Wednesday, May 01, 2013

May Day!

The day started with lovely sunshine and warm weather.  I was at school helping a class of second graders check out books when my phone vibrated in my pocket.  I had called my endocrinologist before classes hoping to get the results of my biopsy. She was calling me back.  I had to play phone tag and returned her call once the class and the substitute teacher filling in for a particularly inept coworker were both gone.

Over the last two months I have gone through many tests and procedures.  I've changed family doctors due to inexcusably poor communication and totally inaccurate information being given.  I've been on medication to deal with symptoms of the whacked out thyroid so I can function in daily life and they have helped greatly.  I have, however, noted changes in my body over this course of time.  I have found reputable sources of information and read up on my situation.  I have read reports of my own tests before doctors have been bothered to communicate with me.  In spite of the odds being in my favor and although I do not tend to consider myself a worrier I came to suspect what the results of the biopsy would be.  Nonetheless, nothing really prepares you to hear the words "confirmed malignancy."   Upon hearing them I called Mr. Lime at work and decided to go home.  One the way I had a bit of a cry.  I am deeply grateful to the friends who let me rant and cry as I made my way home and waited for Mr. Lime to arrive.

He let me rant a bit more, made me some lunch, and we sat down to watch "What About Bob?" together because I needed a laugh.  After the movie we went to the doctor to get the details.  The good news is I am told I have the most treatable form of thyroid cancer and the form which has the best long-term outlook.  For that I am very grateful.  Next step is surgery and if I understand correctly, that's when I will find out how much this thing has or has not progressed.

Because I need to maintain a sense of humor in order to not go nuts and because laughter is the best medicine (and eating an apple a day has not kept the doctor away) I decided to milk this thing for the day and get a few things done I haven't been able to do thus far. 

I needed an extra gooey hot fudge and peanut butter sundae....because I have cancer.

I need my son to pick up his shoes.....because I have cancer.

I need my daughter to clean her room....because I have cancer.

I'm going back to work tomorrow and tell the incompetent coworker he needs to get off his lazy ass and do his own damn job.....because I have cancer.

I need some new pants because mine are falling off me....because I have cancer.

I need a new bookshelf to hold my to-read pile of books...because I have cancer.

I need the holes in the basement wall to be repaired...because I have cancer.

I need the grocery store to run a special sale just for my order....because I have cancer.

I need the electric company to waive this month's bill....because I have cancer.

I need May to be full of perfect weather....because I have cancer.

I need Hugh Jackson to go ziplining with me...because I have cancer.

Ok, your turn.  Suggest some ridiculous or outrageous demands I ought to make.  I need to laugh....because I have cancer.






23 comments:

Hilary said...

Oh sweetie. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. I know a few people who have had thyroid cancer eons ago.. they're all doing just great. You will also.

So how about you get Hugh Jackson to fix the holes in your basement walls, build a bookshelf, pay the electricity bill and.. umm.. help you with those pants.. because you have cancer.

Hugs

Logophile said...

You need a vacation in the Northwest...
;)

Beach Bum said...

You need a ten-day long cruise in the Caribbean.

Bijoux said...

I am sorry to hear of this news. I don't know much about thyroid.cancer, but I have heard that it is completely treatable. Prayers coming your way......

Oh, and you should get disability leave, because you have the c-word.

Daryl said...

well, i had cancer and i am a survivor and i also needed things done because of said condition ... the best was i get a pass on just about anything i want to do ... because ....

did they tell you, you may glow in the dark from the radiation therapy?

its not true, but if you want to glow in the dark, you can ... cause ...

Leave It To Davis said...

Sorry...but shit! This just sucks. I hate this. I have had too many people I love get cancer and now another blogging friend. I was away, as you know, from blogging for a month and I have missed out on all of this...and am so sorry to find this out. Damn. Just damn.

You need a laugh. Right now, I am just about to cry and cannot think of anything funny except to tell you to rent What's Up Doc?....has Barbra Streisand and Ryan O'Neal...showed it to my 18 year old last year and the two of us laughed til we cried...funniest thing I have EVER seen.

When I think of something funny to tell you, I'll be back....until then, you are in my prayers. Hugs.

Stephen Hayes said...

You need to go to a casino and put a hundred dollars down on red, and win because you have cancer.

haphazardlife said...

I'm so sorry, but you will prevail, because Lime? You rock.

But on to more serious things.

Once the delectable Hugh has ziplined with you you should get to take him home and make him your slave. Your mouth watering, eye bugging luscious slave.

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

I am too close to cancer to make any suggestions.
But I will say some prayers exclusively for you and those close to you.

Craver Vii said...

Gee, I think having cancer gives you total control of any radio in your vicinity. Feel free to change the station, even if you're at the grocery store. Listen to whatever you want, whenever you want, as loud or soft as you want. You CAN because... you have cancer.

(Big hug, Lime. Praying for you, my dear friend.)

Secret Agent Woman said...

You are making me realize that I didn't get nearly enough mileage with the "because I have cancer" thing when I had the chance. Damn.

But as treatable as it is, ANY cancer is unsettling at best. Do go easy on yourself.

g-man said...

Do I have to wear a pink t-shirt?

Dave said...

Cancer is a frightening disease Michelle, but with good treatment and a lot of luck it can be beaten. Do you think that you can try to be positive and pray for a good outcome? I'm sure that you can. My best wishes for this for you - Dave

~Tim said...

{hug}

You should laugh until you cry and then cry until you laugh... because you're awesome.

coopernicus said...

Hershey Park should let you do whatever you want for free...

Jocelyn said...

You need a trip to Trinidad...because you have cancer.


Okay, you guys sat down and watched a movie before going to the doctor? I'm still all, "They WHAT?" over that tidbit.

Suldog said...

You can send a telegram to Hugh Jackman, telling him your husband said it's OK now for you to cover Hugh in hot fudge and lick it off... because you have cancer.

You can tell your husband you're sending a telegram to Hugh Jackman, telling Hugh it's OK for you to cover him in hot fudge and lick it off... because you have cancer.

You can actually cover Hugh Jackman in hot fudge and lick it off... because you have cancer.

Should you decide to do these things, I will spring for the hot fudge... because I love you, and so does MY WIFE. Cancer has nothing to do with it.

I have said a prayer for you, Lime. I firmly believe that our God has listened.

(Although I'm unsure why He listens to me. I think it has more to do with you.)

Now, let's talk seriously. Cancer? It's a swell excuse for covering Hugh Jackman in hot fudge and licking it off, but it's crap otherwise. I can't even begin to imagine cancer kicking your ass. You will stomp on it, grind it into the dust, and leave it whimpering like a whipped dog. And you will do so while maintaining the amazing sense of humor and sparkle in your eye which we have seen each time we've had the pleasure of being in your company. Cancer will be your bitch. Of that, I have no doubt; none at all.

OK, what's brown and sticky?

A stick!

(Best I have off the top of my head. I'll come up with something better. Stay tuned.)

Craig said...

You wanna send my wife an email?

Yeah, didn't think so. . .

Praying for you, my friend. The good news is, the word itself is really scary, but it's not quite the automatic, instant death sentence it used-to-was.

You have my permission to be really pissed if you lose your hair. . .

;)

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Kat said...

Holy friggin crap! I am so sorry I am so late to this game. I completely missed this post. I feel like the crappiest blog friend in the world. I seriously suck some big lemons.

I am sending you buckets of prayers. Seriously. You are on my family's nightly list.

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