Monday, October 31, 2011

72 Days

If you know anything about me you know I don't give a fat rat's ass about celebrity news, unless, of course, it has to do with the ever-delectable Hugh Jackman.  When it comes to celebrity I tend to think people ought to at least have some actual talent as a performer, artist of some sort, athlete.  Better yet they ought to have contributed something of lasting value to humankind like a Nobel Laureate has.

The Kardashians meet none of my criteria.  For that reason they only barely register on my radar as even existing.  Even though I try to avoid all mention of people like them unless I loved under a rock it would have been hard to miss the hooplah surrounding the recent nuptials and now impending divorce after all of 72 days.  Mind-boggling.  I won't go on an extended rant about how this nonsense grabs headlines over what's going on in Libya, or Iraq, or Afghanistan, though if it distracts from some of the ridiculous circus that is the jockeying for position among Republicans I guess that is something.  Really, some of those people could compete with the Kardashians for lack of substance....but I digress.

Seventy-two whopping days.  Are you kidding me?  I'd joke about having socks older than that but 72 day old socks are still pretty much new in my book. 

Seventy-two days?  It takes longer than that to go from planting a seed to plucking a ripe and juicy tomato from the vine.  Kim may be quite a lil tomato but in 72 days she ain't even a ripe one yet. 

The life span of bed bug can be far longer than 72 days. So had the young couple honeymooned at a less than well-kept hotel that bloodsucking creature Kris whatshisface may have shared a bed with could still plague him even after the divorce...so could the bed bugs, for that matter. 

In 72 days in 1972 the Uruguayan rugby team that crashed in the Andes went from healthy athletes to cannibals.  Looks like it only took 72 days for these two nitwits to eat each other alive too.

Other things lasting longer than this marriage:
  • The smell in the fridge when we moved into this house and found a piece of fermented bologna in the back of one of the shelves
  • The fresh breath from a curiously strong Altoids mint
  • The bad breath from the garlic knots at my favorite Italian place (not even Altoids can neutralize it)
  • The span of time Mr. Lime went as a college freshman without changing his bedsheets
  • The resulting ringworm infection
  • New car smell
  • The span of time I've gone without dusting the house 
  • The number of days I could not bend over and tie my own shoes during the end of pregnancy with Isaac (What?  I'm only 5'4" and he was 9.5 lbs!)
  • Iron Butterfly's Inna Gadda Da Vida seems like it lasts longer
 Your turn.   What do you think has lasted longer?

22 comments:

G-Man said...

I heard that her heartbreak of Psoriases spread to her cooter.
And now you know The Rest of the Story...

G-Man said...

The thrill of Victory !!!!!

Beach Bum said...

What do you think has lasted longer?

I've had a really bad case of indigestion that seemed to last that long. See I've got to the age that I can no longer snack on cold pizza and spicy wings after midnight like I did when I was in my 20's.

silly rabbit said...

Holy crap. I agree the Ks rate a zero on my care meter. I'm pretty sure that twinkies last much, much longer.
Loving under a rock sounds kind of painful. Just saying... =;]

haphazardlife said...

I just only learned these people existed.

Hopefully the hoopla will last less than 72 days.

Craig said...

Poopy diapers in a landfill. . .

Cabbage farts. . .

Mildew in the corners of my son's shower. . .

Heck, from what some of my Indian friends tell me, there might be cricket matches that last longer than 72 days. . .

-----

Kris Humphries is a journeyman professional basketball player, so I'm sure he was happy enough to borrow some of Kimmie's celebrity for a couple months. But what I'm wondering is, how did he even get her attention in the first place? 'Course, he's 6-9 and built like a brick shithouse, so maybe that's an explanation; but if she just wanted a fun play-toy, she sure didn't have to marry him; and just gaging from tabloid headlines that I vaguely recall over the last couple years, he isn't the first 6-9 NBA player to, um, get into her. . .

I'm guessin' she just decided that it was time for her to have a blow-out celebrity-scale, 'everybody-look-at-MEEEEE' wedding, and he just happened to be standing next to her at the time. . .

Suldog said...

Unfortunately, the time before Christmas when the ads and music start showing up.

witnessing am i said...

My favorite part was that she cited "irreconcilable differences." They tried so hard in those seventy two days. They did. So hard.

Craig said...

I just found this, which seems to sum it up nicely.

It actually reminds me of one of my cousins, who married a young woman from a, uh, family of means, who was all about the wedding, but not the marriage so much. They never saw their first anniversary, but it was hands-down the most opulent wedding I've ever attended. Which led me to formulate Craig's Law, to wit - the duration of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding. . .

I'm still in the data-collecting phase of the study, but the early indications are that I may be onto something. . .

Hilary said...

The fleeting season of Autumn. My waterproof mascara. Possibly a couple of items in my fridge.

lime said...

i knew i could count on all of you to give me some fantastic additions to my list. i love it!

as for craig postulate of of the inverse correlation of wedding ceremony expense to duration of union i cite my paternal grandparents who lasted 57 years and probably spent less than i spend on 2 weeks worth of groceries.

Craig said...

Another confirming data point!

Thanks, Meesh!

Cricket said...

I guess I actually do live under a rock, as my initial reaction was "Who? Is this an actress/actor or something?"

I have heard about Libya, Afghanistan, &c., but that's different, I guess. The last movie I saw in a theatre was Titanic, which ran longer than it took the actual ship to sink.

Jocelyn said...

The delay between starting a new job and receiving the first paycheck from it can run longer than 72 days.

I love this post. This news story has me full of renewed disbelief.

The cannibalism in the Andes comparison? Very striking.

Craver Vii said...

The shock, disbelief, and anger that stirs me on account of this betrayal of the sacred institution of marriage will last more than 72 days.

Yeah, I have an idea what they can do with their wedding gifts!

secret agent woman said...

If they'd loved under a rock, it would be preferable because then we wouldn't have to hear about it.

Bijoux said...

72 days? I have cheese in my fridge older than that.

Did anyone else think that the dude was just weird looking?

coopernicus said...

hey hey hey!!! don't be knocking in-a-gadda-da-vida here...

...and who are the Kadashians anyway?

Craig said...

Oops; my bad. . . It's Kim's sister Khloe, who's married to Lamar Odom, who's 6-10 (and considerably more accomplished as a hooper than young Mr. Humphries). Khloe and Lamar celebrated their 2nd anniversary in Sept. . .

Just, you know, in case you were wondering. . .

BBC said...

I don't think I'd marry again, I'll just find a woman I don't like and buy her a house.

~Tim said...

The instrument that can measure how little I care about anything Kardashian related has not been invented. And with the divorce, I suppose I can add Kardashian UNrelated.

(M)ary said...

Yeah...I think this will be a new unit of measurement " a Kardashian (K)"...72 days...
as in
"Christmas is in K-5days!"