Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Meme: The Movie!

Well, it's a rather late post today but this filmmaking is hard work. I promised I'd cast anyone who wanted to be cast in this bit of absurdism, so here goes.



coopernicus said...Can I be the cranky yet benign curmudgeon with the heart of gold of whom everyone is intimidated except the mysterious purple haired maiden who wanders into town to save the local dog catcher from making a fatal mistake with a guinea pig?

You bet yer bippy. I aim to please. Wilford Brumley will play your part. You've become a curmudgeon because of your job as the local dog catcher. You are haunted by that tragic day when you herded up all the local guinea pigs thinking they were prairie dogs (ya know, what with being a "dog" catcher and all) and had them euthanized.



San said... Lime's gonna put me in the movies. She's gonna make a big star out of me. And all I gotta do is act naturally. You bet, babe. Cast me as someone outlandish. Cast me as a villain. Cast me as a vixen. Cast me as a dead body lying in a coffin. Just cast me, baby. Cast me.

Well San, be careful what you wish for. I'm wrapping up Coopernicus' wish with yours. Who could be more outlandish than the purple-haired Dame Edna. When you are using what you thought was a love potion to ensnare Coopernicus you inadvertently brought back to life all those prairie dogs he killed. In the end, you'll need no magic potion since your effervescence will naturally charm the benign curmudgeon who will mourn your loss when in the end the critters do you in.


Lisa said...A bit part to raise "phain" from the dead or play the long lost sister with amnesia? Ha!!

Rodents will not be the only ones raised from the dead. San will also inadvertently bring Phain back who will serve as the Undead Queen of the Prairie Dogs. Phain was once a renowned prairie dog scientist but met her demise when her subjects revolted and dragged her into their tunnels. Aaliyah will portray Phain as Queen of the Damned Rodents. Yeah, we'll raise her from the dead to do it.


Craver Vii said... What?! Hamsters don't attack. Oh, they're radioactive? Nevermind then.

Craver, you are Gene Wilder as the mad scientist who unleashes radioactive hamsters on the planet in hopes that they can overpower the zombie prairie dogs and their vampiric queen. Sadly, it does not end well for you because the Zombie Prairie Dogs turn the radioactive hamsters into zombies as well which then turn on you, their creator.


airplanejayne said... MEMEMEMEMEMEME! I wanna be in da movie!!!

APJ, you will be Craver's assistant. You're a pole dancer with a heart of gold. If not for your strength, compassion, and dogged determination, Craver's failure would doom all of humanity. Hence, Julia Roberts will reprise an Erin Brockovitch type role to portray you as you combat the zombified, radioactive hordes.




Mona said... I would LOVE to see you as a director & act in your movie! But please don't have plastic dinosaurs chasing me! & don't let James be the script writer!

Wish granted Mona, but you'll be running from herds of zombified and radioactive rodents. Your only line (which will be repeated ad nauseum) is "AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" We will at least have you portrayed by the lovely Aishwarya Rai.


G-Man said...Is there a 'casting couch' involved? If yes...Count me in!!!

Sorry, there's no casting couch but we can have you ride in like a bad ass biker and rescue Mona. Dennis Hopper will portray you? The two of you will escape just before it is revealed that Mona carries the spawn of a radioactive hamster who overpowered her. You'll tend to her through the ridiculously quick pregnancy and grueling delivery when she births Harvey the Wonder Hamster who may just be the hope of the world.


~Tim said... You know, people used to get me and Clint Eastwood mixed up. Yeah, when he was mayor of Carmel people would call the office and ask, "Is Tim there?"

Tim, you'll be the mayor of the plagued town. You're unwilling to admit there is a problem until it's far too late, not unlike certain people in the government and financial sectors today. You'll die when you are beguiled by Phain who eats you for lunch.



Beach Bum said... I'm throwing in with Mel and Clint.

You're the deputy mayor of questionable sanity, who is so busy hanging out on the beach you don't even hear Tim's cries for help or the stampeding herd of radioactive-zombie-rodents as they thunder over the dunes to eat you.


citizen of the world said...Who wouldn't want to be in your movie?

