Sunday, August 01, 2010


Over the weekend, Calypso and I picked up a book called Would You Rather...?: Over 200 Absolutely Absurd Dilemmas to Ponder.   We couldn't resist when we read questions like "Would you rather have a ketchup dispensing navel or a pencil sharpening nostril?"  Personally, I'd go for a  ketchup navel because that could be handy at cookouts but the pencil shavings in my sinuses might be bothersome.  We howled over a lot of the options then began generating a few of our own.

Would you rather...

Have uncontrollably loud, and frequent flatulence that smelled like a popular perfume
Never pass gas, always be impeccably groomed, but forever have B.O. that smells like an open sewer?


Have to hear the same song (Muskrat Love by The Captain & Tenille) 24 hours a day for a week
Eat the same meal three times a day for a week (tofu hot dogs and canned peas)?


Suffer from the delusion that you are  the reincarnation of Abraham Lincoln/Queen Victoria
Have your significant other believe you are the alter ego of Spiderman/Wonder Woman?


Have a  mariachi band follow you wherever you go
Be required, anytime your date enters a room, to announce him/her in the style of a professional wrestler?


Dress like Dumb Donald and have Einstein's smarts
Look like Amy Winehouse and have Mother Theresa's compassion?


Sit through a performance of Hamlet done in pig latin
Listen to the cast of Jersey Shore provide literary analysis on Shakespeare?


Try to eat BBQ ribs and corn on the cob while wearing mittens
Only be allowed to dial your cell phone with your toes?


Be able to read everyone's mind
Have your own thoughts broadcast on the big screen in Times Square?


Now it's your turn!
Answer in the comments and feel free to contribute your own crazy conundrums for the rest of us to consider.


Jocelyn said...

Just because I want to picture your future holiday gatherings, I have to also point out that there's a board game of this thing. Oh, and we're taking our WOULD YOU RATHER in my purse on the flight on's that entertaining!

This book seems so totally made for you it's scary.

Jazz said...

Given the choice between tofu dogs and muskrat love, I'd definitely go with the dogs...

Cricket said...

Hmmm... I've pondered 1a before. So did Benjamin Franklin.

I'd eat BBQ ribs and corn on the cob every day for a week, even with mittens.

Extreme Grossness Alert! Once, during a chemically-enhanced college rap session, I hit a friend with this poser: For a million dollars cash, would you drink a tall, frosty glass of diarrhea? His response: My own, or someone else's? (Bleah)

Yep. That's why they call it "dope."

Cooper said...

would you rather....

have sex everyday with Rev. Al Sharpton
live in celibacy on the planet of naked hugh jackmans


Logophile said...

Cooper's questions is just cruel.

funny stuff

Craver Vii said...

Are you suggesting that my exhaust fumes do NOT smell like perfume??

I would definitely rather read other people's minds than have them know what bizarre and disgusting things happen between my ears.

g-man said...

ootay Eebay Oryay Otnay ootay EEbay. Atthay isyay uhthay estionquay?

Rockray Onyay Initray...:-)

Suldog said...

That's just hilarious stuff, Lime. I would love nothing more than to give you my considered opinions concerning each set of choices, but if my boss walks by and see me writing a treatise on farting...

I'll contribute a choice, though:

Would you rather be a gigantic peanut in a room full of squirrels, or a blow-up doll in a 350-pound sweaty virgin computer geek's motel room?

Ugh. That one grosses ME out and I thought of it...

secret agent woman said...

My kids have this board game at their Dad's house but before it came out, we'd been playing our own version of this dinner-time game for years.

EmBee said...

So okay, would you rather be unable to bathe but have all clean clothes to wear?


Be able to bathe but only have filthy clothes to wear?

Not sure where that came from, guess because I should be doing laundry right now.

S said...

I try to not make decisions such as these on a too regular basis.

(M)ary said...

1) perfumed but loud farts
2) eating the same meal over and over. I often do that anyway
3) oh yeah, I want to be Wonder Woman in someone else's delusion. I would play along! Didn't she have a lasso and a cool cape?
4) marachi band following me around. 24/7 dance music...
5) amy whinehouse with mother theresa compassion...
6) amletHay inway igpay atinlay 'otay ebay orway otnay otay ebay!'

(M)ary said...

To fall in love with someone who doesn't love you or to have someone you don't love fall in love with you?

There is my question....

snowelf said...

I am so touched by your Da Count post this week.

Ugh just the thought of pencil shavings in my nostrils makes me shudder!! ewwww!!


Hilary said...

This is hilarious.. leave it to you.

Sign me up for ribs and corn and the Mariachi band. And please excuse the perfume.

Dave said...

Would you rather be wealthy or happy? There's one for you Michelle. - Dave

jillsy said...

what a hoot! I'll be pondering these for days now although #1 is easy ~ definitely the perfume!

here's one:

listen to fingers scraping a chalkboard for an hour or being locked in a room full of screaming toddlers for 5 hours?

choochoo said...

I would do the loud farting. I'd just bring the pooch with me everywhere and blame it on her.

Bill said...

I'd rather have a drink in front of me than a frontal lobotomy...