Next step for me is to get into a surgeon's office to have my thyroid out. Calling the one I was referred to I was told they could see me in...August....four months from now...after we've been dicking around for two months already. I asked if they heard the word cancer at which point the charming woman on the other end of the call asked snidely how I knew I had cancer. I let her know I was looking at the pathologist's report for my biopsy, I am actually literate, and just in case I couldn't read the ordering physician had explained it all to me. She grudgingly suggested the doctor fax over my records and maybe they could squeeze me in sooner. Seriously? Don't do me any favors. Really, don't put yourself out. So I called another office and they wouldn't even answer the phone. Next up in ideas for Slice of Lime posts I get literal and perform my own thyroidectomy in the kitchen with my steak knives and a bottle of rubbing alcohol....
In other news in the "I can't make this shit up" category, Mr. Lime very lovingly and supportively sent me a beautiful basket of flowers at school the day after my diagnosis. They were gorgeous and so appreciated. Since my library is ridiculously small and my desk is student-sized without even enough room to put an extra book on it let alone a large basket full of flowers I asked the secretaries in the office if they'd like to enjoy the flowers for the day and I'd pick them up before I went home. They were delighted.
I was wiped out at the end of the day so I just put the flowers in my car without looking too closely at them. After I got home and went to add water to it I noticed the arrangement was missing 4 roses, 3 carnations, 2 tulips, a skinny iris looking flower, and a significant chunk of filler bits. That's a LOT of flowers, folks. The only thing they didn't take any of were the daisies. What? Too common? Forgive me but my first thought was, "Who the fuck steals someone's 'sorry you got cancer' flowers?!" Does this lowlife troll funeral homes waiting for mourners to dab their eyes so he or she can make off with lilies and gladiolus? All I can say is karma's a bitch, baby. I wish I felt more charitable but I don't.
Ok, rant over. Onto the good stuff.
I've been really touched by the kindness and support I have received already from so many people. I'm humbled by it. Emails, phone calls, posts full of punchlines to make me laugh, gag gifts and books, prayers and good thoughts offered, and well-wishes from someone I figured would be happier If I didn't even exist. Some of it has left me speechless it has touched me so much, ALL of it has encouraged me greatly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And now, I will end with something I hope makes you laugh they way it did me.
As a preface, you need to know my children now roll their eyes almost audibly when I make some ridiculous request....because I have cancer. Calypso was describing her love of Jane Austen. She mentioned the opening line of Pride and Prejudice never fails to make her laugh. I had to confess I'd never read it. She went on to extol the virtues of this work against others in Ms. Austen's oeuvre. I had to confess I'd never read any of it. I'll pause a moment while some of you gasp in utter horror.........................................and we're back....feel better now? As I waited for Calypso to regain the powers of speech I admitted I realized I now risked being disowned by her. She recovered, sputtered, "Well yeah, you do!" Then she smiled wryly and added, "But I won't.....because you have cancer."
Well played, kiddo!