Breazy said... if you need me let me know and I will help in anyway I can.

The two of you will be Tim's and Beach Bum's wives who recognize the danger and decide to skip town when your husbands refuse to heed your warnings. Susan Sarandon and Gina Davis will portray the two of you. With all of law enforcement busy with radioactive, zombified rodents you can have an uninterrupted crime spree that doesn't have to end with you driving into the Grand Canyon.


Suldog said...It would be utterly repugnant of me to tag you, but then beg off from being cast. OK. Fire away!

You're the assistant to Tim and Beach Bum. They have no respect for your opinion even though you're likely smarter than the two of them combined. You've been warning them that there is someone who can help but since he's that creepy foreign guy they don't want to listen and only poke you in the eye. Your part will be acted by Curly.



lecram said...You know I'm in and I'll even take the part of the creepy foreigner.

You may be creepy but you are the hope of the town if people would just get over themselves and listen to you. Many years ago you shared a particular brand of island mojo with some scientists who found it useful but after decades of life in this narrow-minded burg you're happy to let them be eaten by the zombie rodents if they don't want to listen to you. Harold Sakata (aka Odd Job from Goldfinger) will portray you.


mssolitaire said...you know I'd love to act in your crazy life bio-pic!

This is a life bio-pic? Wow! Well, in that case I guess you'll portray me. I'll be lecram's one friend in town. Growing up in a purple house made me sensitive to the folks most people shun. My mother was a hamster and my father smelt of elderberries too so I take a similar perverse delight in watching the cruel townspeople reap what they've sown. I'm also the midwife Gman summons when Mona gives birth to Harvey the Wonder Hamster. We're going to have you channel Stockard Channing's character from "Where the Heart Is" because in spite of what some goofy online thing says I think she looks more like me than the other celebrity matches. I also loved when that particular character used to pray at the breakfast table each morning for God to bless the food and "forgive the fornication which took place on this here table last night."


Rob said... Well, since I don't have a blog of my own, I guess a role in your movie is out for me!...

Well, Rob, I am an EOE filmmaker so blogger or not, if you wanna be in you're in. We'll just make you the mysterious but sagacious next door neighbor. You'll easily survive the radioactive-zombie-rodent plague due to your arcane knowledge of the secret voodoo curses known only to lecram and the members of the Manhattan Project.




VE said...Ooooh...I can't wait for the film. I hope Harvey the Wonder Hamster gets a bit part in it too...

VE didn't indicate a willingness to act in the movie but I am guessing from his enthusiasm about rodentia that he would function well as the Hamster, Guinea Pig, and Prairie Dog Wrangler. His outfit, "Furballs Ltd." will be supplying the necessary extras for the climactic scene. Harvey the Wonder Hamster will portray himself as the hero of our picture.



barman said...If you need any filler you can pitch me in... or not. Actually I would love to help out with the behind the scenes. Lighting or sound or even key grip what ever that is???

Key grip it is. Here are my keys. Keep a good grip on them so I can get home at the end of the day.







S said... OK waitaminit. How are you gonna make a movie with all these people living in different parts of the world? I didn't know you knew how to do that. Can you teach me some stuff? Maybe I'll just hang around and learn stuff. How's that?

You'll be my personal assistant. Just sit back and behold the wonder that is my writing, producing, and directing. Hey, that makes you my gopher! You're not radioactive are you?





43 comments:

Mona said...

YAHTZEEEEE!!!!

S said...

Sits in a lawn chair holding the crayons.

Table beside me holds lemonade, cell phone, chicken and waffles.

I'm not radioactive but I do make most watches stop when I put them on.

Wow what a lotta work!

Mona said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!! I AM IN THE MOVIE!!!

wait a minute ..I get pregnant??? I am RAPED!

AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

& of all the person G MAN ASSISTS MY DELIVERY!!!!! ((((OOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHH)))) ( I am pushing it back in!!!!) G man will ride his bike over my tummy if I don't hurry up!

AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! That is worst than dinosaurs chasing!

Wonder HAMster is my son??? ( his name does ring a bell! Reminds me of my issue....

