Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Crafty Lady Retires....For Now

Every year for the last I dunno how many years I've organized the crafts for the VBS program at our church.  Long time readers may recall how some of my plans have been somewhat ambitious or skewed or just outright jokes.  Some have just amazed me to watch them unfold.  Well, this year since I have a job I was only going to be able to be there part of the time. Then it became apparent I wouldn't be there any of the time due to covering for a coworker who is on vacation.  So it seems there will be no crafty hijinx for me this summer.   This time of year though I do get the itch for arts & crafts mayhem though so even though there's a whole site devoted to the weird or awful things found on Etsy.com I was doing periodic posts like that long before others capitalized on it (if only I'd thought to make a whole website on such mockery I might have a few more bucks in my pocket today...).



Let's see, I could have had the kids make Maniacal Mutant Muskrats.  What mother wouldn't be completely charmed to have this sitting on the mantle so she could proudly display her child's handiwork.  I think this is what happens when you listen to too much of The Captain and Tenille.  I dunno if the concept or the expression on the muskrat's face is more disturbing.













Too gruesome for the kiddies?  Hhhmm, ok.  How about the Loch Ness Monster Toilet Decal?  Sure you could decorate your bathroom with a seashore motif or rubber duckies or some other boring theme that's been done to death. Why not conjure up images of some monster lurking in the inky depths of your plumbing though.  So much more soothing, dontcha think?  Either that or it will scare the crap out of folks, which could be helpful in cases of constipation.













We're always being encouraged to stop and smell the flowers.  Well, now they can return the favor for the low, low price of $375.00.  What a bargain!  I think we should have one for every room in the house and a few for the garden.  Ok, someone turn that thing around now.  I don't like when the flowers stare at me.











All I can say about the maker of the Plush Prick Cushion is the maker has some MAJOR issues with men and violent tendencies.  I'm betting she doesn't get too many dates.  I'm wincing on behalf of all the guys out there. (Well, unless you're into that sort of thing, but if you are I really don't want to know about it.)  Seriously, lady.  Get some help!











And just to demonstrate my own level of weirdness (as if the rest of this post hasn't) here is something I actually understand, Owl Pellets.  I think Etsy is probably not the best place for selling these but in the past I have dissected them with Isaac during a nature program on raptors.  They are the stuff owls can't digest so they hork it back up.  The fun in dissecting them is finding itty bitty rodent and bird skeletons inside.  The most exciting thing was finding a skull.  No, I'm not kidding.  We actually got excited about that sort of thing.  Hey, don't be hatin'!   It's educational and Issac and I have fond memories of counting mouse bones together.

13 comments:

Hilary said...

Owl pellets can indeed be fun. As for the Plush Prick Cushion, I'm wincing too. That's a horrible shade of yellow! ;)

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hahahahaha, Who comes up with this stuff? What a hoot.

Cheers,
jj

Dave said...

Hmm Michelle, methinks you have a very odd and twisted sense of humour! (Hey, I'm joking...) :-) - Dave

Cocotte said...

I'll bet they will really miss you this year! Our church quit doing VBS and it makes me sad :(

g-man said...

Get away from me with those pins!

Jazz said...

I had no idea you could dissect stuff like that - or even that it existed. How COOL!!!

Though I don't think I'll run off to Etsy to buy some.

~Tim said...

Hah! Meh. Huh? Ouch! Yeah!

Craver Vii said...

We've done owl pellets, too. We get ours at the home school convention.

Craig said...

Oh, yeah - the owl pellets; good, good times, right there. Our kids get 'em at a two-day Nature Camp, in 4th/5th grade. . .

I'm with you re the Plush, uh, Cushion; somebody needs some help. . .

And you remind me that 'Muskrat Love' was prominently featured in one of my all-time favorite books - Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs. . .

~Dragonfly~* said...

Not only do I love dissecting owl pellets...I enjoy collecting them. Owling is the best!!! Saw a beautiful Great-horned owl last night.

Sorry you're going to miss out on the fun. I likes some of your ideas last year!!

secret agent woman said...

My boys have done owl pellet dissection. And I hope they never encounter a girl/woman who would consider owning one of those plush prick thingies.

snowelf said...

You know, every time I walk through the so-called "craft section" of any store, I often think...

"Pfft! Amateurs. You ain't got nothing on Lime."

--snow

Jocelyn said...

Could you do "Spine Realign" at your job? Sure, it requires a few brave volunteers from the audience, but...