Suldog recently shared advice on how NOT to write a cover letter. I'd urge you all to go check it out but not until you've read and commented here. In my comment on his examples of truly deranged cover letters I shared how Mr. Lime had written a couple of his own. Lacking any other ideas I am now going to milk it for all it's worth in a blog post.
While we resided in Trinidad, William Jefferson Clinton was elected as President of the USA. When a new President is sworn in it is standard protocol for US ambassadors to resign and await reappointment. Of course, sometimes those ambassadors to more strategic nations are not reappointed because the new administration has a somewhat different agenda than the folks who appointed the previous ambassador. In due course, Mrs. Sally Cowell, the US Ambassador the the Republic of Trinidad & Tobago resigned. We hadn't been particularly impressed with her anyway (some of you may recall how I told her off) so Mr. Lime seized upon an opportunity and wrote a cover letter to President Clinton. Though his actual writing has been lost I do recall the gist of it.
Dear President Clinton,
I am an American citizen living in Trinidad, West Indies. Although I am a Republican and I didn't vote for you I am taking to heart your stated desire for cooperative efforts between the parties. I am aware that our ambassador to Trinidad & Tobago has resigned. I would like to apply for the position. I came to Trinidad to establish a school program for special education students and economically disadvantaged children. I have built excellent rapport with many Trinidadians. The goodwill I have been able to create will assist me in representing you and our nation. My family and I can also live much more cheaply in our neighborhood than the ambassador can thus saving you money. I anxiously await your reply.
In response Mr. Lime received a form letter thanking him for his support. He was then compelled to draft a second letter which went something like this:
Dear Mr. President,
Obviously you didn't read my last letter too carefully because you failed to address my inquiry regarding the ambassadorship to Trinidad & Tobago. As an educational expert I am concerned you may have some reading comprehension difficulties which I could help to remedy. However, I'd still like to be considered for the position of U.S. Ambassador to Trinidad & Tobago. The courtesy of a timely personal reply would be greatly appreciated.
It was at this point that I became convinced we were immediately placed on an intelligence list for monitoring suspicious characters with questionable sanity.