Monday, February 16, 2009

Copped from Cooper (a long time ago)

1. Have you ever had inappropriate dreams about coworkers? (You know what I mean..)Um, no I don't really know what you mean. Could you spell it out for me?

2. Name the first person you ever told to fuck off.
You mean I get to re-christen him with a new name? Great! then I dub him Sir Hemorrhoid, Duke of Puke, Lord of all that is Foul and Diseased.

3. Have you ever smoked pot or worse?
I had a really hard time getting that blasted cast iron dutch oven to light. My stainless steel Farberware didn't work much better. Inhaling was impossible.

4. How and where were you conceived?
I was hatched from an alien egg.

5. Have you ever stolen anything?
Moments and kisses

6. Ever been handcuffed?
No, been duct-taped though. And thank you for dredging up such painful memories. Why dontcha give me a paper-cut and pour lemon juice in it now?

7. Ever been arrested? Naked?
I have had naked activities arrested.

8. Has anybody ever caught you watching porn?
Just food porn.

9. Do you have any unusual piercings?
Sometimes my eyes and voice are unusually piercing.

10. Do you know any crack dealers or pimps?
I once hired a plumber with bad acne. Does that cover them both?

11. Have you ever done a hit and run in your car?
Do squirrels and deer count?

12. Have you ever been in jail?
Why yes, yes I have...as a teacher.

13. Have you ever fired a gun?

I've never hired one to be able to fire him later.

14. Ever ridden a motorcycle in a race on the highway?
Zipline not withstanding, do I look like I have a deathwish?

15. Ever broken into a building illegally (as in, not your own house)?
Do I strike you as foolish enough to publicly admit to a felony?

16. Do you keep the extra change the checkout person gives you by mistake?
The checkout person can't change me. Only I can change myself.

17. What is your most guilty pleasure?
Why should pleasure be guilt inducing?

18. Who do you most hate?
Pedophiles

19. Could you kill somebody?
Am I physically capable? Am I morally conflicted about doing so?

20. What was your worst Freudian slip?
It happened when I was Jung

25 comments:

EmBee said...

Another clever meme Lime. I often wonder how long these take for you to crank out. I've a feeling your mind/wit is powerful fast.

As for me, I have to read them through a couple of times before I get the subtle humor... Such as the 'Crack & Pimp' question. Very, very clever you!
:-)

Desmond Jones said...

Oh, my. . . Once again, your sideways sense of humor leaves me in awe. . .

And as re #4 - I know what you mean. Myself, I fell out of the sky. . . ;)

Jazz said...

Ohhh that pun! yer quite the smartass aren't you?

Moannie said...

Wonderfully lateral thinking funny answers. You are a treasure.

Poutalicious said...

I must rename the first person I told to sod off "Mr. Eat Shit and Die." I feel better.

Mona said...

LOL! that was most witty one! I love all your answers that are so essentially 'Lime' :)

truckdriver_sefl said...

Food porn!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!

citizen of the world said...

Good answers. It's one of those memes that seems skewed to geting you to admit to things you'd rather not.

Moosekahl said...

I love the intelligent answers...they were good. The last one? It was excellent! Happy President's Day!

Cynthia said...

Wow what a difficult list of questions, which you delightfully defeated! Excellent. I'm over from Oasis in Puerto Rico, for a little visit. Though I'm older than you, I still growing up too! <3

(M)ary said...

OMG! I love #20. (-:

(M)ary said...

ps...#3...try the spatula. i think those all rubber spatulas have a special scent!

Beach Bum said...

20. What was your worst Freudian slip?
It happened when I was Jung


Fell off the chair laughing at that one.

g-man said...

#7....hehehehe

Spanish Princess said...

You are too funny! Thanks for the laughs. My favorite answer is: Sometimes my eyes and voice are unusually piercing ... I think that is a 'Michelle' thing!

misticblu said...

When I am down, when i am away from home, when i am locked in a hospital room as caretaker, i reach out to you, lime and you never disappoint. see blog for details.
loves.

barman said...

Turn the heat way up, let what ever oil or butter may be in the pan dry up, have a light weight pot ... you will smoke that pot yet!

If the checkout person wanted to change me bad enough I probably would let them try. I don't want them to feel badly.

You're to smart for me. That last one went way over my head until I looked it up. You to funny. Love your answers.

lime said...

my dear misticblu, i am glad my silliness can give yo a lift when you really need it. hugs to you.

Hilary said...

You made me laugh out loud several times, and I haven't even had my coffee yet. Well played. :)

James Goodman said...

great meme, Lime. :D

James Goodman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suldog said...

You know how much I like this post? I won't even try to top any of the answers. That's called "respect".

Cooper said...

#20 - ba-dum-bum (crash). But seriously folks....

VE said...

Line 'em up, knock 'em down! Another meme shredded. Excellent job as always. I've got one tee'd up for tomorrow as well...

Jocelyn said...

You're at your best with this wordplay. Never give them a straight answer, me says.