Thursday, February 26, 2009

Slice of Lime-Time to Make the Fastnachts

DISCLAIMER: Viewing of the following video clips may be a hazard to your health. Creating them was certainly a hazardous undertaking considering the sleep deprivation endured and the presence of boiling oil. Do not attempt to recreate these scenes at home. The filmmaker is highly untrained and just look what happened to her! Viewing these scenes or overindulging in fastnachts may result in delirium, tics and twitches, brain damage, simple chronic halitosis, acne, psychosis, beri beri, tingling in the earlobes, severe nostril cramps, and terminal nail fungus. Erections lasting over 4 hours should be referred to the blog author immediately.


As you know, on Tuesday I got up well before dawn to fry up Fastnachts for Fat Tuesday. If that's not shocking enough to those who know how much I hate early mornings, prepare to be amazed. I also filmed the process in segments all so you lovely people could bask in the horror of my very unlovely 4 am self. Of course I am assuming you all are fans of horror. I apologize to those readers/viewers possessing a more delicate constitution. There are 5 videos because I have no idea whatsoever how to edit them into a single clip but don't worry, they are all mercifully brief. So without further ado...



Good grief, check the bags under those eyes...and the squint. Look away!

Next, the rolling and cutting.

Such eloquence, really. And I am sure Grammy did not use a New York Giants Pilsner glass being the temperate woman she was.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, she fires them. This is a truly death defying feat as she scoops fastnachts into the hot oil with one hand and works the camera with the other. What was she thinking? It was before dawn...she wasn't thinking at all...except perhaps, "Oh, my bed would feel sooooo nice right now." But on the upside, she's finally got more than dime slits for eyes.

Little did I know any nausea induced by the camera work would be far exceeded by the wretched indigestion after eating a bunch of these for breakfast and throughout the day. I now know what it feel like to digest bricks.


Here is the 25 second clip that will horrify the well mannered everywhere.
I demonstrate the edibility of the fastnachts and talk with a mouthful. That Lime, she is one classy chick.

In defense of my sense of decorum, I at least put a bra on before coming into the kitchen. I could say it was for the sake of propriety but really it is because the pain associated with accidentally deep frying my nipples if I leaned over the frying pan was a greater motivator.


Finally, after I was awake for a few hours and had a chance to make myself presentable I evaluate the results. Basically I figured if I was going to put up those earlier and far more horrific clips I had to end with something where I at least looked like a member of the human race.

To add further commentary, the excessive number of fastnachts I consumed wound up sitting in my gut like doughy bricks for the rest of the day. It was generally agreed at House of Lime that this was not a highly successful Fat Tuesday as les bontemps did not rouler when it came to fastnachts. Live and learn...

31 comments:

Cocotte said...

You are one brave Lime! That was fun to watch.

misticblu said...

What a treat!!!!!!!!!
our lime has a nice voice. Not near as yank as i would have thought.

I did your potato scramble the same day you posted. It was a life saver since i usually see you after work and before dinner so that worked great. I added broccoli and used olive oil and egg beaters to be heart healthy.

Today i see you before breakfast and want fried dough badly right now. or badly fried dough. either one would do.
Thank you for the visuals!

barman said...

I love your videos and found it interesting just watching you wake up. While you do like nicer after said shower... you look fine once you woke up. I can not even imagine trying to film anything at that hour of the day.

I was thinking maybe your oil was to hot or something but what on earth do I know. I made fried chicken once and the entire hot oil experience ... well lets just say I have never done it again. You are a mighty brave woman.

You know at least now you have the recipe down to what you want to do. That is a big part of the battle. You will get it all figured out. Now if only you can move that 4 am to at least 8 am if not later...

My fat Tuesday was filled with Paczkis. Yummy but I kept it to two because I did not want to have that brick experience you mentioned in you post.

I think we are going to have to toss this series of videos into next years grammys as a documentary. They do have awards for that, don't they?

Once again, lovely and thanks for being so brave and sharing.

(M)ary said...

i had VEGGIE SALAD on Fat Tuesday. groan! now i am going to get a cup of coffee and watch your videos!!

g-man said...

I dunno....
Unbathed...Smell's a little like Crisco?
Thats kinda HOT!!!
We could bottle that...Eau deLime!

(M)ary said...

ahhhh....i wondered what your magic trick of deep fat frying on the kitchen stove would be! i have never gotten the trick to that. my mother bought an actual fryer and that seemed to work well but what did cooks do in the days before marketers invented kitchen gadgets?

EmBee said...

*In the voice of Homer Simpson*
"MMMMMmmm, deep fried nipples, aagghhhhhhhhh!"

I'd ask for the recipe but I have a feeling those treats would be the death of my low-carb diet.
:-(

Desmond Jones said...

What a treat to see you in action! Hear your voice, and all that! I have to say, I admire your devotion to your family and the Tradition; I've heard rumors that there was another 4-o'clock early in the morning, but my actual experience with it is quite limited.

And thanks for the, uh, undergarment update. Don't know how Id've gotten thru my day without knowing that. . . ;)

S said...

Like Bryan, I was thinking your oil was too hot.
But also, make holes and use a smaller glass so that the donuts are smaller.