VE is my son! ( hello Son!)

Beach bum, the mayor of questionable sanity looks like late Saddam Hussein !!

MEGA STARRER!!! BLOCK BUSTER!!!

When are we having the premier ?

And the Oscars....

furiousBall said...

if I hear Wilfred Brimley call "Diabetes" as "Diabetus" one more time, he's gonna get some oatmeal where the sun don't shine

Craver Vii said...

"I'll have what she's smoking" INDEED!!

It matters not that my character is inept, I am honored to have the venerable Gene Wilder, a.k.a. Dr. Franken-steen play my part! And this assistant is ever so much easier on the eyes than Marty (the hunchbacked Eye-gore) Feldman.

By the time I got done reading the post, my cheeks were hurting from laughing so much!!!!!!!

Mona said...

Lime, I am dying really! I am laughing so much! each time I read this!
This post is hilarious & utterly brilliant!

I LOVE IT! :D :D

VE said...

My idea...my idea... ;) Love it though.

And VE playing the dramatic chipmunk (aka Harvey the Wonder Hamster)? AWESOME!!!! He rules the cinemna!!!!! I can't wait to jump on the hamster wheel and RUN!

Mona is my Mom? Cool...I hope she'll get me into the R rated movies I want to see...

lime said...

mona, not so much raped as the radioactivity sort of causes immaculate conception. LMAO @ "pushing it back in"

s, can you fetch me some chocolate and veuve clicquot too? oh, and find me a naked man while you're at it too please.

furiousball, that is disturbing isn't it?

craver, i am glad you approve of the casting. perhaps your lovely assistant will massage your cheeks to relieve the pain.

ve, actually you are harvey's wrangler, but if you really want to dress up in a hamster suit i could rework it.

San said...

Michelle, you are a born screenwriter/director/comedy-meister. Thank you for my juicy role. Wooing Wilford Brimley/resurrecting prairie dogs/succumbing in a gory scene at the hands of them. Gee, I have my work cut out for me, especially when Wilford mourns me in the coffin. I promise to be the most "effervescent" dead body ever!!!

Now, I'm off to practice my lines...

This is a BRILLIANT post. If David doesn't award you POTD, I will lay in wait for him with some of the poisonous potion.

S said...

The chocolate, champers and naked man are in the rickshaw keeping shaded until you need them!

Um, we need to discuss my salary.

San said...

P.S. I realize the potion isn't poisonous per se, but a concoction that will resurrect rodents and turn them into vicious killers must be poisonous to human beings, at the right dosage. I believe we might have a sequel here, especially since this first movie is destined for box-office blockbusterhood.

Move over, Cohn Brothers.

Suldog said...

N'YUK, N'YUK, N'YUK!

Am I pleased by your casting?

Soitanly!

Tremendous job. Hilarious.

Gledwood said...

Didn't Dame Edna do a single season on the LA talkshow circuit until getting fired for low ratings...?

citizen of the world said...

Oh, man, I LOVED Thelma and Louise! Actually saw it twice in the theater, something I never do. So I'm psyched about my casting, and also pleased I don't have to plummet to my death in the end.

(And by the way, you're dead-on with the Stockard Channing resemblance.)

mssolitaire said...

OMG!!!! I absolutely am flattered that you would have me play you! And it's a good thing I like the creepy foreigner already! ;)

PS: I LOVED that movie and I too thought CHanning was AMAZING! Hahahaha... "that kitchen table has many fond memories" :D

Happy Wednesday!

lecram said...

When does shooting start?

Casdok said...

Excellent!!

Seamus said...

Wait! Is there a red carpet involved?

BTExpress said...

Will there be sex and nudity?

Craver Vii said...

