Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Adventures in Low-Iodine Life (or Theo Take Me Away!)

As you know, the first night of the diet Calypso brought home forbidden desserts.  There have been other "fun" moments.

A few days later she brought me penne a la vodka.  Also forbidden due to the butter and cream involved, though I can have all the booze I want on this diet and may soon start drinking heavily.

I decided to keep busy by going through old magazines to get rid of.  May I just say Cooking Light is the new porn when on a restrictive diet.

The next morning I woke up in a cold sweat because I thought I'd sabotaged my treatment after dreaming of eating salty french fries topped with crumbled bacon followed by peaches covered with a very buttery streusel.  It was the yummiest nightmare I've ever had though.

Lest you think Calypso is the only family member hoping to be choked with dry matzo crackers (which are permissible to me) allow me to correct you.  During the planning stages of the menu I asked Mr. Lime and Isaac for dinner recipes they were hungry for in terms of trying to figure out whether or not they were recipes I could easily adapt.  After Mr. Lime suggested about a dozen things with dairy as the main component I asked him if he had been present during the extended instruction the doctor gave about this diet.  He admitted he had zoned out intentionally "because it was too complicated."

The tacos in question with hella good pico
Then Diana came home to visit for the weekend.  She and Isaac decided they wanted to go out to eat rather than stay home and partake in low iodine food....this after I gave them the last of the black bean tacos with pico de gallo I had made for dinner the night before...the tacos that took me ridiculous amounts of effort to prepare thus leaving me none for lunch the next day.  My darling children went to a restaurant where I could not hope to find something suitable to eat.  Then Diana came buzzing back into the house and asked for money out of MY wallet to finish paying their bill because Isaac took his wallet but not money and she had some cash but not enough and had left her debit card at home (how convenient).  Let me get this right, you're going to eat the last of the food I can safely eat, then go out to a place where I can't possibly eat, THEN ask for MY money to pay for part of it?  She nodded sheepishly.  You so owe me, kid.


This past weekend we had unexpected house guests.  They were dear friends from Trinidad we hadn't seen in many years so we welcomed the chance to see them even though the circumstances leading to their extended stay were, shall we say, less than optimal and the original hosts for them need to be flogged.  They brought along with them their own dietary restrictions in the form of a diabetic and a celiac patient.  Yes, I managed to cook tasty meals which met EVERYONE'S requirements...And then we had a 10 hour power outage so we went out to eat.  My dietary low point came when I sat with everyone at the restaurant as various table mates ate eggs, pancakes, and buttered toast.  My plate contained applesauce and fried potatoes with nothing but pepper because that's all the menu had that met my requirements.  Trust me, I read the entire menu.  NOTHING else would have been permissible.  It was depressing.

Now I've done a fair bit of complaining about food in this post but it's to set you up to understand my happiness over the one bit of dietary joy I have been able to indulge in during this period of frustration.  I mentioned before that I have found exactly one brand of chocolate bar I am allowed to enjoy because it contains no dairy and no soy lecithin.  Read your labels.  Soy lecithin is in every other freaking brand of chocolate I've looked at and I've looked at a LOT of chocolate.  Maybe there are some other brands out there but if so they aren't available in my area.

So I bought myself some bars of Theo chocolate to sustain myself for the weeks of deprivation while I prepare to nuke any remaining cancer cells and burn them into oblivion so cancer is a thing that I will hereafter refer to in the past tense.  I've had Theo before and it's yummy stuff.  I was also aware that it was non-GMO (because I don't need my chocolate to have some weird gene splicing going on and exposing me to other crazy health risks, cancer is quite enough, thanks), organic (ditto the previous comment), fair-trade (so I don't have to worry that some little kid in Africa was slaving away involuntarily rather than going to school so I can get my cacao fix), and as chocolate goes it's pretty low in sugar (so you can eat the dark varieties and tell yourself it's health food...trust me...I've read all sorts of studies about the benefits of dark chocolate).  It made me happy that an ethical and tasty product was still available during my dietary exile from the land of yum.  It made me happy enough that I left a comment on the company website telling them how much I appreciated this bit of joy their product allows me.

