Weekend Stuff

• Mr. Lime and Diana arrived safely in Louisiana late Saturday night. They are currently in the 9th ward of New Orleans. Mr. Lime says it's "interesting but he's not ready to relocate." Ok, glad we agree on that relocation thing.
• I got my car back on Saturday...ya know, the one I just had a new transmission put into but then 24 hours later it went back because it was leaking fluid. I'm definitely not impressed with the mechanics. They couldn't find my key, then realized it was left in the ignition, clicked on, leaving my battery dead. Idiots.
• A very, very kind friend saw me shuffling though the deli aisle late Friday. I had run off with Mr. Lime's truck for the hour he wasn't using it so I could go to the chiropractor to try to kill the headache and then the grocery store to get food because who knew how long I'd be without a vehicle. She asked what was going on because she saw how rough I was looking and had just heard about 2/5 of my family leaving for 6 weeks and I filled her in on the lack of wheels. I melted down a little when I told her and she very graciously INSISTED she be allowed to take me wherever I needed to go until I had a car again and if I still didn't have my car by today she had an extra one she'd let me use. Bless her.
  
• My migraine is gone. I spent two days feeling horrid then a day in post migraine brain fog. Good riddance.
• I've had two dinner invites for the remaining kids and myself so far. Much appreciated.
• One was Sunday night so a friend's son could show off his new sound system with these subwoofers that vibrate the foundation of the house. Seriously, this thing was more powerful than any movie theater I've ever been in. It was insane. Thank God the migraine was gone.
• I am taking today and tomorrow to tie up loose ends and then heading out to Maryland to sit my butt in the sun, read books and swim in the river for a few days. Calypso will visit my mom (she wanted no part of the river for whatever reason). Isaac and a pal of his will come to the beach.

I know this is not the most interesting post in the world but that's an update of where I stand. Thanks again for the well wishes. Better stuff tomorrow.

Friday Stuff

• It's 3:30AM. Mr. Lime and Diana just left for 6 weeks in Louisiana.

• 12 hours ago a migraine from the depths of hell climbed out of the pit and began eating the top of my skull. I've taken stupid amounts of drugs to kill it and in the couple of hours we had a truck I went to the chiropractor. It is still killing me.
  

• Less than 24 hours ago both Mr. lime's truck and my van were back at the mechanic's.

• We have spent over $2000 trying to make both cars roadworthy in the last 2 and a half weeks.
• My van is still in the shop.
• I wanted to make a nice dinner for everyone before they left but I was too busy trying not to puke from this headache and then laying in bed crying because it hurt so bad.
• I got up to say goodbye.
  
• I'm going back to bed now and praying my family stays safe on the long drive and while they are away.
• I don't know if this is 55 words or not and I don't care. My head hurts too much to count words.
• As for Da Count....I'll be thankful migraines aren't fatal even though this one feels that way. Mr. Lime should be thankful I didn't feel well enough to hurt him when he declined to give me a goodbye kiss and only did so after our daughter insisted he did.
  

Slice of Lime-Bare Necessities

I didn't have time to take a new picture this week but I thought I'd stick with the monkey theme. Jungle Book is my all-time favorite Disney movie. I always wanted to be Mowgli. this is a picture from over 2 years ago before I fell off my backyard zipline. After that incident this tree swing (in addition to the zipline), which I loved, was dismantled to prevent me doing further harm to myself. I do miss it though.

So this week you get an old picture of me but one I think captures a side of my personality well, along with a song from the movie.

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life

Wherever I wander, wherever I roam
I couldn't be fonder of my big home
The bees are buzzin' in the tree
To make some honey just for me
When you look under the rocks and plants
And take a glance at the fancy ants
Then maybe try a few

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That's why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life

Now when you pick a pawpaw
Or a prickly pear
And you prick a raw paw
Next time beware
Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw
When you pick a pear
Try to use the claw
But you don't need to use the claw
When you pick a pear of the big pawpaw
Have I given you a clue ?

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

So just try and relax, yeah cool it
Fall apart in my backyard
'Cause let me tell you something little britches
If you act like that bee acts, uh uh
You're working too hard

And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will come to you

Welcome to the Madhouse

Diana's blood cocoa levels had dropped precipitously so she felt the need to rectify the situation immediately. She decided to make brownies at the exact time I was preparing to make dinner. I suggested she make herself useful in the kitchen by expediting dinner's preparation. She insisted on dessert prep. She came to me with some new brownie recipe I had never seen. By now I was feeling weak from the lack of chocolate myself so I told her to get my recipe for saucepan brownies instead because it's easier and a guaranteed winner.