No sex or nudity. It's a family show. Actually, I think there is one scene with brief nudity. That's where the radioactive hamsters moon the zombie prairie dogs, but the weirdest thing about that scene is trying to figure out why hamsters would be wearing little trousers in the first place!

lime said...

san, so glad you like your role. as for effervescent corpses...that gives me a great idea about how the rodents could back you up to a ledge in craver's lab and you tumble 3 stories into a vat of alka seltzer....plus you're thinking sequel, we may have to raise you form the dead for the next film!

s, 25% of my total take, how's that? of course 25% of nuthin is still nuthin

suldog, you're hired for the sequel too!

gledwood, that i don't know

citizen, yeah i had big problems with the final scene of that movie...hence my reworking.

solitaire, i thought you were up to the challenge ;)

lecram, as soon as i can secure financing

casdok, thanks!

seamus, you bet there is!

btexpress, well if radioactive hamsters immaculately impregnating mona counts, yes there is sex. most of the rodents will be naked.

craver, you are clearly as unwell as i am, which guarantees you will work in my future productions.

Lolly said...

Very clever, Lime!

(M)ary said...

i'll be the gaffer. i see that in the credits all of the time and wonder...what does the gaffer do?

airplanejayne said...

gawd, I'm hot.

no, seriously, look at my bodacious ta-tas in that shot.


come here craver....

John-Michael said...

We need to seriously consider increasing your medication. SERIOUSLY!! Then again, I don't think that I will appreciate a "healed" you nearly as much as this "deviated" version. I love you just exactly as you are.

~Tim said...

Go ahead... you've made my day!

NYD said...

Pass the popcorn please!

And don't bogart that....

G-Man said...

"You gotta be kidding me, you know who this is man? This is Captain America, and I'm Billy, we're headliners baby! We played every fair in this part of the country, and for top dollar too"

Hehehehe..Thanks Limey...G

VE said...

Rewrite it baby...cause I'm the hamster!!! That's right, you all were assuming VE was a human but come on now, what human can post 5-6 days a week and leave stupid comments on over 100 blogs every day! None! I AM the dramatic hamster and I will be on film, oh yes, I will! ha ha ha ha

Rob said...

Well, hidey ho, good neighbor Cecilia (B. DeMille)! As a mere lad, when I took a sabbatical from my erstwhile duties as a sherpa guide in the Himalayas in order to gravitate to New York to hone my acting skills under the tutelage of the late, great Lee Strasberg, I never dared to dream that it might someday lead to an opportunity such as this to work with a writer/director/producer of your caliber and unparalleled success! What providential good fortune for me that we happen to share a backyard fence and now I find myself cast in this most auspicious of roles in your forthcoming epic! I'm truly humbled -- although supremely confident in my ability to mesmerize viewers of this production with my superior thespian skills -- by the confidence you have shown in me by conscripting me for such a pivotal character in your production! It reminds me of the words of the great philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche who posited: "The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." I have no idea how that is germane to this discussion, or to the theme of your movie, but damn it sure sounds good, doesn't it?!

Hmmmmmmm... I wonder how I would look in a chador on the red carpet...

Mona said...

My friend just pointed out...that i am the ONLY one who got a dialog!

YAAAAY!

Breazy said...

hey Lime! I haven't been ignoring you and the other bloggers, we have a lot of worrisome things going on.

I am so glad that you chose me along with Citizen of the World to have some marbles and get out of Dodge when bad trouble comes.

Hope you have had a good day!

Hale McKay said...

What a great job of casting for this mega-hit-to-be meme movie.

A fun post and kudos to all the time and effort it took to put all this together.

Sorry, I haven't commented in a while. I've been doing a lot of drive-by reading for sometime.

barman said...

Lime, I am still gripping your keys ... and when S was not looking I grabbed the keys to the rickshaw also. Just in case she demands to much of the take. Oh and I was checking... it says that key grips monitor safety of pyrotechnics and stunts. Does that mean we have these in the film too. Cool.

(M)ary, I checked ... a gaffer is also known as a Chief Lighting Technician. I bet you could have fun with that. If someone disagrees with you, out goes all the lights. If someone bribes you well, then you light them well. Oh and by the way, my light just burnt out on the lamp next to my computer. I am just saying. :)

coopernicus said...

