Friday, April 17, 2009

Friday 55-Sweet Release

It's anchored between my thighs
in an inescapable vise-like grip.
My hands clutch it
trying to work toward release
yet direct things
so I won't be splattered.
I grunt and groan in exertion
struggling for satisfaction.
Tension mounts.
Finally, I feel something begin to give way...
a satisfying pop...
and the jar lid comes off.


(Yep, that's how I open jars now since Janita lacks some of the strength she used to have. Go tell
G-man if you wrote a 55 today.)

41 comments:

Dr.John said...

I loved it so much I had to read it to my wife.
She says you need an electric jar opener like we have.

Suldog said...

Until that last line... well, you know me.

Jazz said...

I was wondering if you'd gone all X-rated on us, then I figured naw.. she's just teasing.

Shadow said...

yeah, i knew there was a reason i keep the husband around, heee heee heee. nice one!

NYD said...

Ya know, I have been known to name a body part or two- not necessarily my own, but it always was a different appendage.

How did you keep the contents from squirting out from between your thighs???

furiousBall said...

i usually poop a little in my pants when i do that

Craver Vii said...

Good for you; that looks like it would be effective. Unfortunately, "man code" forbids me from using that technique, except as a last resort, but never in front of another male. If a jar cannot be opened, it is probably more acceptable to buy a new jar, than to admit defeat. Still, I have never met a jar I couldn't open. (series of man grunts)

Desmond Jones said...

That 'satisfying pop'. . . very few things any happier than that. . .

Ummmm. . . what were we talking about?

Delightful. . .

Cocotte said...

Ever get paranoid, thinking you didn't hear it pop, which means you should just throw it away?

Or is it just me?

lecram said...

I want to know what was in the jar. ;) Cheers!

Ananda girl said...

Hi. Newbee here. I am assuming that Friday 55 is poetry? Great one! I do not have your trouble, but manage to war bitterly with jars anyway. Sad but true. Thanks so much for stopping by Oodles of Funch! A pleasure for me. Big smile.

lime said...

dr john, glad you found it worthy to share.i had no idea there was such a thing as an electric jar opener

suldog, gotcha ;)

jazz, tsk tsk tsk, lol

shadow, they can be helpful that way

nyd, feel free to share your names, :P i tipped it up so it didn't dribble down

furiousball, you have stock in depends?

craver, i learn all sorts of things about the "man code" from you. is my husband violating it when he passes the sticky jars to me?

desmond, satisfying pops of course!

cocotte, can't say as i have because you can feel it as well as hear it.

lecram, spaghetti sauce

ananda, friday 55 is about writing a complete story in 55 words. it can be in poetry form or not. silly or serious. those who participate let gman know at his site. feel free to join the fun if you are so inclined.

S said...

I can so relate! I cannot use a can opener either.

It did sound very sexy for a minute there!

:)

Craver Vii said...

"...is my husband violating (man code) it when he passes the sticky jars to me?"Not if he's doing it because he wants to see your unorthodox method, or if he can get a suggestive poem out of it. In that case a husband actually EARNS man points by trading good for better. ;-)

jadey said...

lol love your wit and this post is great. Have a great weekend. My 55 is up.

Maddy said...

You need one of those little rubber thingies......you know the ones......little star shaped brightly coloured disc that really get a grip!
Cheers

mssolitaire said...

LMAO! I was wondering about your new fancy way of opening jars! :)

Happy Friday!

Voyager said...

Friday 55 is new to me, but I love yours. I was starting to think porn before I realized it was a jar of pickles or something.
V.

Desmond Jones said...

It's all about the friction. . .

Akelamalu said...

LOL I had a feeling it would be a jar. Great 55. Mine's up too.

I know a trick to unscrew a lid off a jar - hold it under a hot tap for a few seconds then try it. Let me know if it works for you. :)

gab said...

With arthritis even trying to do it that way is hard for me. Oh and lets not forget my back injury wont even let me stand like that. (ps I was thinking something else at first till I actually looked at the pic snicker)

for a different kind of girl said...

