate every joy and every sadness so yes, it would help.

shadow, thanks. i am trying to tell myself that but the dead car makes the need for a job rather urgent.

jazz, thanks for the permission

snowelf, thanks. i admire the way you keep moving forward when challenged

jim, it takes one to know one. thank you ever so kindly.

embee, i could needlepoint it on a pillow if you'd like. some days it's treading water, but so long as i don't drown, it's good right? thanks. you rock.

furiousball, peaceful innit?

nyd, bless you. really. that means a lot. how's the pay and got an extra bed?

s, well for this summer since the hub is a teacher it would have worked because it's not too far. he could have dropped me off and picked me up. the screaming tree is one of my faves too.

craver, LOL!!! can i come fishing with you?

polt, human hugs are the best.

ananda, very disappointed, yes.

logo, yes, i'd like to make it there.

Cosima said...

There will be other opportunities. I can feel it. Hugs!

Mona said...

Awww...(hug) I hope you feel better soon...

A walk with nature can be therapeutic.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about the job. That is definitely frustrating for sure! I hope you continue to move forward and look up. Wonderful post about finding steps forward in nature surrounding you. I applaud you for posting about the positive, that's not always easy to do. :)


G-Man said...

Take a hit of this.........

Anonymous said...

aaawww shit Lime, sorry to hear that all the X-ing didn't work for you...!!! ;( hey listen, as much as i like my library job...half the time i feel like taking a rifle along in the morning...que sera sera mi

Cooper said...

why do the screaming tree and the crooked tree look like they belong together?????
(brrrrrrum pum pum)

misticblu said...

I am truly sorry that they did not have the good sense to hire you.
I truly enjoyed seenig the forest through your eyes.
I am just recently getting the whole 'walk alone sometimes' thing.

Maybe if oyu have the energy and time you could tiedye something to make you feel better?


Beach Bum said...

Sorry about the job. The woods are a great place to heal wounds. Take Care.

(M)ary said...

What a wonderful post!!! I will send you good thoughts to help you on your way...

lime said...

cosima, i sure hope so. pickins are pretty slim in these parts.

mona, the woods always help

solitaire, thanks, very frustrating indeed when i need some dough for a car.

gman, lol

guinness, i thank you for the good wishes and xing anyway.

cooper, LMAO. ya know i saw the phallic symbolism in the crooked tree. i needed you to point out the screaming symbolism though. good one

mistic, thanks a bunch. glad you've found the value in the walks too.

beach bum, they are indeed.

mary, i appreciate that a lot

secret agent woman said...

You look so introspective.

I love the metaphor here.

VE said...

Go ahead...say nasty things to me! ;)

lime said...

sa woman, it came as more than a whisper really. i had to share.

ve, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Jocelyn said...

Oh, YES. The trees are the best listeners (and I hooted at the "I've fallen and can't get up" caption). Like you, I am restored in the woods, by water.

Keep going there and let it all wash that bleakness out of your eyes.

KFarmer said...

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for that post. I've not been writing lately because, well, just because. I've not visited anyone lately because I felt so alone. You helped me while no one has been able to.

I'm hoping you are feeling much better and the best of the best comes your way~ XXXOOO

word verification: cycul (of life :)

tsduff said...

Bummer about the job - I share your pain. But your trees, and mountains do lend a soothing touch to your distress. I'm with you about the mountains and the ocean - I can't make up my mind at all - love them both. Hang in there.