Hi. I'm Wilford Brimley. You know it's getting to be that time of year again; the leaves are turning, there's that special chill in the air and the kids are all excited for the big game Friday Night. And all of that means just one thing...that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. That special time when families gather to share all the good memories and make new ones. And I know that at the Brimley Household, there's nothing we all look forward to every year with more anticipation than Thanksgiving Dinner. It's a special time with special people; and that calls for something special - The Wilford Brimley Tom Turkey Do The Right Thing stuffing. I always look forward to getting my hands on a twenty to twenty-five pound fella there and whipping up a batch of stuffing...stuffing made, of course, from steaming hot Quaker Oatmeal. It not only tastes good but it's good for you. Lowers that cholesterol and for those of us fighting diabetus, well, it's just the right thing to do. Let me show you what I mean. I just happen to have a good lookin' twenty pounder right here all shiney and pink, with a caviity just waiting for the goodness of Quaker Oatmeal. I prefer the Cinnamon Brown Sugar kind. I just take a few handfuls of that steamin' hot goodness (ouch) and jam it right in there. And while I'm fisting away I just may take a few spoonfuls for myself. Mmmm Mmmm. That's good. It's so good, and so good for you, that I personally guarantee that it will give you a great big old boner. And just to make sure that creamy goodness is packed in mr. tom real solid-like...well let me just take my pants off here and....oooooooo yeah. OOOOOOO My my my. I know this year is certainly going to be a special one at the Brimley Household.
Quaker Oatmeal. It's just the right thing to do....

barman said...

By the way, awesome job that only someone of your caliber could pull off. Well done director Lime.

Beach Bum said...

I just showed my wife this and she is literally on the floor laughing with the idea of Mel playing me. Although as Mona pointed out if I don't shave for a week I can bare a strong resemblance to a bald Saddam. The "questionable sanity" thing is an admitted given.
Like Zombieslayer I'm more than ready for the coming zombie uprising, especially if its started by former investment/banking CEO's and assorted politicians of both parties. Although as I look through my copy of the Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks radioactive-zombie rodents are not mentioned. So its a good assumption I would be toast as the glowing undead horde crested the sand dunes.

You post made my day.

lime said...

lolly, thank you kindly :)

mary, i dunno what a gaffer does but you're hired!

apj, you are hotter than hot

john-michael, depends on the medication you are upping. i had some pretty wild posts when i was on percoset!

tim, you feelin lucky, punk?

nyd, here's the popcorn, where are my sno-caps?

gman, thanks for helping me wit the final bit of casting. i couldn't have done that one without you.

ve, waving my magic writer's wand and making you a hamster. can ya power my computer for me? it's been running slowly

rob, you have stepped right into character so completely and brilliantly i may have to improve your billing in this flick. you're definitely up for the sequel as well.

mona, astute observation!

breazy, awfully sorry about whatever is troubling you. hope my foray into insanity provided some respite for a moment. hugs to you.

hale, nice to see you back in these parts. :)

barman, you better believe we have stunts and pyrotechnics. and thank you. it's a gift....er...illness.

coopernicus, that was both a brilliant and a disturbing way in which you stepped into character. you may be worthy of a spinoff series.

lime said...

beach bum, hey, all i did was honor the requests made. since clint was already taken that left mel. i'll cast the actress of your choosing to portray your wife (which means since you already have breazy as a wife in the film you have to be some ultra wacked fundamentalist mormon polygamist. how does the mrs look in pioneer fashions?)

Jocelyn said...

You are so bang-on with every one of these.

That's actually the main thing I want to say to you, as I haven't iterated it your way in a few months: your comments on my posts mean so much to me, as they are my gauge, my assurance that I've communicated what I hoped to. Your feedback is something I treasure.

No, really.

Hale McKay said...

From an earlier post of yours, I liked the meme giving the first thought to come to mind ...

...enough to give it a go with my own:
You and Meme On the Roof Top.

lime said...

jocelyn, thank you. your posts never fail to either amuse or touch me.

hale, i'm flattered

Lisa said...

RIGHTEOUS! I get to be the Queen!!!!! Me and those DAMNED RODENTS (LMAO btw) - will rule the world!!

Ok - so hands down this is now my favorite comedic post that you've ever written.

-Lisa/Phain