Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics (and Maybe Some Truth)

I've seen Michelle H., Suldog, and Cricket each do this meme. While none of them has explicitly tagged me there have been hints that I might perhaps be able to cook up some interesting lies. Since not one of them has quite followed the same pattern so I'm off the hook for any kind of rules. I'll just be tossing out some statements, both outrageous and mundane. It's up to you to determine which ones, if any, are true. I'm anxious to see your guesses and will reveal if any, all, or none of the statements are true later in the week. No tags on this one but if you want to play fast and loose with the truth or unburden your soul with some wild confessions have at it...and and let me know so I can come see.

1. When I was 5 I threw myself out of a tree in an attempt to break my leg so I could have a cast like my best friend had. I was sorely disappointed to merely twist my ankle.

2. I slept on the porch of the governor's mansion on Mackinac Island, Michigan.

3. I have only mowed a lawn once in my life and it was only so I could have a place to sleep that night. I did the job poorly due to my inexperience and I am sure the folks thought I was just being sloppy and didn't care, but I really did try my best.

4. In college I was stopped by a photographer as I was leaving class one day. He ran over to me and begged me to pose for him simply because I didn't have bangs. I was a student back in the 80s when that scary mall hair fad was all the rage. You know the style, the one where girls teased and curled their bangs and used an entire can of Aquanet to make them stand up like a threatening claw. Well, I never succumbed to that and it served me well because the money I made posing for that guy put me through the rest of my time at college. If I'd been a slave to fashion I'd still be paying student loans.

5. I'm a book burner who has encouraged others to join in this activity.

6. I was part of a carload of gringos who drove in the Chapare region of Bolivia. The Chapare is one of the main producers of cocaine in the world. After passing through one of the open air markets where I was told cocaine is sold like flour we went swimming in a local river. I was more nervous about swimming in the river than by being conspicuously American in that part of the world. My reluctance was due to a misunderstanding about the level of pollution in the river. I thought the local guy we spoke to said it was highly contaminated due to the cocaine production. What I misunderstood was that he was speaking in the past tense but reassuring our local hosts the river was no longer in such bad shape but was now safe.

7. I once shared a hot spring in Yellowstone National Park with Christie Brinkley.

8. On a trip to England I succeeded in getting a Beefeater at Buckingham Palace to crack up during the changing of the guard. Then I watched him get a right proper dressing down from a superior.

9. During the processional into the stadium for my high school graduation I wore a pair of those gigantically over sized sunglasses even though it was strictly forbidden. When I got caught I talked my way out of having to give them up then donned them again once the coast was clear. It was my way of expressing my displeasure over the stupidity of school administrators who felt the need to hold the ceremony in a much smaller venue than normal (thus limiting the number of guests who could attend) only so they could show it off because it was new. My mother and grandparents were mortified. My father beamed with pride.

10. I have a strange birthmark on my right butt cheek. Since I knew I was adopted I used to imagine, when I was little, that it marked me as the daughter of a princess who would find me after years of searching and I'd be able to prove I was royalty by mooning the king.

11. The first time I got pulled over by a cop while I was driving I was 14 years old.

12. I was once offered $200 to eat calamari...one of the pieces that actually looks like a mini octopus. I.could.not.do.it. Just couldn't get that thing past my lips. Not for $200. Not for $2000. Yes, I just heard the collective gasp of all of you calamari lovers out there.

13. I did lick ice cream off the kitchen floor once when I was pregnant though. Cravings, ya know? I dropped my hot fudge sundae on the floor. We had no more ice cream. I was desperate.

14. I was frisked and threatened by armed military in Caracas, Venezuela because I took a picture in the airport.

15. I once aspired to being a parametrician.