She got the recipe and started to gather ingredients and many bowls. I reminded her the title of the recipe was SAUCEPAN brownies, ergo no need for bowls, only a saucepan. She began to rant about the stupidity of making brownies in a saucepan as she reached for my 12 inch skillet.

"No dear, you need a saaaaauuuucepaaaaaan." I reminded her as I made gestures indicating size and shape of said implement.
"I don't even know what a saucepan is!" she retorted.
"You might if you ever helped make something useful like dinner." I countered.

I described a saucepan and directed her to the correct cupboard as she first waved a smaller frying pan, then a stock pot. Finally, as I continued coaching her in the identification and selection of an actual saucepan, she grabbed the right one and began banging it on the edge of the kitchen table as she shouted, "This is what you sound like right now....bang bang bang..... and I can't take it anymore.....crash crash crash...... I don't even want to make brownies at all anymore because you are making me crazy....bang crash bang...I just wanted to make brownies not have a lesson on the name of every stupid pot in the kitchen!...clang clang clang"

Now dear reader, it is important to note she was not banging the pot in complete anger. She just hates to be instructed and can't stand being wrong. The absurdity of the conversation and her reaction was actually making me laugh too. So it was at this point when I grabbed a small enamel pot and its lid and began clanging them together in time with her own saucepan banging. Over her own high decibel protests I added my own loud declaration of her ridiculous reaction to simple directives, "No one is being louder than you are....bang bang bang....Do you realize how ridiculous this is.....crash crash crash....this is how you sound all because you hate to be wrong...bang crash bang...See now I can be loud like you!...clang clang clang"

Amidst the insanity of the shouting and the clanging banging of pots and pans interspersed with a few giggles a figure appeared in the kitchen doorway. It was Isaac clad only in his jock strap and baseball socks. He stood akimbo and demanded, "What is going on in here?!" The kitchen fell silent just before he turned to depart and mooned us. After a moment of reflection Diana and I dissolved into a fit of giggles.

Monkeying Around

One of my favorite phrases for describing the ease of a given job or responsibility when someone in the House of Lime complains about the difficulty or work required is, "Listen, a trained chimp could do this!" Dear, I don't paint walls because I wouldn't do a good job....(insert phrase as my response). Mom, it takes too long to clean my room...(insert phrase). Why do we have to clear the dinner table?...(insert phrase). It has been suggested that my comparison could be damaging to fragile egos. In an attempt to be fair I have decided to go up against a chimp and see how I perform in comparison.

Your Final Quiz Score: 35 right out of a possible 60
The Monkey's Final Score: 14 right out of 60

You asserted your intellectual superiority brilliantly! The monkey is now left contemplating his own inferiority. Where others have failed to claim the mantel of unequivocal dominance over lesser species, you have truly succeeded! Congratulations on besting the ape and reaffirming the capabilities of the human mind. You have done mankind proud.

You scored in the 84th percentile.
(84% of quiz takers scored worse than you)

Geography Your score: 11 Monkey's score: 4 -- Quite a sufficient job.	History Your score: 10 Monkey's score: 2 -- Nicely done.
Science/Technology Your score: 6 Monkey's score: 5 -- Good enough I suppose.	Random Trivia Your score: 8 Monkey's score: 3 -- Good but not great.

Link: Famous Monkey Trivia Quiz


Well, it would seem I don't need to start eating bananas or sidling up to short, hairy guys in the hopes that they'll begin grooming me. I'm quite relieved.

Sari It's Another Meme

Mona got me!

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
Well, I am already married. Do you mean divorce and remarry or perhaps choose a second consort to the Queen of Memes?

2. If the end was near and you had the chance, what would you say to your beloved?
Smoking or non-smoking, darling?

3. If sex is a game … would you be good at it?
Well, I doubt I'd be offered multimillion dollar contracts as a free agent or make the Olympic team but I think I'd be competitive in backyard pick up games.

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
The bathroom, excuse me for a minute....

5. If you could have 1 dream come true, what would it be?
Well it sure wouldn't be the one I wrote this Friday 55 about!

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Well, maybe if we went back to bartering chickens and goats. Even then, wouldn't the chickens and goats just be the currency?

