More ABCs of Lime

Jericho posted a set of interview questions for me on Monday. He loves to make people think and his questions are doing just that. I had hoped to post my responses today but various minor family issues such as sick children have hindered me. I want to do his questions justice because I know he spent a lot of time digging through my archives in order to craft them. I just am not up to speed for posting them today so expect them by Friday. Jericho, my apologies for the delay.

In the meantime, Damasta also tagged me. So in lieu of the interview and a Weird Wednesday News post here are some weird Lime-ish things.

Accent-Which one do ya wanna hear? I do a killer Pennsylvania Dutch and a passable Trini

Booze of choice - Read my lips, "No more vodka!" Wine is just fine.

Chore I hate - Ironing, especially when the ants go marching two million by two million

Dog or cat - allergic to both, gimme a snake

Essential electronics - computer, iPod

Favorite perfume(s)/cologne(s) – allergic to most women's perfumes but I can tolerate Obssession for women, and Polo for men is liquid foreplay as far as I am concerned. But really Lime au naturel is my thing and bare man skin is pretty groovy too.

Gold or Silver? – either, but I wear mostly silver

Hometown - a podunk speck on the map in Southeast Pennsylvania

Insomnia? – yep

Job Title – Chief Cook and Bottle Washer

Kids? - yep

Living Arrangement - I have arranged to live

Most admired trait - Now how the ferk do ya answer a thing like this and not sound stuck up?? Ok, it must be my humility. I am so humble you wouldn't believe it. I mean I have gotta be the most humble person you've ever met, maybe even on earth.

Number of Sexual Partners - One at a time please. Queue forms to the right, please take a number and wait your turn, we are now serving #......as if! ( I crack myself up)

Overnight Hospital Stays - yep, 3 c-secs.

Phobia - A world wide chocolate shortage. Is there a word for that?

Quote - 'The world is full of suffering, the world is also full of the overcoming of suffering.' Helen Keller

Religion - A relationship, not a religion.

Siblings - One brother

Time I wake up - At the crack of dark.

Unusual talent/skill - Balancing coins on my elbow and snapping my arm down to catch the coins in my hand. Not a high demand for this skill though. Last time I answered this I said picking stuff up with my toes. That at least has some practical application.

Vegetable I refuse to eat - Brussels sprouts, all the nastiness of one head of cabbage concentrated in horse pill form, blech!

Worst habit - Procrastination

X-rays - Yeah, I ordered me a pair of them x-ray specs off the back of a comic book. I see London! I see France! I see bloggers' underpants!

Yummy foods I make - The vegetable casserole my whole family hates. I LOVE IT! And everyone else who has had it loves it, so there! And of course I have a number of chocolate recipes. I make really good curried venison too.

Zodiac sign -Libra

Trini Tuesday-Ants in my iron

When adjusting to life in a different culture it is invaluable to have folks to help interpret various phenomena.

Sometimes a newcomer needs to be warned of dangers they'd otherwise be unaware of.

It's a really bad idea to let Diana sit on that tree stump after the rain. Scorpions live under the dried bark and the rain drives them out...AAAIIIEEEEE!!!!! Thank you very much I had NO idea!

Do not rent a house with no fence or burglar proofing. And get yourself a dog for security.

Sometimes it helps to make certain activities go more smoothly.

City water comes in the middle of the night. Make sure you have a good tank to collect the water to use throughout the day.

(neighbor speaking to us after we'd expressed frustration at jumping through all the hoops to get a secured account and being denied regardless)Royal Bank likes to hassle foreigners. Come to ScotiaBank where I work and I will see to it that you get a secured account.

Sometimes it simply explains things that are confounding.

(Calling on the phone)Um, Steph? I have a question. And if you tell me what I am experiencing is normal, that's fine. I can live with it. I just don't know if this is normal or not.

Yes, Meesh. What seems to be happening?

(very matter-of-factly) Well, it's my iron. I turned it on to press my blouse and as it started to heat up there were about 9 million ants that started to exit from the water well in it.

(much laughter)Oh gosh, gyal! Yes, that is normal. We all have ants living in our irons, they go in after any moisture still in the well.

(very calmly and somewhat relieved)Ok, thanks, Steph. I was just wondering.

(I waited for the better part of the ants to finish their exodus then finished my ironing as I flicked the odd lagger off my blouse.)


