Sunday, July 26, 2009

Same Meme Time, Same Meme Channel

Cooper has been known to steal memes from me. I am a bit behind and have 3 to steal from him.

Meme, the first

1. You are a guest on the space shuttle. You just arrived on the moon and realize you forgot something back home that you can’t live without. What is it and how do you convince them to go back and fetch it?

Chocolate. I promise to share.

2. Pretend you are a teacher in a rough public school for one day. You have been assigned to teach Manners 101. You have the “challenging bad ass kids” class. They are jumping up and down, cursing, and throwing things at you. What is the first thing you would write on the board?

I quit

3. Someone in your family or a friend has started a blog. They think it is anonymous but you have figured it out. They are saying derogatory things about you. Do you tell them or do you read it for awhile? How would you handle it?

Taunt them

4. If you had one dollar left in your pocket, what would you spend it on?

Why are you in a hurry for me to spend my last dollar?

5. President Obama and the First Lady are coming over for dinner. What do you serve?

I thought he was elected to serve me as well as the rest of the American public.

6. You walk in on your lover. They are trying on your clothes. What do you do?

I wonder when I acquired a lover and how many the antecedent "they" refers to. Is Hugh Jackman among them?"

7. Every astronaut must have shots! Choose your vaccination: You only get one and you can’t enjoy any of the attributes of the other choices. You choose either: (1) The fountain of eternal youth and sexual vigor but only for 10 years (2) perfect health for a lifetime (3) eternal mind-numbing nirvana and peace of mind (4) unlimited hedonism for one year with no negative consequences.

Easy…number 4…as long as I can use the Long Count version of the Mayan Calendar……(Yeah, Cooper, I am totally stealing your answer here even if, according to that, the world will end in 2012.)

Meme, the second

1. You are in court. You are in deep doo-doo. What did you do?

Well, they probably hauled me in for dumping that truckload of doo-doo that filled the intersection of Main and 1st Streets.

2. Your blog just became a best-selling book . What is the title of your book?

Unfortunately, Dave Eggers already has a book titled A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. The bastard.

3. It is midnight. The phone rings. It is Michael Jackson calling from the Great Beyond. What would you like to ask him?

Why is he calling me from the great beyond and why does he think I'd be willing to take his call at that hour in the first place.

4. You are having your future told. The fortune teller looks in the crystal ball, screams and leaves the room in fright. What did they see?

Me being chased by the love child of Amy Winehouse and Russel Brand.

5. You’re blogging along minding your own blusiness (that’s blog + oh…you know) when Google unexpectedly puts a Objectionable Content Warning on your blog. Your own mother is afraid to enter! What, pray tell, did you do to warrant it? How did this happen? Do you think you deserve it? Just how objectionable are you? Do tell.

This maybe, or that?

6. You suddenly become God Of The Universe. What would your first Commandment be?

Thou Shalt Do the Dance

7. And finally, what secret would you like to tell the Queen?

Pfft...I AM the Queen...of Memes.

Meme, the final

1. If you could turn back the hands of time to correct one wrongdoing, what event would you choose and why?

It's a toss up between the leisure suit trend in the 70s for men and the vertical bangs hair trend in the 80s for women.

2. Are you one for tradition? If so, what traditions do you strongly believe in? If not, what makes tradition hypocritical?

During the full moon in months ending in Y I like to sacrifice a grapefruit over the septic mound. Then we all paint ourselves purple and green before playing Ring Around the Rosie on the trampoline. It's an important ritual that draws our family closer. How could anything promoting family unity be hypocritical?

3. You were taking part in an event and you had to crossplay, who would you crossplay as and why?

I have no idea what this question even means but I guess I'd refer you to this.

4. If you only had one day left to live, how would you spend your last day? Would you be tempted to live fatally if you knew you were to die the next day, and if so, what extreme measures would you take?

Live fatally? Isn't that an oxymoron? Or do you mean live fatalistically?

5. What are your top five sinful materialistic items, ones you’d expect from others including those closest to you? Why is each in the position they are in?

An item is an object which cannot act. As such, it is neutral and therefore incapable of being sinful. People, who act from their will, are capable of being sinful. An action which demonstrates sinful behavior or a thought which may carry sinful motivations would qualify. As for materialistic, again, this is a term descriptive of an attitude or motivation. One can own material objects, which means they are tangible. One may even desire to amass huge quantities of material objects and value them above quality relationships or virtuous character traits. This would demonstrate a sinful, materialistic attitude...providing, of course, you define materialism as sinful. As for the rest of the question I have already exhausted my patience with the meme writer's complete lack of command of English.