7. What are you most afraid to lose?
My marbles

8. If you won $1 million, what would you do?
Ask if they could give it to me in rolls of quarters. I hate scrambling for change at the toll booths and parking meters.

9. If someone broke your hand, what would you do?
Let's see....When it actually did happen I believe I stayed on the ground thinking I was damn lucky not to land on the boulder next to me, went into shock, and waited for the EMTs to come carry me out and stick me into a helicopter. Of course, I had a lot more than just my hand broken. I also had a strange concern for my Birkenstocks. I didn't want them staying outside and getting rained on all night.

10. List 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
She's brilliant, compassionate, and lovely.

11. How would you feel if your parents stopped giving you cash to spend?
You are kidding, right? I'm 39. Ask me how many years it has been since they said, "Here's a wad of cash for you to spend."

12. Describe your fantasized-life.
My life is perfect I want for nothing. Wait lemme try that again, I didn't get through it with a straight face.

13. What is your ambition?
To muster up some ambition.

14. What is the one thing that would make you think someone is bad?
Like James said, if you harm children you are bad.

15. What are the most important things in your life?
People, not things, are what is important to me.

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
Emphatically not. Shopping is a special brand of torment.

17. If you had the chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
If you think I am a character you should meet some of my old neighbors.

18. Do you believe in yourself?
Believe as in know I exist? I think therefore I am.
Believe as in trust my own abilities? I think I can.

19. Honestly, do you think life is fair?
I think mine is more like a circus than a fair.

20. Are you an optimist or pessimist?
I alternate between being a realist who vacillates between hope and defeat and being an idealist who knows how she wants things to be but knows it will never happen and yet keeps striving.

Da Count- Wash Lines

This particular story is not intended as a "woe is me" type of post. It's just strong memories that came rushing back to me when I watched Calypso hanging laundry yesterday. I merely share it as a snapshot of particular moments and a somewhat meandering route to Da Count this week.

It's a cool Saturday in October and I have just turned 7. I've carried up the wash basket full of wet clothes from the basement and now I inch along the wash line as I pin up each piece of clothing. It's a chilly day. The wet clothes and cold air make my fingers sting. I have a rhythm. Take a piece from the basket, 2 clothespins from the bag, step up on the wooden box to reach the line, pin the clothes, step down and shuffle the box before retrieving the next wet article. Mommy told me how to do it before I came out here. In between the shuffles I bring my fingers to my mouth so my breath can warm them.

This is all at my new house in town. We just moved here from a big house in the country where we had a vegetable garden as big as this sad excuse for a yard. At my old house I only had to keep my room clean and help in the garden. Helping in the garden was a game not work. My room was only mine. It was pretty. I didn't share it with my brother and it was warm and didn't have graffiti on the walls like my new room. What kind of stupid boys with stupid parents draw all over the walls like they did at this house before we came here? Now my room is cold, there is no electricity or heat in it. I hear the neighbor girl play her loud music on the other side of the wall when I try to sleep. I listen to my brother toss in his bed on the other side of the curtain that divides the room we share.

I hang another shirt as I see the girl who lives across the alley do cartwheels in her yard while her daddy applauds. My mommy is inside the house on the couch. She is not allowed to do any work because she has blood clots in her legs. When I asked if the blood clots meant she would die she said it was a possibility. I need to be a big girl and do more jobs in the house so Mommy can rest and get well. I step off my box again and kick it along the ground to the next spot. Stupid box. The box is about 2 feet long and a foot wide with a divider going lengthwise inside it. It's painted pale green. It's what Daddy built when I asked for a doll house. Only none of my dolls could ever fit into it even when I bent them like they were sitting. He went away not long after he gave it to me. Then we moved. Then Mommy got sick. Now my "doll house" is what I stand on so I can reach the wash line to hang wet clothes in the cold at an ugly house so Mommy can get better and not die while a neighbor girl performs before her adoring father. I hang the last piece, put the box in the basket, and drag it inside.

Months later when it is Spring Daddy picks my brother and me up for a Sunday visit. We go to the new house where he lives with his girlfriend. I am following him up the walk next to the wash line at this new house. There are strange lacy things hanging on the line. I stare at them and try to figure out what they are. Finally I ask. Daddy says they are his girlfriend's panties. I ask why they are ripped and he hustles me along but doesn't answer. I ask her later if she will get new panties soon because the ones on the line are all ripped right up the middle. She giggles and tells me they aren't ripped, they are crotchless. Daddy gets angry. I'm very confused.