For a while I have been kicking around the idea of letting you all ask questions about Trinidad or my time there in order to help structure some future Trini Tuesday posts. I still have lots of things I can come up with but I thought I'd throw the offer out there. If there is anything in particular you'd like to know about just put it in the comments. I'll work posts around whatever you bring up.

Happy Trini Tuesday!

You Look Just Like Someone I Know

Bluebolt had another fun thing I swiped from her. If you go here you can load one of your photos and be matched up with celebrity lookalikes. I am forever being told I look just like someone's cousin, neighbor, daughter-in-law, friend, whatever. This past weekend I was told no less than 3 times that I looked just like someboday a person knew well. Last week at my son's school I was repeatedly called by a name other than my own because I look like that person. I guess I have a really nondescript look that allows me to look like a myriad other people. So, I thought I'd upload my photo and see what star someone thinks I look like.

Here's what I used


Here are my results.

Apparently I look most like Moran Atias. I got a 70% match on her. Never heard of the girl. Apparently she is an Israeli model. Well, she's pretty at least. I can handle that.


Next we have Alyson Hannigan (63% match)formerly of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. James, forgive me. I swear I never killed a vampire.


Now we move onto Leonardo DiCaprio??? At a 61% match?? Ok, I have one whisker on my chin that I pluck, but I have NEVER had stubble like that! Puhleeze...


Barbara Stanwyck also registers at 61%. Frankly, I am not seeing it, but at least she aged well. That is a ray of hope. I'm really not digging the hat though.


Next we have Liv Tyler at 59%. Well, personally I have always thought she was completely gorgeous and wondered how on earth someone as hideous as Steve Tyler produced this beauty. I don't see the likeness to me but if you wanna tell me I look like her that is fine with me.


And then we have Janet Leigh at 57%. Well, When I did my green face for HNT someone told me I looked like her daughter, Jamie Lee Curtis. That was a new one for me. I don't know how much I look like either of them but my kids might say there is a resemblance to this picture.


Well, there you have my celebrity lookalikes. I just bet they constantly hear, "You look just like this blogger I know!"

Nanofiction

Susie has suggested a new Friday feature called Nanofiction. In 55 words or less we are to write a story. I'm not sure if I will do this every Friday or not, but I thought I'd give it a go this week because she asked so nicely and some of the other things I want to say I am still mulling over. I'm going to put a 'Lime twist' on it though. In the comments I want you to either add to the story or else flesh it out and tell me more about the setting or the background of the characters. Maybe that voids the idea of nanofiction, I dunno. But I like to encourage interaction. So without further ado....



Strangers cross paths in a crowd but a flicker of recognition brightens his face. The familiar knot from years ago tightens in her stomach when their eyes meet. She submissively turns her gaze downward to avoid him but then sets her jaw, stands straight, lets the throng carry her away, and remembers...she is free.


Ok folks, after you tell me 'who,' 'why,'or 'what next' have a great weekend.

HNT-Rebirth

Yes, I know the folks who know me well never thought they'd ever see this amount of my skin. Pick your jaws up off the floor and pop your eyes back into your skulls. If you really know me, you know I wouldn't do this gratuitously.

All over the shock now? Good. Then read on.

Life has been one way for a long time. It's begun to get cramped. I feel pressed on every side and something has got to give. At the same time, there is safety here in the womb. It's warm. I am provided for. There is a steady rhythm beating in the background. It's cold outside the womb and there is nothing to protect me. But outside I can continue to grow and develop as I should. I don't know when the exact moment will come. It may take several pushes. I will probably do some screaming or crying at the very least...but I think a rebirth may not be far off.



The sidebar link will tell you who gave birth to HNT and how to play along. Happy HNT!

Weird News Wednesday-You Go, Girl!

Here she is limbering up for her date.



ROME (Reuters) - The zig-zagging car gave them away. When Italian police pulled over the vehicle, they found a completely naked 70-year-old woman who had been trying to have sex with the driver -- 11 years her junior.

(This lady rocks! I say if there aren't any 70 year old men who can keep up, go for the ones who can, Granny!)


After demanding the joy-riding couple get dressed, the police tested the semi-nude male motorist for drunk driving.
"He was three times over the legal (blood-alcohol) limit," said police commander Angelo D'Anardo in the city of Cologno al Serio, northeast of Milan. "We assume they must have been drinking at lunch and then things got out of control."

