Showing posts with label get real. Show all posts
Showing posts with label get real. Show all posts

Monday, October 31, 2011

72 Days

If you know anything about me you know I don't give a fat rat's ass about celebrity news, unless, of course, it has to do with the ever-delectable Hugh Jackman.  When it comes to celebrity I tend to think people ought to at least have some actual talent as a performer, artist of some sort, athlete.  Better yet they ought to have contributed something of lasting value to humankind like a Nobel Laureate has.

The Kardashians meet none of my criteria.  For that reason they only barely register on my radar as even existing.  Even though I try to avoid all mention of people like them unless I loved under a rock it would have been hard to miss the hooplah surrounding the recent nuptials and now impending divorce after all of 72 days.  Mind-boggling.  I won't go on an extended rant about how this nonsense grabs headlines over what's going on in Libya, or Iraq, or Afghanistan, though if it distracts from some of the ridiculous circus that is the jockeying for position among Republicans I guess that is something.  Really, some of those people could compete with the Kardashians for lack of substance....but I digress.

Seventy-two whopping days.  Are you kidding me?  I'd joke about having socks older than that but 72 day old socks are still pretty much new in my book. 

Seventy-two days?  It takes longer than that to go from planting a seed to plucking a ripe and juicy tomato from the vine.  Kim may be quite a lil tomato but in 72 days she ain't even a ripe one yet. 

The life span of bed bug can be far longer than 72 days. So had the young couple honeymooned at a less than well-kept hotel that bloodsucking creature Kris whatshisface may have shared a bed with could still plague him even after the divorce...so could the bed bugs, for that matter. 

In 72 days in 1972 the Uruguayan rugby team that crashed in the Andes went from healthy athletes to cannibals.  Looks like it only took 72 days for these two nitwits to eat each other alive too.

Other things lasting longer than this marriage:
  • The smell in the fridge when we moved into this house and found a piece of fermented bologna in the back of one of the shelves
  • The fresh breath from a curiously strong Altoids mint
  • The bad breath from the garlic knots at my favorite Italian place (not even Altoids can neutralize it)
  • The span of time Mr. Lime went as a college freshman without changing his bedsheets
  • The resulting ringworm infection
  • New car smell
  • The span of time I've gone without dusting the house 
  • The number of days I could not bend over and tie my own shoes during the end of pregnancy with Isaac (What?  I'm only 5'4" and he was 9.5 lbs!)
  • Iron Butterfly's Inna Gadda Da Vida seems like it lasts longer
 Your turn.   What do you think has lasted longer?