I believe I have mentioned that since Calypso and Diana are no longer at home I am swimming alone in a sea of testosterone. This is frequently manifested in the TV being tuned to football or zombie shows. Isaac attempts to reassure me of his enduring affection by telling me he'd totally blast a zombie in the head with a shot-gun to save me or that I'd be welcome in his compound when the zombie plague hits. Recognizing that different people express love in different ways I understand that in 16 year old boy-speak this is evidence that I am held in high esteem. I have attempted to repay the kindness by joining him as he watches his new favorite show The Walking Dead. As much as I adore my son I do NOT enjoy the show even a little. I have tried. It's grotesque and horrifying in its excessive depictions of the savagery of both the dead and undead. However, Isaac and Mr. Lime have been anticipating the season premier for months. That would be tonight...at the same time as the Grammy Awards.
The fellows were out so I put on the Grammys. When they returned Isaac curled up next to me and enjoyed some of the show but announced at 9pm he'd be watching the zombies. About the time Rhianna came on stage to perform, he asked if I wanted to change the channel or should he go to the den. Wanting very much to continue to enjoy the presence of my son but NOT endure images of the lumbering, partially-dismembered undead I had to think fast. As Rhianna pranced around in her slinky outfit I directed his attention to her taut abs revealed by the tight outfit, the curve of her firm backside, and the succulence of her bosom before suggesting he might find that a far more pleasing sight than the aforementioned zombies.
I suggested some of the tasty morsels on the Food Network since it's a channel he regularly enjoys. I appealed to his seemingly unending hunger and said the gourmet delights (heck, even some of the awful things Andrew Zimmern ingests on Bizarre Foods) would be more enjoyable than rotting brains and innards. My son was unswayed.
That's right, I sought to arouse lust in the glands of a teenage boy through the visual stimulation of a hot chick writhing on stage in tight clothes. I hoped to stimulate a desire for food in a young man who sucks down a gallon of milk a day, who makes a batch of pancakes from scratch and eats the entire batch in one sitting...and I FAILED.
Kids today....lust and gluttony just aren't what they used to be.