(Now here is a really fine piece of police reasoning. Three times over the legal limit and the cops say, 'Gee, they must have been drinking.' Ya think so, Sherlock? Also, if the police demanded the couple dress, why was the driver tested semi-nude? Anyone else catch that? Either the police don't know what dressed is or the journalist is a bit confused.)

Asked if the couple were married, D'Anardo said he wasn't sure -- but somehow doubted it. "Married people wouldn't probably do anything like this."

(Sadly, there is a certain logic here.)

Trini Tuesday-Now You're Cooking!

Time for a little cooking lesson Trini style. Tony maybe you could consider this just a part of my audition? First let's label the utensils.

The Pots: This ought to be pretty obvious. In Trinidad this style of pot is always called an iron pot, even though they aren't made with iron anymore. They are big and they are heavy! They also have a bowled bottom to them instead of being flat like a stock pot. The heaviness and the bowl shape are very important in Trini cooking. Things get stewed for a long time and we don't want them burned during the long, slow cook. We also want all the nice juices, or gravy as it is referred to, to pool in the bottom nicely, hence the bowl shape. You can try doing Trini cooking in a flat bottomed pot and it may work ok, but it is just so much easier when you have the right pot. To that end when I decided I needed a bigger pot than what I came home with I carried the bigger one in the picture in my suitcase. That along with tons of bottles of seasonings and a couple bolts of cloth nearly induced a hernia.

The Tawah or Platin Tawah if you are East indian, Platin if you are creole. This is the big, black, flat thingy in the back. It is used for frying roti, which is an East indian flat bread used as a utensil. I am aware of of 4 kinds of roti, I can make 3 of them. The 4th is just too labor intensive and my least favorite to eat so I never learned it. The tawah is made of the same heavy metal as the pots. A nice black one like that means it has been well loved and heavily used.

The Dabla That's the wooden paddle in front of the smaller pot. It is used to make roti. Again, the shape it important. It is flat and has a finely chiselled end. It is used to flip the roti during frying and the chiselled end is critical when making the 'dosti' variety since there are two layers that have to be split apart during the frying process. It's also handy for giving a wallop on the bamsee to anyone interfering with the cooking process.

Now let's move on to some key ingredients.

Lemons Trinis hate the smell of raw meat. When they are preparing anything, whether it is red meat, fish or poultry, it is first washed thoroughly in water and lemon juice. Several rinses occur until the meat smell is neutralized. If a Trini says the meat is smelling 'fresh' that is not a good thing. It should not smell like anything to their way of thinking.

Green Seasoning The tall bottle on the right contains green seasoning. If I were on the island I'd be using fresh, but since I am in the Poconos not all of the ingredients for fresh are avaialble. Green seasoning contains, celery, chives, thyme, and the thing I can't get, chadon beni. After the meat has been washed with lemon, it will have green seasoning, garlic, and onions mixed with it and be left to marinate anywhere from overnight to a half hour.

Congo Peppers The tiny orange pepper is a habanero. It's roughly the size of a congo pepper or scotch bonnet, both of which are a little less hot than a Trini Congo Pepper. Habaneros and Scotch bonnets work in a pinch when congos aren't available. A number of dishes rely on having the Congo Pepper stewed whole in it. If the pepper bursts during cooking the dish is unbelievably hot, but when it remains whole it infuses a nice subtle burn to the dish. The folks who want their food really hot add pepper sauce.

Pepper Sauce The short bottle on the right contains commercial hot sauce, which everyone uses. Even young children might use it, although it has quite a kick to it. The large jar on the left contains the killer homemade pepper sauce that every housewife has her own recipe for. That is the stuff that will burn your eyebrows off. Mr. Lime once made the mistake of putting his fingers in some. Hours later in his sleep he scratched his eye, then his nose, then ....erm...his nether regions. Then he ran screaming down the hall to the bathroom for cold water. It was not a pretty sight. Folks, don't try this at home.

Tomatoes, Garlic, Onions, Bell Peppers Yes, I know there are no bell peppers in this picture. I ran out. So much for me having a properly stocked Trini kitchen. These are staples in Trini cooking and used both in main dishes or sides.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've worked up a bit of an appetite. Happy Trini Tuesday!

Kid in a Candy Store

We are pleased to announce the arrival of a new toy at House of Lime.
A new computer!
Lime has been blogging on a Mac with an old OS so she didn't get all these fun bells and whistles before.
Now she can play with color.
And Size!
And font!

