Monday, November 17, 2008

Fancy Memeing You Here.

Retired and Crazy has tagged me.

7 things I plan to do before I die
1. Finish this meme
2. Find a pair of jeans that doesn't make my butt look big or else hook up with Sir Mixalot.
3. Reconstruct the 7 wonders of the world in mashed potatoes
4. Figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
5. Paint my kitchen.
6. Sort through the junk in the 2 boxes I have yet to unpack from when I moved 5 years ago.
7. Develop some loftier goals.

7 things I do now
1. Produce ATP
2. Convert oxygen into CO2
3. Eat
4. Digest my food
5. Eliminate waste
6. Slough off gazillions of dead skin cells
7. Live a life of wild ambition, I mean really...just look at that list.

7 things I can’t do
1. Defy the laws of evidenced by my ziplining misadventure.
2. Explain quantum physics
3. Remember the words to Olivia Newton-John's "Let's Get Physical."
4. Remember much of the Mandarin I once learned. Heck, I can't even count to 7 in Mandarin anymore.
5. Wear a mandarin collar. They bug me.
6. Collar a crook.
7. Walk a crooked mile. Well, ok, I probably could but then I'd be limping off to the chiropractor.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. Cheesy pick up lines
2. Mad alphabetizing skillz
3. Timely payments
4. Powerful magnets
5. Delicate features
6. My basic heterosexual drives
7. When he does that....ooooh....uh-huh....oh honey...*gasp*......mmmm.....

7 things I say most often
1. The last time me and Mrs. Gassman played with your keys we put them right back.
3. @#!%&*&^#$%^$!!!! (It's really hard to pronounce but the up arrows indicate sounds like those clicking people make. The vowel sound that corresponds to the ampersand is trickiest, especially when it's in a digraph with the asterisk.)
4. Whatever the sound of one eyebrow rising makes.
5. Were you raised by wolves?
6. Supercallifragillisticsexpialladocious
7. Go back to your own damn state, you festering pustule on the ass of humanity. (Oh wait, this one I only say in my head. Does that still count?)

7 celebrities I admire
1. Paris Hilton, for her intellect
2. Britney Spears, for her fashion sense
3. Lindsey Lohan, for her charm and class
4 & 5. Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus, for their self restraint in avoiding overexposure by saturating every conceivable market...not to mention their musical genius.
6. William Shatner, for his nuanced portrayals
7. Phil Spector, for his great hair

And to add a category from Palm Springs Savant's Saturday Seven....7 Random
Things found in my house.

1. A replica of a famous forefather's mansion. Said forefather was an early settler in Pennsylvania and a noted local abolitionist.

2. A penis gourd...hanging on the china closet. Kind of a What Not to Wear meets Top Design bit of decor, no?

3. A stuffed armadillo I bought in Texas because when Isaac was very little he had a bad dream and spoke in his sleep about needing an stuffed armadillo to draw on. He was very upset because we were all out of stuffed armadillos. The only thing that got him back to bed was to promise I'd get him one as soon as I could. It took a while but I kept my promise.

4. Pendulum Man on a backdrop of Magnetic Poetry. He's a real swinger when pushed to it.

5. A Christmas decoration hanging in the kitchen doorway. No, I am not decorating already. It's been hanging there since last year because I didn't realize I missed it when packing things up to put them away and the idea of dragging out the boxes of decorations from the crawl space before this Advent season was more than I was willing to do. Mr. Lime curses it on a daily basis because he bangs his head on it.

6. A dried up orange peel hanging in my kitchen. It's a Trinidadian remedy for a gassy belly. Break off a big chunk and steep it in boiling water like tea.

7. An embroidery project I made for my dad when I was 11. When I went to help my stepmother clean her house a couple weeks ago before her knee replacement surgery we uncovered this and she presented it to me. There is a strange jumble of memories that go with this. I'm thinking I might frame it and hang it in my kitchen...if I ever get it painted.

Finally, VE tagged me to share the most embarrassing songs I will admit to owning. He said he can't wait to see me do this straight. Now how a guy who says I shred memes more than he does can honestly expect me to do this straight is beyond me. Thus it shall be...