Based on experience, I'd have to add a line about praying I didn't spill it when success was finally achieved!

g-man said...

Everyone thinks it's just a jar of applesauce, but I can spot a metaphor when I see one...;-)

Thanks for this "Twisty" 55 Trini.

(get it? twisty) hehehehe

Have a Great Week-End...Galen

lime said...

s, for different reason though, eh?

craver, LOL, thanks for the clarification on that point.

jadey, glad you enjoyed.

maddy, i do have one of those. sometimes i have to use that AND my thigh master grip

solitaire, i figured inquiring minds wanted to know ;)

voyager, just my own cheekiness. glad to have you visit

desmond, indeed!

akelamelu, yes, i know that can loosen it at times, thanks

gab, eeesh, hand it off to mr. gab!

fadkog, lol, well, i did allude to that

gman, come on baby, let's do the twist...

Mona said...

LOL! That was a clever twist in the end! I love this 55ve ;D

~Tim said...

Splatter isn't always a bad thing....

citizen of the world said...

I have a kitchen tool that has a grippy thing to open jars. No thighs required.

tsduff said...

What a crack up! I just got off on the picture - had to go back and read the poem. When Missy, did you lose all that weight? You look Fabulous.

BTW - I wear your shirt 3 times a week or more - it is my absolute fav.xoxoxoxoxoxox

Eaton Bennett said...

Good job I saw the photo before I read the 55...LOL. Clever! :))

Moosekahl said...

You need a jar rubber! Looks like a hot pad but it's made of rubber and thinner. Makes it easier!

Cheesy said...

LMAO @ furious!

I am always glad if I know the jar doesn't need to be stored ..then I can pop a hole in the lid first!
I too rely on the rubber grippy do-dad when all else fails. I have been thinking of getting my mom one of those electric openers. I wonder if they work?

Hilary said...

Ah too funny. So well done. :) I keep those wide elastic bands that come with broccoli for stubborn jar lids.

Fred said...

I never heard of the expression "lefty loosey righty tighty" until I met The Missus. Pliers always worked best for me.

Love the picture.

lime said...

mona, i love a good twist ;)

tim, depends upon the situation but true enough

citizen, i have been hearing of these mysterious things

tsduff, thank you! actually i recently topped out at my all time heaviest weight. i think i just stumbled upon a flattering camera angle. so glad you love the shirt so much. as for the other question, i regained feeling in all my fingers after a long while. the numbness from practicing starts in the wrist and works up to the fingers.

eaton, glad you enjoyed

moose, i do have a couple of those, sometimes i need a rubber when i put things between my thighs ;)

cheesy..hhmm... good idea, i hadn't thought of that

hilary, another great idea i never thought of!

fred, it's a good little mneumonic

ed said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
S said...

Wow it was worth coming back here just to check out eds posting! LOL
Wonder wtf he's saying?

Well, yeah, I thought I should clarify that i cannot do cartwheels because I dislocated my hip once while dancing in a bar in Seattle, and a cartwheel stretches that ligament beyond what is comfortable.
A lot of stuff went down for me in Seattle, as you know! :P

And I cannot open a can because I have a problem with my right thumb/hand joint thingy because of frequent use, ie sewing all my life.
And I cannot play the guitar simply because I am not musically inclimed (ha ha) and I am left handed anyway.

But no I never fell offa zipline, thank goodness! I just have old lady injuries aches and pains. Afterall I outsenior you by 8 years.

:P

(Me and the Ratburn are burning through a bottle of whiskey right now, can you tell? I oughta be in great shape for the market in....eeek! 6 hours!)

Have a lovely Sunday! I know I will.

jinksy said...

You took the lid off my laugh jar with no problem, anyway! Loved this post...

Ella said...

TAG...you're it!

Jocelyn said...

Funny, I just call mine "Rosalie." But "the jar" works just as well.

RennyBA said...

Could you open my bottle of champagne - please ;-)

SandyCarlson said...

You describe it so well!