Shiny computer

Staring at me from the desk

I marvel at it.

I can make a silly haiku look oh so poetic by center justifying.

Hhhmm, I tried to figure out the picture thing so text could wrap all around it. I'm not doing something right. And maybe I will finally figure out that whole link magic. I dunno. I'm not going to fool with it anymore at the moment. But you can bet I will fool with it later. I've got more buttons on this 'create post' box than I even knew existed before. Yes, I know this is a pretty dull post for all of you to read. Feel free to laugh at me for my childish excitment. It's ok.

In not so exciting weekend news, I went to the local St. Patrick's parade. Diana marches in the band and the hubby is a firefighter so we've got two people to watch. Isaac was at a friend's house so it was just Calypso and I. We froze our butts off waiting for the parade to start 45 minutes late. Then we got to see every friggin politician in the county trudge past. No, I don't want a pencil, or button, or balloon, or some other stupid piece of junk with your name or face on it. In fact, I don't really want to see you at all. I want to see marching bands, and bagpipers, and floats, and horses, and big Irish dogs that look like they could eat you in two bites. Hey, now there's a thought...Let's get the dogs to chase the politicians. Now THAT would be a parade! But I digress. Calypso and I were frozen to the core. Thank heavens the marching band and the fire trucks were early in the parade. We waved to Diana and Daddy and then hightailed it out of there. Aren't we just full of the holiday spirit??

So what did you do all weekend?

Ten Things I want to Say but Never Will

I am swiping this from Bluebolt. List ten things you want to say to people you know but you never will, for whatever reason, don't say who they are, use each person only once.

1. Could you possibly be a more bitter human being? Get the hell over yourself, the entire world does not owe you.

2. Grow the fuck up.

3. Why did you do that?

4. Please, sir, I want some more.

5. Yes..oh yes! Oh God YES!!!

6. You are the lowest form of life and ought to get on your knees and thank God no one has killed you yet. Moreover, you ought to kiss the feet of those who have spared you and anyone who will have anything to do with you at all.

7. That left a scar.

8. Were you going for the $3 crack whore look?

9. Exactly how stupid do you have to be to put canned goods on top of eggs and fresh produce in with cleaning supplies? Are you a complete moron or am I on Candid Camera??

10. Go away.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest I hope you all have a lovely weekend! It looks to be a great one, so get out there and have fun. But first, feel free to share some things you'd like to get off your chest, either in my comment box or at your place.

HNT-Wearing of the Green

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful......



For more of the good, the bad, and the ugly click the HNT link in the sidebar.

Happy St. Patrick's Day and Happy HNT!

*Oops! I forgot to thank BS for so kindly making my towel green.

Weird News Wednesday

OSLO, Norway - It almost seemed like a miracle to Haldis Gundersen when she turned on her kitchen faucet this weekend and found the water had turned into beer.
(Jackpot!)

Two flights down, employees and customers at the Big Tower Bar were horrified when water poured out of the beer taps. By an improbable feat of clumsy plumbing, someone at the bar in Kristiandsund, western Norway, had accidentally hooked the beer hoses to the water pipes for Gundersen's apartment.
(I'm thinking I may need to look for an apartment over a chocolate factory and work out this kind of mistake. 'I just turned on the bath water, when I came back my tub was FULL of chocolate. I don't know how it happened. Honest!')

"We had settled down for a cozy Saturday evening, had a nice dinner, and I was just going to clean up a little," Gundersen, 50, told The Associated Press by telephone Monday. "I turned on the kitchen faucet and beer came out." However, Gundersen said the beer was flat and not tempting, even in a country where a half-liter (pint) can cost about 25 kroner ($3.75) in grocery stores.
(I am thinking if beer ran through our taps Mr. Lime might be more inclined to help in the post meal clean-up. Hhhmmm.....wheels are turning. There may be some serious market potential here...)

Per Egil Myrvang, of the local beer distributor, said he helped bartenders reconnect the pipes by telephone. "The water and beer pipes do touch each other, but you have to be really creative to connect them together," he told local newspapers.
(They had perhaps been engaged in excessive quality control testing of the beer tap prior to working on it the first time?)

Gundersen joked about having the pub send up free beer for her next party. "But maybe it would be easier if they just invited me down for a beer," she said.
(Pity they had to fix it right before St. Patrick's Day.)