6. I am…

...wearied by poor usage.

7. I feel…

…with my fingers (Dude, I use this phrase all the time.)

8. I see…

...Bobby, and Susie, and Jimmy. Oh, and there's Billy! Now let's get our Romper Stompers...

9. I need…

...a car, a job, a good shag

10. I love…

...therefore I am.

11. I wish…

...I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.

12. I think…

...therefore I am way ahead of George Bush.

13. I hear…

...the squish of jello between my toes.

14. I crave…

...this isn't that kind of blog.

15. I fear…

...what may be lurking under the debris in Calypso's room.

16. I hope…

...I didn't bore you to tears with this.


JennyMac said...

Your answers are fantastic..especially about Obama. LOL. And Hugh Jackman.

Mona said...

LOL! These are fantastic! I loved the Obama answer too...and the sinful materialism.

Also about being ahead of GW. LOL!

Jazz said...

Ah Hugh... wait it says "they", has he been cloned?

Craver Vii said...

You're a nut! I'm speechless.

Ananda girl said...

Okay... the inhaler coin purse did me in!

NYD said...

I got side tracked with the links and spent most of my time reading older posts (LOL@toddlers gone wild.)and Cooper's stuff as well.

I always enjoy the way you correct the more obvious mistakes in questions and especially the intensity with which you scoff vapidity.


lime said...

jenny, please just don't mix and match the answers and questions with hugh and obama

mona, it takes very little thought to be ahead of dubya

jazz, ooohhh, cloned hugh. that way when i wear one out i still have a spare!

craver, sometimes i feel like a nut...

ananda, i think it could do anyone in who used it

nyd, i am tickled by you enjoyment of my intense scoffing of vapidity. that's a fine quality to possess.

Anonymous said...

the best taunt favorite scene from the film....

Logophile said...

Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
tee hee

Thank you for demonstrating again that I am not the only grammar and language nazi out there.

You not only do it too; you do it well.

Michelle said...

wow...that looked like a lot of work! Very impressive.

secret agent woman said...

Ha ha - I had the same thoght about the lover/"they" question first time I saw this meme!

Beach Bum said...

3. It is midnight. The phone rings. It is Michael Jackson calling from the Great Beyond. What would you like to ask him?

Seriously, if Michael or anyone else calls from the great beyond I'm signing up for their cellular plan!

Jocelyn said...

Bore us to tears? PULEASE. Tickle us to laughter. Any meme response that highlights incorrect pronoun/antecedent agreement is KICKIN'.

G-Man said...

I fart in your general direction!

(runs away)

lime said...

cooper, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries

logo, beautiful semicolon placement!

michelle, nah, i never work hard on these

secret agent, seems to be several of us who were bothered by that

beach bum, i don't even want to imagine the roaming charges incurred

jocelyn, rockin' the grammar snark just for you

gman, brave, brave, brave, brave sir g-man

snowelf said...

God Bless the Mayans.
Which is probably sacreligious as the Mayans didn't really believe in one God.
But still, they gifted us with chocolate.
Do you think Hugh Jackman is secretly Mayan? He's pretty delicious...


Suldog said...

Have to admit, I missed the personalized stuffed vulva the first time around.

Wish I'd missed it the second time around. Yikes!

david mcmahon said...

REALLY enjoyed your Obama answer.

Interesting to see an Aussie mentioned in your answers!

Seamus said...

Cracking up over MeMe 2 - #2

DianeCA said...

NOBODY does memes like you girl!! I love your answers! I had to send the Taunting video to my son!

San said...

Dave Eggers can don a leisure suit (preferably aqua) and jump on a trampoline, smashing grapefruits, or grapefruit jello, between his bastardly toes. Damn him is right for taking that title which so richly belongs at the top of this post.


lime said...

snowelf, we owe those mayans a great debt of gratitude

suldog, it's extremely disturbing. i would be surprised if you just blocked it out the first time.

david, glad you enjoyed. hugh is the most delicious aussie!

seamus, grinning broadly

diane, hope your son enjoyed

san, you are just so fantastic at twisting my own warpedness into something even more twisted and entertaining.

Desmond Jones said...

Eternal youth and sexual vigor. . . for ten years? So, uh, sorta temporarily eternal?

Pouty Lips said...

Often throw cows and dead chickens at my relatives too.

Desmond Jones said...

But hey, your answer to #10 of the 'final meme' is profoundly wise. . .