Dear Family

To my darling progeny,

It is summer vacation, which means we are spending a bit more time together...that is, when someone is not in another state, or at camp, or off spending the few precious dollars they made babysitting. I am actually glad to be in your presence most of the time. There are a few things getting under my skin though.

You are all big people now and presumably old enough to take care of a few basic things yourself. If you use something, put it away. If you make a mess, clean it up. It's that simple. I am not your maid. I spend enough time stepping over your stuff and I am rather tire of having to tell you the living room is not your personal dumping ground. Children, you have bedrooms, which I have permitted you to turn into toxic waste sites. The containment field will remain tight though. I don't care if you give audible eye rolls or grumble under your breath when I tell you for the 80 kazillionth time that I don't want half a dozen pairs of your foul smelling shoes all over the living room, artistically interspersed with sweaty tee shirts and stacks of other detritus. PUT.IT.IN.YOUR.OWN.ROOM. If you can't fit it in there may I respectfully suggest you clean your room to make room.

Which brings us to that matter. For many years I have told you that during the week you each go to camp I will be attacking, disinfecting, and reorganizing your bedrooms. You cry over the invasion of privacy. I have told you if you don't want the annual invasion of your caves then do it yourself. One of you has taken to preempting my annual sweep-out with your own semi-annual event. That's fine. Another of you has actually kept his New Year's Resolution of a clean room. Bravo! I am most impressed. The remaining offspring has not gotten the message. Yes, there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Too bad. When your bedrooms invite vermin you forfeit the right to privacy.

At this point I must clarify that my expedition into the dangerous territory of your bedrooms does NOT ever give you the right to go rooting around my room or to take my stuff. Months ago, one of you took 4 jump drives with 4 years of family photos on them. No one has confessed, though 3 of the drives were found in one pit of a bedroom. The 4th remains missing. I can't even tell you how this infuriates me. They were not in a location where they'd accidentally be stumbled upon and thought fair game. I explained what they held and that I was putting them in a safe place.

Also, my CDs. Yes I have an iPod. I also still have a big pile of CDs. If you want to listen to them or put them on your own iPod, I am completely fine with that. You will note that you NEVER find my CDs sitting outside their cases. Listen to them or download them and PUT THEM BACK! Although I personally like them alphabetized within genre I won't require you to do that. I do require that each disc is in the correct case and on the shelf with all the other CDs. While they aren't as delicate as vinyl they don't like to be used as drink coasters or to be walked upon.

Next we have the kitchen shears, sewing scissors, crafting supplies. Number one, if you want to use it this stuff let me know. Number two, PUT IT BACK WHEN YOU ARE DONE. Crap on a cracker, how many times do I have to repeat myself?! It doesn't go in your room. It doesn't go on the floor. It doesn't go on the dining room table. It goes back where you found it. And so help me God, if you ever use my sewing scissors on anything other than fabric I will finish the dulling of the blade by performing an amputation on you.

Have a lovely summer.

Mom