*UPDATE: Hhhmm.....ok, I haven't been to Thom's all week, he posted this story earlier in the week. So, sorry for a repeat (not plagiarism, I repeat NOT plagiarism!), I decided to keep the post anyway. The commentary is all mine. That and I am kinda too lazy to think of anything else, and I have a midterm project that I haven't even started, and....and....and....Oh just deal with it, ok??

Trini Tuesday-Happy Pagwah!

Today is Phagwah, which is another of the holidays brought to Trinidad by the East Indian indentured servants. It is a Hindu Spring festival that commemorates the faithfulness of the Demon King's son, Pralad. The Demon King had exalted himself and demanded that all worship him. Pralad alone remained devoted to Vishnu. As punishment Pralad was to be executed but miraculously survived all attempts on his life, including sitting amidst a bonfire with his sister Holi who perished. The festival can also be referred to as Holi in her memory.

On the eve of Phagwah there are bonfires and music. The daylight gives way to much merrymaking as young and old alike smear each other with paints and colored powders. Water balloons full of dyed water are also commonly used. The drum and cymbal music continues throughout the day and by the end no one is recognizable through the haze of bright colors.

Weekend Report

*Well, I have to start out by telling you that only the last poem I posted on Friday was original to Isaac. I believed him when he told me he composed them. Diana discovered that he had actually swiped the others from a book of Foxtrot comics we have. When she confronted him, evidence in hand, he sheepishly admitted it. Then she berated him for his plagiaristic tendecies to get even for the taunts. Now I may have to go dig out stories of his I know to be original so I can prove the kid is witty. I need a suitable punishment for me as a librarian wannabe who failed to do adequate bibilographic verification too. Eeeeeeek! Apologies for saying the kid wrote all those when he clearly didn't.

*The kids and I went down to my mother's house this weekend for the first time since Christmas. It's odd how as I was graduating high school I wanted to leave and never look back. I was not one of those tearful graduates who had to be pushed from the nest. I couldn't wait to get out of there. As I am getting older there is a strange pull back there though. Just a few odds and ends from the weekend...

*I am officially getting old. I went back for a baby shower for a the wife of a cousin I used to babysit. Darned kid is gonna be a father. What does that make me?? And he's going bald. I'm not old enough to have babysat anyone who could be old enough to be going bald!

*The weirdest baby gift was an electric babywipe warmer. Is it me or does this seem a bit superfluous? The nicest gifts were some personalized handmade items. How can you not love a hand crocheted afghan?

*I mentioned it back in a post in October but it bears repeating. I love driving home through the farm country. The corn fields are ever changing. They tell me spring is on the way.

*It felt good to be barefoot outside for the first time this season. I hate wearing shoes. The paved driveway and the squishy yard felt good under the soles of my feet.

*The sound of my son's laughter is beautiful music. Playing catch OVER my mother's garage roof was a fun, giggle-filled twist. I hope he never forgets how to laugh and be silly.

*Listening to my two girls play a duet on trumpet and clarinet is a moment of pure joy, whether they squeaked notes or not. They are making something beautiful together and enjoying the process. I want them to know what a gift they've been given in each other and to cherish that gift.

*It bothers me that Dad is on the outs with both my brother and my step-brother these days. Why is it more important to these three men that they be 'right' than that they be at peace?

*Watching Mom sew is a comforting thing. I'm not nearly as adept as she is but I am glad she taught me and that I learned well enough to be able to make wearable clothing. I'm happy that she is able to do it for fun now instead of working in a miserable sweatshop of a garment factory like when I was a child.

*I love the way my stepmother giggles like a kid.

*I worry about my stepfather.

*It was a very good weekend. How was yours?

Love Poems

Diana is googly eyed for a boy and this is a great time for her 10 year old brother, Isaac, to let his creativity flow freely. He was composing poetry for his sister and the boyfriend in question. Here are some of the gems.

Roses are red
Like a fiery comet.
Your face could make
Quasimodo vomit.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If something smells bad
It's gotta be you

Roses are red
And here's a small chant
I wish you would drown
In a waste treatment plant.

Please feel free to let this stimulate your inner poet and share a few verses with me.
Happy Weekend all!

*UPDATE: Here's another one the boy added just tonight!
Roses are red,
Daffodils, yellow
You may be a girl
But you look like a fellow

HNT

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead......
















When she was good
She was very, very good.
But when she was bad
She was horrid.