Over the years of childhood, adolescence, early marriage and parenthood I hang countless loads of laundry on the line. There is some sort of zen-like serenity in hanging it slowly, filling the line and ordering the clothes from largest to smallest, snapping towels to fluff up the fibers, following the rhythm. It's a peaceful and precise ritual. At night when I slide between fresh sheets that smell of outdoors I inhale the peace. I'd never consider living somewhere that doesn't allow wash lines.

Calypso tells me she needs to do her laundry. I remind her that since the weather is warm and dry we use the wash line instead of the dryer to save the electricity. She says, "Ok." I've gone into my bedroom to put something away. Out of my window I see her slowly fill the line, pants together, then shirts, then undies and socks. I am glad for the peace in our earlier exchange. I am glad for her responsibility. I am glad there are no perplexing garments. I am glad she doesn't need a wooden box and the air is warm.

Slice of Lime-Business Time

Flight of the Conchords is a hilarious duo from New Zealand. The ever lovely Logo introduced me to them via this song "Business Time" quite a while ago.

Aww Yeah
Girl, tonight we're gonna make love
You know how I know?
Because it's Wednesday
And Wednesday night is the night that we usually make love
Monday night is my night to cook
Tuesday night we go and visit your mother
But Wednesday we make sweet weekly love




That's when everything is just right
There's nothing good on tv


You haven't had your after work social sports team practice
So you are not too tired
Oh, boy, it's all on
You lean in and whisper something sexy in my ear like,
"I might go to bed now. I've got work in the morning."
I know what you're trying to say girl.
You're trying to say "Aww, yeah. It's business time. It's business time.”

It’s business
It’s business time
I know what you’re trying to say
You're trying to say it's time for business,
it's business time, oooh
It's business
It's business time
Aww ohooowoah yeah

Then in the bathroom brushing our teeth
That's all part of the foreplay; i love foreplay
Then you sort out the recycling
That isn't part of the foreplay process,
but it is still very important


Next thing you know we're in the bedroom
You're wearin' that baggy old ugly T-shirt you got from your work several years ago
Mmmm, you know the one, baby
With the cola stain


I remove my clothes
Very very clumsily
Tripping sensually over my pants.

Now I'm naked
Except for my socks
And you know when I'm down to just my socks
what time it is

It's business
It's business time
When I'm down to my socks it's time for business
That's why they're called business socks, oooh
It’s business
It’s business time
Oooh, hoo hoo hoo oooh yeah, yeah

Making love
Making love for
Making love for two
Making love for two minutes
When it's with me girl you only need two minutes,
because I'm so intense


You whisper something sexy like, "Is that it?"
I know what you’re trying to say, girl
You're trying to say, "Aww yeah, that's it"
And then you tell me you want some more
Well, uh... I'm not surprised
But I'm quite sleepy

Mmm
It's business
It's business time
Business hours are over, baby
It's business
It's business time

AlphaLime

Pilfered from Coopernicus

A is for your age:
Old enough

B is for your burger of choice:
Veggie burger with some leaves of basil, sliced tomatoes, black pepper, and either mozzarella or provolone melted over the whole mess.

C is for the car that you drive:
That would currently be Mr. Lime's truck Jezebel since my van is STILL waiting for a $!@^&#*!! transmission...that is on the rare occasions when Jezebel is available.

D is for dog’s name:
Quat would be a good name. That way I could call it by saying "Come, Quat!"

E is for an essential item you use each day:
Oxygen

F is for your favorite television show:
You know, I am really pining for a marathon of that show Paris Hilton and whatsherface did when they drove around in a RV and lived with normal people and behaved deplorably. Vapid brats RVing is great TV...not.

G is for favorite game:
Well, up until I was 17 I had a gap in my front teeth. I could do some pretty convincing bird calls through it. My Algebra I teacher was not the brightest woman nor did she do much to aid our understanding. Our classroom had a window out to the courtyard. I sat next to the windows and whenever things got excruciatingly dull (pretty much most days) I'd chirp until she waddled over to the window to look for the pretty birdies while the class stifled giggles. She'd give up and haul herself back to the front of class then I'd start chirping again. I could burn up about 10-15 minutes of class on that. Yeah, that was a fun game.

