A few days later she brought me penne a la vodka. Also forbidden due to the butter and cream involved, though I can have all the booze I want on this diet and may soon start drinking heavily.
I decided to keep busy by going through old magazines to get rid of. May I just say Cooking Light is the new porn when on a restrictive diet.
The next morning I woke up in a cold sweat because I thought I'd sabotaged my treatment after dreaming of eating salty french fries topped with crumbled bacon followed by peaches covered with a very buttery streusel. It was the yummiest nightmare I've ever had though.
Lest you think Calypso is the only family member hoping to be choked with dry matzo crackers (which are permissible to me) allow me to correct you. During the planning stages of the menu I asked Mr. Lime and Isaac for dinner recipes they were hungry for in terms of trying to figure out whether or not they were recipes I could easily adapt. After Mr. Lime suggested about a dozen things with dairy as the main component I asked him if he had been present during the extended instruction the doctor gave about this diet. He admitted he had zoned out intentionally "because it was too complicated."
|The tacos in question with hella good pico|
This past weekend we had unexpected house guests. They were dear friends from Trinidad we hadn't seen in many years so we welcomed the chance to see them even though the circumstances leading to their extended stay were, shall we say, less than optimal and the original hosts for them need to be flogged. They brought along with them their own dietary restrictions in the form of a diabetic and a celiac patient. Yes, I managed to cook tasty meals which met EVERYONE'S requirements...And then we had a 10 hour power outage so we went out to eat. My dietary low point came when I sat with everyone at the restaurant as various table mates ate eggs, pancakes, and buttered toast. My plate contained applesauce and fried potatoes with nothing but pepper because that's all the menu had that met my requirements. Trust me, I read the entire menu. NOTHING else would have been permissible. It was depressing.
Now I've done a fair bit of complaining about food in this post but it's to set you up to understand my happiness over the one bit of dietary joy I have been able to indulge in during this period of frustration. I mentioned before that I have found exactly one brand of chocolate bar I am allowed to enjoy because it contains no dairy and no soy lecithin. Read your labels. Soy lecithin is in every other freaking brand of chocolate I've looked at and I've looked at a LOT of chocolate. Maybe there are some other brands out there but if so they aren't available in my area.
So I bought myself some bars of Theo chocolate to sustain myself for the weeks of deprivation while I prepare to nuke any remaining cancer cells and burn them into oblivion so cancer is a thing that I will hereafter refer to in the past tense. I've had Theo before and it's yummy stuff. I was also aware that it was non-GMO (because I don't need my chocolate to have some weird gene splicing going on and exposing me to other crazy health risks, cancer is quite enough, thanks), organic (ditto the previous comment), fair-trade (so I don't have to worry that some little kid in Africa was slaving away involuntarily rather than going to school so I can get my cacao fix), and as chocolate goes it's pretty low in sugar (so you can eat the dark varieties and tell yourself it's health food...trust me...I've read all sorts of studies about the benefits of dark chocolate). It made me happy that an ethical and tasty product was still available during my dietary exile from the land of yum. It made me happy enough that I left a comment on the company website telling them how much I appreciated this bit of joy their product allows me.
For the sake of my friends and loyal readers here, who have seen a reference to a particular actor being covered in a particular confection innumerable times, I guess the next question is....do you guys have any pull with Hugh Jackman? Could you convince him to show up at my house wearing some melted Theo? No? Ok, well I'm off to savor a bit of 85% dark and some daydreams...