Tuesday, September 08, 2009

AAARRRRGGG!


No this is not going to be another post with lots of expletives deleted. Rest easy with regard to that. It is, however going to be another award/meme thing. Granted some of you seem to love what I do with these things, but this one is another variation of the 5/6/7/8/9/now 10 random/weird/unusual/secret things about yourself.


Those of you who have been reading me for a long time know I have done this irritating, infernal meme enough times that were I to reveal much more out here in the blogosphere I might have to gain an X rating or at the very least require a blood test and some sort of long term commitment from all of you (and if all that isn't enough here is a list of 101 facts about myself and here are 100 things I have done, seriously how much more can I share???). Unfortunately, Michelle H., who bestowed this upon me, is a relatively new reader as we've only recently made each other's acquaintance through Suldog.


I am tempted to do to Michelle what Suldog does to those who award him, which is to filet them, and quite deftly at that. I can't say he goes on to roast them because it's more like being presented with fugu, which sounds like it ought to be an expletive deleted but really is just a mass of freshly killed, still quivering piece of finely butchered fish that may just kill you if it hasn't been done with skill.


The problem is I like Michelle (which I recognize doesn't stop Suldog from sharpening his knives and we all love him for it). I can't even pick on her for the way she spells her name. You see, I feel very strongly about the proper spelling of our shared name. It requires 2 L's NOT one. Those girls who spell it with a single L (and I can't even bring myself to type it out that way because of the inherent wrongness of it) really can't be trusted. They are a shifty lot always trying to skate by on less than what it required. Of course, I also object on the grounds of French grammar and rules of feminization of a name. Since our name is derived from the French boy's name Michel it means the final consonant must be doubled before the final E is added. Listen I didn't take 4 years of French in high school and win "La Premiere Etudiante" for nothing! Besides all that, our name means "Who is like God?" Ok, so it doesn't come out and say WE are but there is certainly the suggestion of godliness and who am I to mess with someone who gets the spelling right AND may be reflecting the Most High Himself.


Now I know the other Michelle is a little bit younger than I am so perhaps by the time she went through school the name was not as in vogue as when I was a kid. There were always at least 2 of us in any class I ever had. In the early elementary grades when there were always a bunch of Michael's too I found it highly annoying that when classmates handed out papers they couldn't read well enough to tell the difference between Michael and Michelle. There were a lot of moments when I'd be handed Michael's papers and wonder why my grade was so abysmal only to realize that wasn't my handwriting, my name, OR my grade...thanks be to God (the real one).


That was frustrating, but even worse was 4th grade when there were 4 Michelles in my class. I am pretty sure only 2 of us spelled the name properly but of course when the name is spoken you can't tell how it's spelled (see how shifty they are?). In any event, we were in Mr. Kulakowsky's class (K-U-L-A-K-O-W-S-K-Y, *I spit on the ground* His [expletive deleted] name was on every [expletive deleted] spelling test all year). This man is the reason why I completely loathe the song Michelle, Ma Belle. He used to sing it every.single.day. It's not just because he sang the song that I hate it. He was just the most horrible man who never should have been a teacher. He played favorites. He intentionally lost the homework of students he didn't like. He was arrogance personified. He punished with overly harsh sentences. And finally, he very nearly cost me my life. No, I am not exaggerating.


We had begun one of those spelling tests which always contained his name when I began to feel extremely unwell. I was nauseous, dizzy, and suddenly itchy from head to toe. I raised my hand to go to the nurse and was told I had to wait until the end of the spelling test. As the list of words went on I felt worse and worse and could barely concentrate. The girl sitting next to me became very alarmed and asked what was wrong because I was suddenly white as a sheet and had bumps all over my face. I begged to go to the nurse again and was told no. Now, it was readily apparent to another 4th grade student that something was seriously wrong, but Mr. Kulakowsky *I spit on the ground* was unrelenting. I was to finish the test first. By the time I was permitted to go to the nurse I was so out of it I could barely get to the office. By the time the nurse reached my mother and she arrived at the school my face was so swollen she walked past me in the nurse's office and didn't recognize me. By the time I got to a doctor he told my mother I was moment's away from needing a tracheotomy because my throat was nearly closed. I was having an anaphylactic reaction but you know, the correct spelling of one (expletive deleted) teacher's name was far more important than all of that. Since this was the first time I'd ever had that sort of reaction to anything I had no Epipen available. (I still have to wonder why the nurse just let me sit in a chair in a separate room rather than calling an ambulance or staying with me.) But just to show him, all is well, I'd like to take him out for a fugu dinner.


So, this particular post contains at least 10 never-before-revealed-on-this-blog facts about myself. According to the rules I am supposed to pass this one to 10 more people so...


1. Anyone who has a double letter in his or her name.
2. Anyone who speaks more than one language.
3. Anyone with delusions of grandeur
4. Anyone who has eaten fugu.
5. Anyone who is a good speller.
6. Anyone who blesses the folks who invented spellcheck.
7. Anyone who hates a song with his or her name in it.
8. Anyone who has a drug allergy.
9. Anyone who shared a class with someone whose name they also shared.
10. Anyone who has nothing better to do.