What the hell am I talking about? I dont eat that stuff, and I just gained 5 pounds watching you fastnnacht along!

Ack ack, my heart.....pound pound.

True dedication to tradition, Lime! I cant help but wonder how your kids are dragging around school today with 4 dozen 'snacts in their tummies!

S said...

PS Thanks for the suggestion about a math tutor. That's a brilliant idea, I need one too.

And yes, when I write that letter to NWA, I will glowingly mention "Mayla", the only nice stewardess on NWA!

Cheesy said...

Oh what a treat! The only 2cents I would add is to maybe use a deeper pot for the frying as the oil that they fried in was too close to the burner? Yes it would require more oil but I think you would be happier with the results.
I use a heavy bottomed dutch pot for any deep fried goods.

I could almost taste the sweet powdery goodness!
I love early morning cooking so next year you make the dough I'll fry them up? grin grin

Cheesy said...

PS I love the word magnets on the fridge... fyi--when you start to get visits from wee ones keep them on top or you will get calls at diaper changing time. My daughter-in-law called me and said...
"You have influenced the girls- they are making poetry in their pants"..

mssolitaire said...

I can't wait to watch these with sound!!! :) Haha! Wonderful idea and yes, very brave! :) You are lovely anytime of day my dear!

Jazz said...

Not only does she get up at 4:00 to cook, she also films herself doing it.

You are a braver woman than I, and those look scrumptious. Mmmmmmmmm

Moannie said...

Something was wrong with the video link on my box, Lime...I hope the white mouse didn't get too near the boiling fat. What dedication to get up at that hour and to suffer all day for it.

Suldog said...

I have severe nostril cramps!

Oh, wait a minute, you asked to be notified if I had something else. Never mind.

Suldog said...

Ah! Your bit about the hole in the donut made something click in my head! That's why the hole is in the donut, isn't it? To help with the cooking! D'Oh!

And you are lovely in the morning, my dear. Any woman who is willing to get up at 4am to cook for her loved ones is lovely, no matter what she looks like.

(And you look fine, too, so there!)

Hilary said...

Lime, you're a sweetie! You got up early to prepare this for your family. You captured it on video for your blog family. What an entertaining few minutes this was. Thanks for putting all that effort into a wonderful post.

When is the tie-dye tutorial? ;)

Kat said...

I think you look shockingly good for 4 in the morning. I can't describe to you what I look like at 4 in the morning. Yipes.
I hope your family appreciated your sacrifice. :)

Fortress Guinness said...

give that woman her own show...!!! (^_^)

i somehow managed to bypass Pancake Day altogether here...even though i love them dearly...i'll have have combinations of sugar, cornish ice cream, golden syrup, and fresh lemon on mine...hell, i'd even have all of those together on a pancake given the right circumstances...!!!

ok now i'm REALLY hungry...and it's oooohhh...1.15am right now...!!! yikes...!!!

Beach Bum said...

That was totally awesome. From you waking up to the cooking I was fascinated. Cooking by itself is a pain but adding to the effort by filming it, now that is motivation. Thanks for a great show and post.

coopernicus said...

Before you said it, I was thinking how much better it would be with the holes...would definitely cook better.

And why do none of them have a chocolate glaze????

citizen of the world said...

Um, was it all worth it?

NYD said...

How so very brave to face a cauldron of hot oil while still only half asleep. Next time you must get the one person in your home who loves those cardio-constrictors the most to at least hold the camera while you are making them.

Next time go comanndo!

Pouty Lips said...

Hot oil yikes!
I made a mini-movie of my granddaughter and I making chocolate chip cookies together (she is 5) and it was precious and hilarious. My son won't let me post it because he doesn't want her on the Internet. Maybe I don't blame him. It's so cute though she says, "then you roll the dough like silly puddy..." She knows what that is from her grandie showing her. Memories. Thanks.

Mona said...

Great Video!

Jocelyn said...

You are adorable, and it feels like a rare pleasure to get to SEE you in action, after the years of reading you.

And to tell you true, I think you're even cuter before the shower.

I have to say that, lest my own hygiene habits suffer a crisis.

RennyBA said...

Finally, finally, finally I've seen you in the kitchen and you act like a pro. You know I imagine myself being there with you! Thanks for sharing your cooking and experiences. I'm afraid I can't give you any advice. Maybe you should check with Diane ;-)

Btw: I think I saw the Troll there too :-)

Lulda Casadaga said...

lime: I award you an academy...or something like that...oh, braveheart to wake up so early and to video yourself...bravo ole girl! It was so nice to hear your voice. I suppose puttin a hole in em will be the best route to take next year! :) Will we see more livelime?

San said...

Michelle, you are so cute! When do you get your own cooking show? "The Lime-off." Or??? You would come up with something much more clever.

Now I am salivating for some fried dough. I'm good at digesting bricks.

Moosekahl said...

You are an amazing woman! I know how late you were up making the dough b/c it was late here when we were chatting. That's a bummer about the dough. I have used varied doughs for making Indian Fried Bread and had the same problem. For them, I found the key to getting the middles done was pulling the dough way thinner than you thought you should. Rolling donut dough that thin though might make for weird donuts.