Same Meme Time, Same Meme Channel

Cooper has been known to steal memes from me. I am a bit behind and have 3 to steal from him.

Meme, the first

1. You are a guest on the space shuttle. You just arrived on the moon and realize you forgot something back home that you can’t live without. What is it and how do you convince them to go back and fetch it?

Chocolate. I promise to share.

2. Pretend you are a teacher in a rough public school for one day. You have been assigned to teach Manners 101. You have the “challenging bad ass kids” class. They are jumping up and down, cursing, and throwing things at you. What is the first thing you would write on the board?

I quit

3. Someone in your family or a friend has started a blog. They think it is anonymous but you have figured it out. They are saying derogatory things about you. Do you tell them or do you read it for awhile? How would you handle it?

Taunt them

4. If you had one dollar left in your pocket, what would you spend it on?

Why are you in a hurry for me to spend my last dollar?

5. President Obama and the First Lady are coming over for dinner. What do you serve?

I thought he was elected to serve me as well as the rest of the American public.

6. You walk in on your lover. They are trying on your clothes. What do you do?

I wonder when I acquired a lover and how many the antecedent "they" refers to. Is Hugh Jackman among them?"

7. Every astronaut must have shots! Choose your vaccination: You only get one and you can’t enjoy any of the attributes of the other choices. You choose either: (1) The fountain of eternal youth and sexual vigor but only for 10 years (2) perfect health for a lifetime (3) eternal mind-numbing nirvana and peace of mind (4) unlimited hedonism for one year with no negative consequences.

Easy…number 4…as long as I can use the Long Count version of the Mayan Calendar……(Yeah, Cooper, I am totally stealing your answer here even if, according to that, the world will end in 2012.)

Meme, the second

1. You are in court. You are in deep doo-doo. What did you do?

Well, they probably hauled me in for dumping that truckload of doo-doo that filled the intersection of Main and 1st Streets.

2. Your blog just became a best-selling book . What is the title of your book?

Unfortunately, Dave Eggers already has a book titled A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. The bastard.

3. It is midnight. The phone rings. It is Michael Jackson calling from the Great Beyond. What would you like to ask him?

Why is he calling me from the great beyond and why does he think I'd be willing to take his call at that hour in the first place.

4. You are having your future told. The fortune teller looks in the crystal ball, screams and leaves the room in fright. What did they see?

Me being chased by the love child of Amy Winehouse and Russel Brand.

5. You’re blogging along minding your own blusiness (that’s blog + oh…you know) when Google unexpectedly puts a Objectionable Content Warning on your blog. Your own mother is afraid to enter! What, pray tell, did you do to warrant it? How did this happen? Do you think you deserve it? Just how objectionable are you? Do tell.

This maybe, or that?

6. You suddenly become God Of The Universe. What would your first Commandment be?

Thou Shalt Do the Dance

7. And finally, what secret would you like to tell the Queen?

Pfft...I AM the Queen...of Memes.

Meme, the final

1. If you could turn back the hands of time to correct one wrongdoing, what event would you choose and why?

It's a toss up between the leisure suit trend in the 70s for men and the vertical bangs hair trend in the 80s for women.

2. Are you one for tradition? If so, what traditions do you strongly believe in? If not, what makes tradition hypocritical?

During the full moon in months ending in Y I like to sacrifice a grapefruit over the septic mound. Then we all paint ourselves purple and green before playing Ring Around the Rosie on the trampoline. It's an important ritual that draws our family closer. How could anything promoting family unity be hypocritical?

3. You were taking part in an event and you had to crossplay, who would you crossplay as and why?

I have no idea what this question even means but I guess I'd refer you to this.

4. If you only had one day left to live, how would you spend your last day? Would you be tempted to live fatally if you knew you were to die the next day, and if so, what extreme measures would you take?

Live fatally? Isn't that an oxymoron? Or do you mean live fatalistically?

5. What are your top five sinful materialistic items, ones you’d expect from others including those closest to you? Why is each in the position they are in?

An item is an object which cannot act. As such, it is neutral and therefore incapable of being sinful. People, who act from their will, are capable of being sinful. An action which demonstrates sinful behavior or a thought which may carry sinful motivations would qualify. As for materialistic, again, this is a term descriptive of an attitude or motivation. One can own material objects, which means they are tangible. One may even desire to amass huge quantities of material objects and value them above quality relationships or virtuous character traits. This would demonstrate a sinful, materialistic attitude...providing, of course, you define materialism as sinful. As for the rest of the question I have already exhausted my patience with the meme writer's complete lack of command of English.

6. I am…

...wearied by poor usage.

7. I feel…

…with my fingers (Dude, I use this phrase all the time.)

8. I see…

...Bobby, and Susie, and Jimmy. Oh, and there's Billy! Now let's get our Romper Stompers...

9. I need…

...a car, a job, a good shag

10. I love…

...therefore I am.

11. I wish…

...I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.

12. I think…

...therefore I am way ahead of George Bush.

13. I hear…

...the squish of jello between my toes.

14. I crave…

...this isn't that kind of blog.

15. I fear…

...what may be lurking under the debris in Calypso's room.

16. I hope…

...I didn't bore you to tears with this.