7 songs I have mortified a family member with (Keep in mind, VE, this makes it a ThemThem)

1. Kiss by Prince. My kids will not allow me to play this in the kitchen if they have friends over because, as Diana puts it, all I need is a pole and fishnets.

2. Love Shack by the B-52s. I have been in the grocery store when this came on. I danced down the frozen food aisle. The kids pretended I was off my meds that day.

3. Who Let the Dogs Out by the Baha Men. After a 15 hour drive to visit the mother-in-law, who lives in an upscale gated community, we checked through the gate then put this on at full blast and rolled the windows down. We let it finish playing as we danced in the driveway.

4. Some random and vaguely calypso sounding piece of garbage. At a wedding reception the DJ played some generic island music and "instructed" folks how to dance to it. His rendition looked like C-3PO trying to use a hula hoop and people were following his lead. It was appalling. When he made everyone circle up and invited a volunteer into the center to demonstrate they'd learned his moves I went in and showed 'em how it's really done. All yuh would know since I lived in Trinidad I could get on bad and wine dem hips and shake meh bamsee. It caused a mild uproar and afterward a guy at my table asked for a lap dance (I declined). No, I was not drunk. It was a dry reception. Mr. Lime was not pleased with me. Sorry, the reputation of the islands was being besmirched with that crap. I had to do something.

5. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Everyone in our house loves this song....when I sing it, not so much.

6. The Barney Song. Whenever someone gripes about having a song stuck in their head I sing this to them. I have had things thrown at me and been called very nasty names. Such ingratitude!

7. For this I will give VE the one straight answer I have for this particular theme, and it's not a single song but an entire album. Drumroll, please....

Kristy and Jimmy McNichol's
album. I was 10 years old when this ridiculous thing was released. Lacking any taste at all, I spent my allowance on it. Shaddup. Just shaddup...


Mona said...

Yahtzee! The best things I like are the ones that you say most often! :)

Cocotte said...

OOOHHH...those are sooo good! I love your embroidery project and musical tastes. I like all those songs, except the last album, of course.

Anonymous said...

Phew! I'm out of breath just reading it. You are one very funny woman [haha, not peculiar]

Am going to borrow some of the things you say most often.

The TriniGourmet said...

omg, i smiled so broadly when i saw that orange peel :)

G-Man said...

Actually, the orange peel looked like a bra hanging up in a bar!
Meme's are abounding on Monday!!

Balou said...

You are the meme queen! I usually don't dig the meme's but yours are always interesting and make me LOL.

Mother Theresa said...

Kristy and Jimmy McNicol! And I thought owning Xanadu was bad...but, you're a brave soul admitting to that. ;) So, you're an eyebrow raiser...wish I could do that, but I can only manage raising them both.

eve cleveland said...

Mandarin collars bug me too, but I still buy them...why? Make me stop. Do you know anyone who likes them and wears a size 10?

S said...

OMG I remember the scandalous rumour that Kristy was gay! So shocking for the 70s...or was it the 80s?

Everyone knows the answer is three licks.

Cant wait to see the potato sculpture. The Taj Mahal in potato, wow!

Queenie said...

Well I found that most interesting, and with your twist (I said twist not twisted) of humour hilarious. What I really want to know, does the orange peel work????

lime said...

queenie, yes, it really does work. even on that really painful post-operative variety if you have abdominal surgery. i learned about orange peel tea when i had my daughter by c-sec in trinidad. when i returned to the US and had my son i informed my doc i'd like to use the tea instead of his medicine and he let me.

Suldog said...

That's a very well-hung gourd! As always, glad I stopped by. Good laughs!

VE said...

BWAHAHAHAHA...Kristy and Jimmy McNicol! I about fell out of my chair laughing. Now people are going to think I've been crying from the tears. Seriously... I actually think that could have been in my compilation of albums to avoid for the rest of your life!!! Thanks for letting down the lime mask temporarily! A little laughter abuse refreshes the soul. I do like the way you turned the rest of it into a them them too...I'm so proud!!!

Desmond Jones said...

Funny how The Real Thing (ie, the 'Island Dance') manages to completely mortify the 'let's pretend' version, isn't it?

And listen, if Diana were my daughter, I'd be asking her what does she know from poles and fishnets. . .

barman said...