Good and bad alike, may check the link in the sidebar to find out how to play along.

While youare at it, please go wish the dear Idiot a happy birthday at So We Hijacked a Blog

Happy HNT!

Weird News Wednesday-What's at the root of this?

A little something for my Washington state readers

Onion, Potato Grapple For State Veggie Title

OLYMPIA, Wash. -- As some Washington-state school kids are learning, politics can be a rough game. Ninth-grade students at Kirkland Junior High in suburban Walla Walla proposed that the Walla Walla sweet onion be named as the official state vegetable. Although it sounds innocent enough, potato growers objected, saying the spud should get the official nod. The veggie battle has been waging for three years in the Washington state legislature and there's still no official vegetable.

(Is anyone else imagining a food fight here? I mean really, if this debate took place in Taiwan it could get violent. I see bushels of rotten veggies being lobbed at each other via mini-catapaults.

The insults:
You spud-sucking tuber lover!
Go stick an onion where the sun don't shine! Oh, wait, this is Washington...too many options.

Years from now historians may analyze the Russet Filibuster of 2006. Or they may laud the efforts of a humble Lime who stepped forward to propose the Great Compromise of her day! Let the state vegetable be potatoes fried with onions!)

But the children's teacher, Toni Miller, feels at least the kids learned a valuable lesson about politics.

(Yes, they have learned that their legislators have a collective IQ roughly equal to that of the proposed state vegetables.)

Trini Tuesday-Love is in the air

A little more vocabulary expansion today. In honor of Diana being all gaga over this boy I will keep teens and flirting as the theme.

Bamsee: Backside, bottom, posterior, also referred to as bam-bam.
Gyal, de way yuh shakin' yuh bamsee will make a boy go mad!

Bazodee: Giddy or light-headed. Totally confused. Can rfer to being head over heels in love or the disorientation following a car accident. (don't you love that contrast?)
Dat chile takin' one look at Winston an she gone bazodee!

Belly: Intestinal fortitude, guts.
Dat boy have real belly, carryin' on with Flora when he say he love me.

Current: Hinted sexual interest.
Man, I gettin' current from dat gyal in the de red dress.

Cut-eye: A malicious look.
He think I givin' current? Nuh man, I givin' him de cut-eye instead.

Doux-doux: (doo-doo) Sweetheart, sweetiepie.
Come gimme sugah, meh doux-doux.

Love buttons: Pimples, called such because of the frequency with which teeneagers get them and how they fall in and out of love.
Petal, yuh have a few love buttons, gyal. Best keep yuh face clean.

Surprise de water: To finally bathe after a long time.
Well, Renwick mus' be bazodee fuh some gyal. He gone and surprise de water and lookin' so nice all of a sudden

Tabanca: The forlorn feelings when a love affair ends. The increasingly severe forms are tarange, and foofooroo
Things eh work out with Flora an' Winston. Now see dem havin' some real tabanca.

Too-tool-bay: Same as bazodee.
Oh gosh, look how he all mad fuh she. Dat some real too-tool-bay happenin'.

The Evidence

Diana had a friend over on Saturday. This is not unusual except that it was a male friend (here is where Calypso and Isaac make kissing noises and bat their eyes). Diana met this boy as a member of the rifle team, which is co-ed. Diana is a freshman, this boy is a senior. Diana is generally a smart kid, an astute observer, an accurate judge of people and situations. Hormones are dulling these skills just a teensy bit. She swears this boy is 'just a friend.' Everytime she does so I manage not to laugh in her face but she tells me I display the 'smirk of death,' which she finds completely unnerving. Now, Diana is nothing if she is not unflappable. That my innocent little 'smirk of death' sends her into utter hysterics is the first bit of evidence that she is either in complete denial or is blowing smoke up my ass. (May I confess to being delighted that my smirk blows her circuitry....after all this is the kid who told me at the age of 3 1/2 that she would not use the potty because 1) God didn't want her too and 2) She didn't want me to control her.)

Allow me to present further evidence. Ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, I submit to you the giggle. Diana is NOT a giggler. She never has been. She cackles maniacally. She laughs derisively. She guffaws heartily. She does not giggle girlishly...UNTIL..making the acquaintaince of the boyfriend in question. Suddenly, nervous titters emanate from this child whenever she receives a phone call or mentions the name of the boyfriend in question.