17 comments:

Michelle H. said...

Where should I begin?

First off: I didn't know that our name means, "Who is like God." So, I'm definitely filing that tidbit of information away.

Second: I have an older brother named Michael. So my name is completely unoriginal in my family. They deliberately used the French translation.

Third: I had a 3rd grade teacher who not only deliberately spelled my name with one "L," but she would sing "Michelle, Ma Belle," in class to me. When I complained about it at home, my sister came up with a rhyme, "Michelle, my bell that fell in the well and went to H**l".

I feel your pain...

lime said...

michelle, i have to say i have never met another one of us who had any affection for THAT song.

S said...

I do not understand this me me.

But I will say this:

If you knew Susie like I knew Susie,
Oh what a girl....

Ohhh Susie Q, Oh Susie Q, Oh Susie Q baby I love you! Susie Q!

Wake up, Little Susie, wake up!....

And finally, my favorite Susie song....

Last fair deal in the country, sweet Susie
Last fait deal in the town
Put your gold money where your love is, baby.
Before you let my deal go down...

Oh and then there's Sue Egypt!

Chills quick you
Voices pick you
Crows hex you
[You love some?] post-'em avion
Wizard Kiss and all be gone
Scenes
Dreams
Boats to forever
Boated ether
Creep to ether feather
Sue Egypt
Sue Egypt
Boing pong...

LOL
Have a fun day Michelle.

Desmond Jones said...

Hmmmmm. . .

Since I deliberately took my bloggity pseudonym from the lyrics of a Beatles song, maybe I should just stay quiet. . .

But, um, my daughters have a good friend and sometime housemate whose name is Laura, and I'm always telling them (in Laura's hearing, of course, because otherwise, what's the point, right?) to "tell Laura I love her."

And hey, just think of how much it must've helped you learn French to translate, "sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble". I mean, c'mon, Sir Paul was just tryin' to be helpful. . .

And listen, I'm a VERY good speller. . .

lime said...

s, i'm just glad you aren't a boy named sue

desmond, i don't have a problem with the beatles in general, just that song in particular.

Cocotte said...

I've always liked the name, Michelle. I haven't known that many.

My name was also the topic of a song from yesteryear. Annoyed the hell out of me when people sang it.

And because I don't learn my lesson well, I named my firstborn the name of another song from the past. People would sing it and she was clueless.

Desmond Jones said...

Right; but I took my name (and not just mine, mind you, but my wife's, as well) from song lyrics on purpose, and 'songs and names' seems to be a sore point around these parts just today. . .

FWIW, I have a relative named Barbara Ann, who feels about her eponymous song about the way you do about yours. . .

Craver Vii said...

Oh, the things people have called me! There was one distortion of my name in particular that I hated and simply do not tolerate any more. One polite correction is more than a person is entitled to, I think. If they don't listen, grab a Ginsu and fugu away!!

1) Only in my pseudonym.
2) Si.
3) Moi??? We do not stoop to having delusions.
5) Exsellent speler, as a mattor o'fact.
6) Aleve is a pain.

Suldog said...

There aren't any really good "Suldog" songs. There should be.

However, I'll quote my favorite song containing my given name...

Jim Dandy to the rescue
Jim Dandy to the rescue
Jim Dandy to the rescue
Go Jim Dandy!
Go Jim Dandy!


Damn, I love that song!

lime said...

cocotte, i gave my daughters uncommon names because i didn't like being one of a 100 and they were unhappy about how "weird" their names are.

craver, there is one mutation of michelle i absolutely don't tolerate either.and if i am ever arrested for ginsu-ing and fugu-ing an offender i will say you gave me permission. with all your grandeur i assume you are a superior authority ;)

suldog, add one of my favorite books (go, dog, go!) and you've got a nifty little combo there!

g-man said...

...Big Smile on Fugu's face.

angel said...

Well... not a bad start for me! Its my first visit and I qualify for your award on no less than 7 out of the 10 points!!!

Mwaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaa...

I'll be back!

RennyBA's Terella said...

So maybe I should be glad my name is Renny which is very seldom in Norway then :-)

secret agent woman said...

Nope, not doing a meme about my real name no matter how many of those ten criteria I meet!

(M)ary said...

3) anyone who has delusions of gradeur....

well, what if i am grand? no matter what the psych dr says my royal birth is NOT a delusion!

Logophile said...

oooh man,
I feel your pain, honey.
You KNOW I feel your pain.
My name was in the top ten too,

http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/decades/names1970s.html

AND there is the song thing to deal with,
sigh

Thanks for bringing that up

Jocelyn said...

Crap, your final "tagging" net caught me with #5. But that's it.

However, if I preetind to be a badd speler, I don't haf to do it, raht?