The day started with lovely sunshine and warm weather. I was at school helping a class of second graders check out books when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I had called my endocrinologist before classes hoping to get the results of my biopsy. She was calling me back. I had to play phone tag and returned her call once the class and the substitute teacher filling in for a particularly inept coworker were both gone.
Over the last two months I have gone through many tests and procedures. I've changed family doctors due to inexcusably poor communication and totally inaccurate information being given. I've been on medication to deal with symptoms of the whacked out thyroid so I can function in daily life and they have helped greatly. I have, however, noted changes in my body over this course of time. I have found reputable sources of information and read up on my situation. I have read reports of my own tests before doctors have been bothered to communicate with me. In spite of the odds being in my favor and although I do not tend to consider myself a worrier I came to suspect what the results of the biopsy would be. Nonetheless, nothing really prepares you to hear the words "confirmed malignancy." Upon hearing them I called Mr. Lime at work and decided to go home. One the way I had a bit of a cry. I am deeply grateful to the friends who let me rant and cry as I made my way home and waited for Mr. Lime to arrive.
He let me rant a bit more, made me some lunch, and we sat down to watch "What About Bob?" together because I needed a laugh. After the movie we went to the doctor to get the details. The good news is I am told I have the most treatable form of thyroid cancer and the form which has the best long-term outlook. For that I am very grateful. Next step is surgery and if I understand correctly, that's when I will find out how much this thing has or has not progressed.
Because I need to maintain a sense of humor in order to not go nuts and because laughter is the best medicine (and eating an apple a day has not kept the doctor away) I decided to milk this thing for the day and get a few things done I haven't been able to do thus far.
I needed an extra gooey hot fudge and peanut butter sundae....because I have cancer.
I need my son to pick up his shoes.....because I have cancer.
I need my daughter to clean her room....because I have cancer.
I'm going back to work tomorrow and tell the incompetent coworker he needs to get off his lazy ass and do his own damn job.....because I have cancer.
I need some new pants because mine are falling off me....because I have cancer.
I need a new bookshelf to hold my to-read pile of books...because I have cancer.
I need the holes in the basement wall to be repaired...because I have cancer.
I need the grocery store to run a special sale just for my order....because I have cancer.
I need the electric company to waive this month's bill....because I have cancer.
I need May to be full of perfect weather....because I have cancer.
I need Hugh Jackson to go ziplining with me...because I have cancer.
Ok, your turn. Suggest some ridiculous or outrageous demands I ought to make. I need to laugh....because I have cancer.