Exhibit 2 is the body language. Upon arriving at the scene of rifle practice I observed, while my presence was undetected, Diana and the boyfriend in question apart from the rest of the group. She was sitting on the steps. He was laying with his head in her lap as she stroked his hair and beamed with enough wattage to power our municipality. At other times the positions have been reversed. As she made the assertion that the two are 'only friends' I inquired if she was in the practice of assuming that particular position with all of her other male friends. For probably only the second time in her life she was utterly speechless.

Do we need more evidence, ladies and gentlemen? May I submit the testimony of Diana's friends. They have referred to him within my earshot as 'Diana's boyfriend.' Diana herself has reported the shock her friends display when she denies any romantic interest in the boyfriend in question. 'Mom, they all think we are boyfriend and girlfriend! Can you believe that?' 'Sweetheart, I am shocked to think that sneaking off alone during rifle practice and being found in a lingering embrace could EVER give anyone such an idea!' (insert smirk of death)

The next bit of evidence is the nervous demeanor of the boyfriend in question. As I mentioned, he came to visit this weekend. When I answered the door I thought he'd have a heart attack on the spot. I offered my hand, welcomed him in and he stood there trembling and barely able to make eye contact. When he was just about ready to leave, Diana came upstairs to relay the message that the boyfriend in question did not know how to appropriately take his leave. She informed me that he had spent the last 10 minutes trying out departing phrases on her and finally asked her to inquire as to how best to say goodbye. Diana also informed me that the boyfriend in question was scared to death of me. Ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, does this strike you as the behavior of a mere friend who happens to be of a different gender or does it resemble the behavior of an intimidated suitor? (And may I add how delighted that all 5'4" of me can put the fear of God into an 18 year old boy?)

Finally, I will offer my last piece of evidence. The Blush. When it came time for the boyfriend in question to depart, Diana accompanied him to his vehicle. After a rather lengthy absence she returned inside and came to the kitchen to speak to me. I asked rather nonchalantly, 'Was the goodbye kiss any good?' Diana proceeded to display upon her cheeks every known shade of red and pink, and perhaps a few previously unknown ones. I displyed the smirk of death.

If you'd like to see the 'Application to date my daughter' check Insane Asylime.

Grammy and Me

I dug out this old picture to go with the story. Grammy was never as stern as she looks in the picture, it's all a put on because she liked to get a laugh. I am licking a spoon of some of her magic caramel icing in my mother's kitchen. Grammy was trying to pass on the secrets of the magic. It never quite took but I can still taste the marvelous sweetness if I close my eyes and think of it. If you haven't read the story yet, scroll down to the post below to learn about her magic.

Magic

I was so blessed to have all four of my grandparents when I was growing up. I also had the good fortune to know two of my great grandmothers, both known as Grammy. My grandparents were an anchor when the rest of life spun out of control. They affirmed me and loved me unconditionally and encouraged my creativity. But my one Grammy, she was magic.

I am the oldest of the great-grandchildren and my memories of Grammy are markedly different from the generation before me. By the time I came along, Grammy was a widow and no longer lived in the farmhouse that was the family homestead. It had become too much for her to tend to and so she sold the land to her church, which wanted to erect a new building. My grandparents converted their second floor into an apartment for her and the farmhouse was razed to make way for the church. The older generations all have fond memories of the farmhouse. I have only seen pictures.

My memories of her dwellings are of the tiny second floor apartment. I grew up only a mile away from my grandparents and spent a lot of time visiting them at their house. A visit to Nana and Grampop’s was never complete without a trip upstairs. After card games with Nana or a number of songs on Grampop’s guitar I’d start to get the itch. The magic would pull me. Nana could see it in my eyes before I ever said a word, ‘Go on, climb the wooden hill to Grammy’s.’

I’d wander out to the hallway and stare up the steep flight and run my hand along the old banister as my little legs climbed each step, my expectation rising as I ascended. Many times a delicious smell or the sounds of some old music I didn’t recognize would draw me along. The magic started to swirl.

I’d reach the top and see her bathroom with all sorts of fancy atomizers and powder puffs and frilly things to hide what she deemed unmentionable. To the right I’d see her open door, the portal to a wonderland. Since the apartment had been designed for her it was built to accommodate her short stature. When she welcomed me in I’d marvel at how I could reach everything! It was magic! She’d draw me into the kind of hug only a ‘pleasingly plump’ (one of her favorite phrases) farmwoman can give. My little arms would stretch around her sides and my fingers would trail up the stays in her corset. No one else I knew wore them. Surely this was more magic.