This is the part where they won me as a loyal customer for the rest of what I intend to be a long life.  Within a day I received separate emails from two different employees telling me how much they appreciated my message and how glad they were I was a satisfied customer.  They were personal notes which included the offer of some coupons to keep my stash supplied AND kind wishes for my well-being.   A few days later the coupons arrived, not with a form letter but with a nice old-fashioned, hand-written, personal letter. Check it out.  So Tiffany, Becca, and anyone else from Theo, if you're reading, thanks again for being an all around terrific company which provides a great product and treats its customers well.

For the sake of my friends and loyal readers here, who have seen a reference to a particular actor being covered in a particular confection innumerable times, I guess the next question is....do you guys have any pull with Hugh Jackman?  Could you convince him to show up at my house wearing some melted Theo? No?  Ok, well I'm off to savor a bit of 85% dark and some daydreams...


16 comments:

Beach Bum said...

He admitted he had zoned out intentionally "because it was too complicated."

That has been one of the unexpected benefits of being married to a lawyer. My wife is trained to listen to all sorts of important gobbledygook. When I need to know something she can then distill it down to the critical stuff.

Hang in there! As for Jackman, sorry, but I'm hearing rumors he may be in the next Avengers movie.

Craig said...

Heck I know how hard it is to do my own diet while eating out, and it's WAY less restrictive than yours. . . May your diligence return to you in many decades of cancer-free-ness. . .

And I might just run out and have a Theo bar myself. You know, in solidarity with you. . . And, yeah, because the 85% dark stuff is just that good for you. . .

;)

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

I love's me some 85% dark.... and if I were Hugh Jackman....


I have another blogging acquaintance with some pretty heavy duty dietary restrictions, but they're nothing like yours.

Stephen Hayes said...

Sorry, I don't know Hugh Jackman. But if i run into him I'll let him know you're looking for him.

Saz said...

oh my dear, its been along while since i have done the rounds in blogland, and I now feel very ashamed that I have been so quiet and self centred since mum/moannie died...I have arrived and found you to be diagnosed with the 'fecker' but am so happy that you are still you and your humour rocks still...
i will be around much more now and send you love from me and mum, as I;m sure if there be a place up yonder she will be here cheering with me

saz x

Secret Agent Woman said...

Ooh, they're not making it easy on you, are they?

But how cool about the response of the folks at Theo. That's customer service!

Jackie said...

As you prepare for your nuke attack on the dreaded C...know that I surround you completely with Chocolate Theo hugs. Those are good for you.
I do wish you all the best, Lime.
I will be back to check your continued progress.
You have a wonderful sense of humor...and that (along with Theo Chocolate) will take you farther than you ever dreamed. I know it.
Love,
J.

haphazardlife said...

Actually, I don't think he'll be willing to arrive at your door covered in melted Theo. But I think I can convince him to show up and let you cover him with melted chocolate yourself...

If that's agreeable of course.

Tabor said...

You are doing good with your restrictions. Is it absolute that you cannot have these things or could you have just a little taste now and again? With your attitude you are going to be super healthy in no time!

Daryl said...

i understand Mr Jackman can be very salty ... xo

Bijoux said...

I am sooo happy to hear a story about a company that listens to its customers! What retailer sells Theo chocolate? I want to try it now!

Sorry about the whole diet thing though :(

~Tim said...

I have never tried Theo chocolate, but I will now. Sorry I can't help with Jackman -- I think he's still pissed at me for that time I beat him at arm wrestling.

Kat said...

What the hay? I posted a comment a couple of days ago and it has disappeared! BAH!

These diet restrictions are just cruel and inhumane torture. Horrible! I am so glad you found one little treasure you can enjoy and that the company is so amazing.

Jocelyn said...

Just to tell you: I'm hear, reading all sorts of entries--just have too many late nights and too much fatigue to do the comments justice. But you are in my head and heart (and now Theo chocolate is, too).

randy said...

Hi, Nice post thanks for sharing. Would you please consider adding an intro to my website on your next post? I will return the favor. Please email me back. Thanks!

Randy
randydavis387 at gmail.com

Gadgets

Hilary said...

I can't imagine how difficult such a restricted diet must be and I hate that you have to stick with that but I know you and you'll come out of this an absolute winner.

Good for Theo for being such a human business. We need more companies that appreciate their customers before their bottom line.

I won't keep you any longer. I'm sure you much rush righto out and accommodate Randy's request.. sheesh!