Monday, March 09, 2009

Marital Madness Meme

It's official. I have done so many memes I cannot take real surveys seriously any more. Diana came home with an interview assignment from health class. She handed me the form and asked me to fill it out. I so wanted to shred it like I do most lists of questions but since it would have negatively impacted her grade to do so I am just releasing my madness on the blogosphere.

How did you and your partner meet?
In prison

How long were you and your partner together before marriage?
We knew each other for half a Martian year, though we found out through astral readings that in a prior life we had been gladiators engaged in combat.

How long were you engaged for?
We were conceived in a lab by scientists running a longitudinal study in genetic and social engineering, therefore betrothed in theory before conception.

What is the age difference between you and your partner?
Roughly 20 Mercury years

Do you have any children?
Is that who these extra people are walking around eating all my food and messing up the place?

If so how long were you together before your first child?
Long enough to be impregnated...so what? Like 5 minutes?

How and why did you decide to have children or not to have children?
They just sorta showed up.

What do/did you do when you are not working or when you are spending time together?
Determining which foods provide the greatest entertainment value when inserted into nostrils

What is your happiest memory/moment/vacation?
Memory: The week we spent gutting and redoing the only bathroom in the house when the kids were small was such a time of harmony and peace.
Moment: The time the kids marched up and down the alley waving parts of a deer carcass was a pure Norman Rockwell moment.
Vacation: Spending two days of our honeymoon at his mother's was so utterly romantic and special.

What do/did you have in common with your partner?
Well, the scientists had a little goof in the lab so we both have a third nipple.

Do/did you get along with your in-laws?
As long as the payments are timely

What style of discipline do you use for your children and who deals with discipline?
We have outsourced that to the oompa-loompahs.

Did you and your partner agree on the same discipline style for your children?
Do you mean before or after we had children?

32 comments:

Cocotte said...

OK - now I want to see the real answers!

citizen of the world said...

Wait a minute - there was a time when you took survey questions seriously?

snowelf said...

When I'm shoving food up my nostrils, I like to go with sweet potatoes.

I'm just sayin'

--snow

lime said...

cocotte, they aren't nearly as interesting

citizen, it was a very looooong time ago

snowelf, this is an answer loosely based in reality. i have a picture of mr. lime with a grape up his nose and one of him and all three kids sporting penne pasta sprouting from their noses.

g-man said...

These aren't real answers??

Hilary said...

I think the health teacher has been doing too many memes too. Thanks for the morning laugh. I didn't snort too much coffee in the process.

Desmond Jones said...

Yeah, I'm with Citizen; when have you ever taken one of these things seriously?

Marking time in 'alternate planetary years'. . . impressive. . .

And, uh, kids "just sorta showed up". . . I SO know what you mean. . . ;)

And that 'mawwiage' bit from 'Princess Bride'. . . my kids recite that endlessly, ad nauseam . . . (*sigh*)

The Zombieslayer said...

Nice.

I'm convinced my wife is Narnian. Would make more sense.

KFarmer said...

Loved it! For some reason I could picture you giving Diana those answers and she turning them in... :)

Craver Vii said...

Do you have to send the scientists flowers and cards every year? That'll be the next Hallmark holiday. "For the bio-engineer in your life..." "Have you hugged your DNA manipulator lately?"

S said...

Oh boy! Love those answers. I may not do this on my blog, I can be soooo cruel.

BTW Mendhi takes at least an hour to dry, then you have to rub it all off, then not wash hands for way too long. Not washing hands in India is kinda icky...but if you do the mendhi wont darken.
Black henna takes like 3-4 hours to dry....and what a mess. I wont do black ever again.

S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Moannie said...

I loved the answers because they were so funny, and I think if 'someone who thinks they are in authority' sent me this questionaire I would have treated them in the same cavaliere fashion. I have just sent off for some catalogues for clothing for the -ahem-larger woman, and they all wanted to know my age...I mean, what the fleck does my age have to do with the size of my hips..I should have lied and said ninety two.

NYD said...

Now you've got me wonderin about Martian years and how I can convert earth time to Mars time.

Desmond Jones said...

Oh, and. . . two days of your honeymoon at your MIL's. . . please tell me you were kidding on that one, too. . .

Jazz said...

This is a serious survey for class? You gotta be kidding me. I'd've just wrote: none of your damn business on it.

I'M a bitch that way.

Cheesy said...

oh
my
gawd


Loving the alley image!
And I think I speak for all... we want picture proof on the 3rd nipples~

Suldog said...

It's positively scary how much your answers to those questions match the very ones I would have given. Even though I definitely still want to have that drink with you next time you're in the area, it's probably best if we never meet. I think the universe might implode.

mssolitaire said...

LMAO!!!!!!!! Oh how wonderful it is to have fun! :D

Kat said...

Hehehe.
Your memes are always the best. :)

furiousBall said...

adopt me please

VE said...

Sweet! Jelly beans are great nostril food because if you blow out just right they partially pop down with their dramatic color and freak people out. Not that I personally know about this mind you...

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Hasn't everyone got 3 nipples?

(M)ary said...

can we make this into a "Newlywed Game" sort of meme? how would Mr Lime answer the questions? ( not as enterainingly as you do, I am sure!)

tsduff said...

When you hear back from the Oompa-Loompas please let me know what they said. Inquiring minds want to know :)

lime said...

gman, a couple of them are ;)

hilary, i hope the coffee didn't burn your sinuses

desmond, i do love 'the princess bride' and i am afriad i really did spend two days of my honeymoon at my MILs....truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.

zs, narnian! now THAT would have been a great answer!

kfarmer, i was sooooo tempted

craver, if they can make a buck off it they will

s, do it! do it!

moannie, i get annoyed by this stuff too.

nyd, google is a wonderful thing but apparently there is quite a spirited debate over the accurate conversion of earth to martian time.

jazz, intrusive buggers those teachers can be

cheesy, the alley image is also a true story

suldog, you realize i am now compelled to tempt fate and risk universe implosion

mssolitaire, indeed it is

kat, why thank you

furiousball, will you keep your room clean, eat all your vegetables, and give me hugs without rolling your eyes or stiff arming me?

ve, that is quite an image you have painted

cheerful, i dunno. i haven't done an extensive survey

mary, it is interesting to consider...

tsduff, they just danced around and sent the kids through a chute

truckdriver_sefl said...

The children just sorta showed up!! LOL!!

DianeCA said...

Your sarcasm kills me! God I do hope it was sarcasm.....

Logophile said...

Can I get the phone number for the oompa loopmas?

RennyBA said...

I love your sense of humour and therefore the way you answered too ;-)

Jocelyn said...

I'll bet your real answers were interesting to your girl, though. We always want some of that "inside" information about our parents, don't we? Even if it means using the words "third nipple."

Moosekahl said...

MWAH!!! LOVE IT!