Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Joys of the Job Hunt

These are actual job listings I have found.  As Dave Barry says, "I am not making this up."

In order to qualify for unemployment in my state I am required to search for jobs through a statewide database for jobs.  It sounds so much more helpful than it is.  For example, based on the resume I posted and the questionnaire I filled out the program algorithms have determined I should apply to be a Physical Therapist.  This is a job requiring a Master's Degree (I don't have one in any field, let alone PT) and licensure by the State Board of Physical Therapy (I don't have that either) and  yet, this is the job I am advised to apply for.  Brilliant application of technology here.

Next we come to a listing from a local school district (a miracle in itself due to massive budget shortfalls and ensuing lay-offs).  The position is for a Chemnistry teacher (sic).  This is a local school district which very arrogantly proclaims its superiority to the other districts in the area.  Uh-huh...moving on...

A bit further down the page I see a listing for a preschool teacher.  The employer requires various certifications and there must be several security clearances and for all this professional preparation the generous salary of $7.75/hour.  That's right folks, for just 50 cents above the minimum wage they expect to attract a loving, creative, energetic professional who provides youngsters a strong foundation to begin their academic lives....oh, and to tolerate being a human hankie.

Next I decided to move off the State website and search local school district websites.  I found one district page that was designed entirely using the comic sans font.  Yet, I am the one who is supposed to be concerned about presenting a professional demeanor.  The web designer needs to be fired.

And there are people wondering why education doesn't attract the best and brightest....

19 comments:

Hilary said...

7.75 to look after pre-schoolers? Seriously? Home daycare is/can be far more lucrative .. albeit exhausting.

Uncle Skip, said...

Chemnistry would be taught by a chemnister ...right?
My experience with folks at the Employment Development Department taught me one thing. They have no idea that other people actually have to work and that some skills are usually required.

~Dragonfly~* said...

I've always proclaimed...just pay me babysitting wages!!, I'd be making a hell of a lot more money!!!!! Masters Degree or not!

Bijoux said...

I'm guessing a nationwide data base for jobs would qualify you for a spot on the senate. Lime 2014!!!

coopernicus said...

Maybe they need an Emnglish teacher

Sailor said...

I don't even dare to begin commenting on the spelling, nor the $$ paid... nor the idiocy of the database you mention...

No, I'll merely ask again, to the world (or you anyway), what is it, about "Comic Sans" that makes usually normal people go freaky? That font was bad when introduced, is bad now, and shows no sign of going away... shuddddddddeer.

Logophile said...

I think you would be a great physical therapist and a really great chemnistry teacher.

Chemniscism isn't my personal strength, but I bet you'd be great at it :p

Oh lordy. The required job search requirement makes sense on some level but we have had MANY of these conversations at my house over the summer, as you can no doubt imagine.
Be brave!

Stephen Hayes said...

I don't know if this is relevant, but I've never been hired to do a job I was qualified to do. I've always faked it until I knew what I was doing.

Suldog said...

This reminds me of the story Bob Newhart told about his time working at the unemployment office. He was receiving $55 a week. He found out that if he were unemployed, he would receive $45 a week. So he figured that he was coming into work for forty hours every week in order to make ten bucks, so he quit and collected unemployment.

Cricket said...

Well, at least it wasn't the "Dear Teacher" font... now that would be something.

You could always move to China... I hear they're hiring.

Craig said...

Well, you kmnow, the 'm' and the 'n' are right mnext to each other omn the keyboard. . . Or maybe they want to hire someone from the city formerly known as Karl-Marx-Stadt. . .

Jen has a degree in Child Development, and when she re-entered the for-pay workforce a few years back, she was immediately qualified to work in whatever daycare center she wanted. And then she found out that she could make THREE TIMES AS MUCH cleaning houses for rich suburban ladies. . . And I'm not making that up, either. . .

Daryl said...

i remember all too well the inane job ads i had to look at as part of collecting unemployment back in the mid-90s when the economy was somewhat better than it is now ... 99% of the time the ads/jobs were like those you got .. and then there were the few that were better suited to my skills ... one of my favorite interviews (at a company called General Data Management, the position was office manager/jill of all trades) ended on this note:

Interviewer: I see you have a creative side
Me: Yes I did once work in theatre production
Interviewer: Well, we have a very specific way we prefer our reports written/printed ... would you have a problem with that?
Me: No
Interviewer: You wouldn't want to print it on colored paper, would you?
Me: Well .... thank you for your time, I am afraid you're right, I would find it hard not to want to use colored paper ...

Craig said...

Snorting coffee out my nose @ Daryl. That darn colored paper is just so damn tempting, ain't it?

Reminds me of the time, years ago, when our engineering dept. was trying to hire someone to manage our engineering computer system, which had a quirky, unusual mix of hardware/software. A guy CAME TO US from a company for whom he was already running the exact same quirky mix. Since it was, technically, a computer job, our IT dept. had to sign off on him, but they turned him down because he DIDN'T KNOW COBOL, which had NOTHING to do with running our engineering system, but, you know, the IT Dept. had a policy that all our computer jocks had to know COBOL. . .

Sorry for the verbosity. . .

;)

Beach Bum said...

Several years ago I became interested in entering the information technology field and got a certificate in IT from the local community college. After many fruitless attempts to find such a job in the private sector I started looking for an IT job with the state government.

Even though the state government was paying next to nothing for the entry level positions at a minimum they wanted a four-year degree. I did get a few interviews and while I never got an IT job I did get one guy to open up about how they filled those positions.

It had nothing really to do with the applicant having a four year degree but more about who that person knew already working in the state government.

Barbara Shallue said...

This made me laugh, although I should probably be crying over it! Yikes! Good luck!

Secret Agent Woman said...

Go for the Chemnistry job. You could have so much fun filling out that application.

Dave said...

Aren't bureaucrats wonderful? Most of them probably never had any brains to start with, not to mention their condition now. You have my sympathy with your job-hunting - Dave

Jenny Woolf said...

Sounds like they could reduce the unemployment statistics by a few in hiring some professinals to deal with this database and the presentations.

Kat said...

Oh good grief. So ridiculous.