DISCLAIMER: Viewing of the following video clips may be a hazard to your health. Creating them was certainly a hazardous undertaking considering the sleep deprivation endured and the presence of boiling oil. Do not attempt to recreate these scenes at home. The filmmaker is highly untrained and just look what happened to her! Viewing these scenes or overindulging in fastnachts may result in delirium, tics and twitches, brain damage, simple chronic halitosis, acne, psychosis, beri beri, tingling in the earlobes, severe nostril cramps, and terminal nail fungus. Erections lasting over 4 hours should be referred to the blog author immediately.
As you know, on Tuesday I got up well before dawn to fry up Fastnachts for Fat Tuesday. If that's not shocking enough to those who know how much I hate early mornings, prepare to be amazed. I also filmed the process in segments all so you lovely people could bask in the horror of my very unlovely 4 am self. Of course I am assuming you all are fans of horror. I apologize to those readers/viewers possessing a more delicate constitution. There are 5 videos because I have no idea whatsoever how to edit them into a single clip but don't worry, they are all mercifully brief. So without further ado...
Good grief, check the bags under those eyes...and the squint. Look away!
Next, the rolling and cutting.
Such eloquence, really. And I am sure Grammy did not use a New York Giants Pilsner glass being the temperate woman she was.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, she fires them. This is a truly death defying feat as she scoops fastnachts into the hot oil with one hand and works the camera with the other. What was she thinking? It was before dawn...she wasn't thinking at all...except perhaps, "Oh, my bed would feel sooooo nice right now." But on the upside, she's finally got more than dime slits for eyes.
Little did I know any nausea induced by the camera work would be far exceeded by the wretched indigestion after eating a bunch of these for breakfast and throughout the day. I now know what it feel like to digest bricks.
Here is the 25 second clip that will horrify the well mannered everywhere.
I demonstrate the edibility of the fastnachts and talk with a mouthful. That Lime, she is one classy chick.
In defense of my sense of decorum, I at least put a bra on before coming into the kitchen. I could say it was for the sake of propriety but really it is because the pain associated with accidentally deep frying my nipples if I leaned over the frying pan was a greater motivator.
Finally, after I was awake for a few hours and had a chance to make myself presentable I evaluate the results. Basically I figured if I was going to put up those earlier and far more horrific clips I had to end with something where I at least looked like a member of the human race.
To add further commentary, the excessive number of fastnachts I consumed wound up sitting in my gut like doughy bricks for the rest of the day. It was generally agreed at House of Lime that this was not a highly successful Fat Tuesday as les bontemps did not rouler when it came to fastnachts. Live and learn...