I have you beat on those two boxes from 5 years ago. I moved to mid Michigan just about 20 years ago. I still have some boxes I packed that have never seen the light of day and others that have not been opened since I moved into my current house almost 10 years ago. I put you to shame. Wait, make that I put me to shame.

I learned someything. Not bad for a days work. I now know what ATP is.

Let's get Physical, Physical. I want to get physical ... how hard can it be? The words I mean.

Practicing my cheesy pickup up lines now... I always hated them so I avoid them like the pleague.

I so can hear your eyebrow raising now. Could you keep it down over there?

Supercall... cute.

I kept waiting for you to drop the other show on the 7 celebs you admire. I guess I recognize sarcasim when I see it.

Can you imagine many years from now passing down the Armadillo as a family hairloom?

I have a baby (1 foot tall) Christmas tree up at work. I don't have the excuse you do however. I bet Mr Lime will personally pack that ornament away after Christmas this year.

Cool to know about the orange peel.

You sound just like someone I work with. He makes it a habit to always dance ON at least one table at any wedding he goes to. It does not matter if he is drinking or not. Life is to short not to enjoy it to the fullest. I really need to adopt that saying.

I had not heard of "Who let the dogs out" until a golf parnet introduced me to it. I went on and on for at least a month either doing words or just laughing about it. I still like it.

I LOVE Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. I will join you in a sing along but lets be clear, pets are to be kept at a safe distance because it would just be pure torture for them. Tough luck for the family members.

You are an Wicked, Wicked woman. Don't you ever bring that Barney song up around me. That and Telly Tubby bye bye.

I used to really like Kristy McNichol. I guess I had a thing for younger women. :-) I have not heard her sing or anything however.

Great Meme as always.

Cooper said...

There are so many things fundamentally wrong with Kristy & Jimmy......makes my teeth itch...

snowelf said...

That was meme-licious, Lime! :)

It's been awhile since I've done a meme...I think I'm due.

This is my goal for the week. You heard it here first.


Jocelyn said...

It's never been more clear than at this minute that you are my Psychic Sister, indeed. You went to Jimmy and Kristy McNichol.

You went there.

Suddenly, I was ten again and wishing FAMILY were back on tv or LITTLE DARLINGS were in theaters.

EmBee said...

Bohemian Rhapsody... My all time FAVorite song... Queen, my FAVorite group.

My first album I ever bought with allowance money was 'The Banana Splits'... Yep, taste at a young age is pretty much nil.

Anonymous said...

The thing bBohemian Rhapsody is that it's wrong not to sing along.

Beach Bum said... festering pustule on the ass of humanity.
Have you been talking with my wife?

Explain quantum physics
Easy, drunk leprechauns and fairies smoking reefer.

Great meme and it had me on the floor.

Moosekahl said...

You amaze me! I like the orange tea idea though...might have to try that. I have an orange in my office waiting to be eaten.

Mona said...

G Man> Billi ko khuaab mein bhi cheechde nazar aate hain !

( Mojo Or Susie! will you translate that!)

Palm Springs Savant said...

OK, I LOVE this post! what a fun collection of memes. That Kritsy and Jimmy McNichols album is a riot. Oh and that penis gourd is hilarious.

ps- thanks for the shout out...

Cosima said...

Where do I get a penis gourd? I want one too!!!

SignGurl said...

Ok, I actually snorted out loud at least 3 times when reading this. You are like laugh medicine for me. Thanks!

VE said...

Bwahahahaha...sorry...I just wanted to comment again on that album. It's so bad it rates two humiliating comments!

Semi-Gloss Lacquer said...

I was like doing fine until I hit the penis gourd on the china cabinet... but recovered when I saw the dried orange thingie hanging with leaves LEAVES on the yard in back..(LEAVES!)
--and then the McNichols album and all the tires blew on the truck at once...



tsduff said...

My Texas born Grandpa had an armadillo made into a basket (tail curved over to be the handle) I was fascinated with it.

The orange peel is my next new homeopathic remedy - thanks.

I have poetry magnets all over my icebox too - but not as many as I used to due to the fact that some explicit sayings kept appearing.

Oh and I adore batik - you are the most well rounded interesting person I know. :)

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