She’d settle me in at her kitchen table and give me some snack. I got milk out of a jelly jar or on occasion she’d give me some delicate china cup…more magic. The treats were always something home-baked. They were delectables no one else in the family could duplicate, because she was magic.

Once my little belly was sated the stories began. With a magic twinkle in her eyes she’d tell me of one-room schoolhouses, arsonist farmhands, horses and buggies, the great-grandfather I never knew, my grandfather’s misbehavior as a child. She could recite her school lessons from her earliest years. I had my favorite stories and poems and asked for them over and over. She could hold me spellbound all afternoon with her stories. Sometimes she’d bring out some enchanting prop to go with a story. There might be a fancy Victorian beaded purse or feather fan, crackled sepia photos with faintly recognizable faces, or a baby doll older than my grandparents. Every bit held its own magic and the magic grew when she trusted my clumsy little fingers with the treasures.

The day came when she could no longer climb the stairs to her apartment so she moved in with my aunt. She had lost most of her eyesight and her pleasingly plump frame had withered. She still managed to turn out delicious baked goods and her mind remained sharp as ever. Surely the magic was still there. Then she had a stroke from which she never recovered. During her last weeks in the hospital she drifted in and out of consciousness and was only able to make unintelligible utterances. My mother told me when I was grown, however, during what she knew would be her last visit to the hospital she had spent time at Grammy’s bedside, told her, ‘I love you’ and lingered a few moments before leaving. As my mother reached the door, the surprise of a faint reply came, ‘Love…you…too.’ One last bit of magic.

HNT-Winter's Vengeance

Damn that Punxatawny Phil last month...Winter came roaring back with a vengeance this week. It was 13 F at my son's bus stop on Monday morning. So I hope you'll forgive the bags under my eyes, it was early. And this is all the skin I am showing in such cold and when the wind is whipping. Limesicle anyone?



The HNT link in the sidebar should not make anyone's computer freeze, but it should show you how to play along.

Happy HNT everyone....now someone pass me the hot cocoa!

UPDATE: A snow day has been called for Thursday which means I got kids around, which seriously hinders my HNT-ing....Damn that Phil....He needs to be slowly rotisserized. Oh well, it means sledding on the killer sled run we have too and that's a good thing.

Tagged again

Bluebolt tagged me with a list of fours so here goes. I am throwing in a few of the things from Snavy's list of threes too, just because some of them looked fun.

4 Things I need every morning
Orange Juice
A shower
Breakfast
Hugs and kisses

4 Things that turn me off
Power outages
Greed
Insensitivity
Arrogance

4 things I believe in
God
Taking responsibility for yourself
Forgiveness
The power of chocolate

4 things I am afraid of
Ski masks
Horror movies
Something awful happening to my children
A world-wide chocolate shortage

4 things I do every day
Breathe
Eat
Eliminate
Sleep

4 things I want to do before I die
Bathe in a vat of chocolate
Visit Greece for several months
See my children grow up to be people of character
Paint a combine like a giraffe

4 people I want to see
There are too many to pick just 4, so I will say several of my blog buddies and my 3 closest friends who all moved away within a year of each other.

4 numbers that rule my life
Social security number
Phone number
My weight
42

4 favorite colors
Puce and pomegranite polka dots with a heavenly blue border and sea green flecks

3 names you won't answer to
Shelly (Well, I may answer but you won't like the form it takes)
Hey, you!
Call me anything else, just don't call me late to dinner.

3 parts of your heritage
Greek
Pennsylvania Dutch
Homo sapien

3 things you are wearing right now
I have to be wearing something? Sheesh, ok.
Deodorant
Moisturizer
Lip balm

3 favorite songs
Didn't we cover this last week?

3 of your hobbies
Blogging
Playing guitar badly
Driving the Mom-taxi

3 places you want to visit
Greece
Trinidad
Australia

3 ways you are unstereotypically male/female
I don't wear or even own make-up.
I like snakes and lizards and want one as a pet.
I know the names of various power and hand tools and how to use them.

4 People to tag....I don't usually tag but today I will tag
BS because he says he needs blogging ideas.
Idiot because he's been kind of silent lately.
Gloria Jean because she tagged me last week, hehehe.
Jericho because he made the comment that no one tags him.