H is for hometown:
A place known for producing caskets and baseball players.

I is for instruments played:
Sigh....

J is for favorite juice:
Orange. If you think deprived coffee drinkers are ugly in the morning just mess with my OJ supply and see what happens.

K is for what you’d like to kick:
The person who drank the last of the OJ and didn't tell me we needed more before the morning.

L is for last restaurant you dined at:
Panera when I had my little escape from rude children and unsupportive husbands. I had a strawberry poppyseed salad, with a whole grain baguette, chocolate crumb pastry, and a half lemonade/half iced tea to drink. I enjoyed every mouthful. It was delicious.

M is for your favorite Muppet:
I always loved when Grover was a waiter and he drove his poor customer out of his mind. I am terribly fond of Ernie for his joie de vivre (and the way he got under Burt's skin too). Kermit was smart and gentle and I loved him for it. I think it is heretical that Cookie Monster now eats only healthy food. Part of his appeal to a kid is how he got away with a bad diet and bad manners. We all knew that was naughty. Give us some credit for being smart enough to know he wasn't intended as a positive role model. Moving from Sesame Street to the Muppet Show...Animal ROCKS! Miss Piggy irritated me beyond reason. Kermit was utterly henpecked...pigpecked? Ok, so I've expounded at some length rather than answering this...you'll live.

N is for number of piercings you have:
I'm told my screams are piercing.

O is for overnight hospital stays:
No thank you, the beds are lumpy, the fashions are drafty, and the food is ghastly.

P is for people you were with today:
Do you mean only those who are physically present or all the ones in my head too?

Q is for what you do in quiet times:
What are quiet times?

R is for regrets:
I've had a few...

S is for status:
Socio-economic? Financial? Marital? Mental?

T is for time you woke up today:
Blessed joy that is mine...whenever the heck I felt like it. I set this to post automatically while I am still snoozing under my tie dyed sheets and visions of chocolate dance in my head.

U is for what you consider unique:
This

V is for favorite vegetable:
Cacao grows on trees so that makes chocolate a vegetable or a fruit at least, right?

W is for your worst habit:
Procrast.....meh, I'll get to this when I have time.

X is for x-rays you have had:
Crimony, my arm alone has had dozens of them taken. And I am really annoyed that when I asked for copies of that dramatic compound fracture they wouldn't give me one. Yeah, I am weird. I know. You're not the first person to tell me that. You certainly won't be the last either.

Y is for yummy food you ate today:
On the day I answered this I made more of that German Potato Salad for another picnic. In the last 4 days I have consumed my USRDA of bacon grease for the next decade.

Z is for zodiac sign:
Traditional? Chinese? Or Madame Lime's Chocolate Zodiac?

Pennsylvania German Tuesday-Heart Attack in a Bowl

Take a good look at this. This, my friends, is a little bowl of heaven. This is a sweet and sour pile of bacony happiness. This is German Potato Salad. This is my grammy's recipe. Don't even talk to me about cold potato salad made with some slimy, mayonnaise based dressing. These are red potatoes coated in hot bacon dressing. Mmmmmm.....excuse me for a minute...oooohhh yeah......Are you drooling yet? Just be careful, you don't want to short out your keyboard. Since it would be cruel of me to tempt you thusly and provide no relief I am prepared to share the treasure that is my grammy's recipe.


First, you need to get a hold of a pound of bacon and dice it up. I find that easier than frying the strips and crumbling it up later. However, if you really dig getting your fingers all greasy, knock yourself out. Mmmmmm, smell the bacon frying. I can feel my arteries harden as it fries. You want to make sure you fry it very crisp because when it goes in the dressing I think it is gross if it's all limp and soggy. Eeewww. I just made myself ill even considering it. I am open minded enough to accept you may want flaccid bacon in your salad, I just don't want it in mine. Once it is fried to an appropriate level of crispness take the bacon pieces out of the pan and put them on a plate. Now, get ready because here is where your arteries all contract in unison and you go into cardiac shock....DO NOT drain the bacon fat out. You need it to make the dressing. Yeah, see that title up there? I believe in truth in advertising. I warned you.


Into the frying pan full of bacon grease you are going to add 2 cups of water, 1 cup of sugar, 1/2 cup of apple cider vinegar (Ok, if you only have white vinegar I won't argue with you.), and two beaten eggs. Take some of the water and make a roux with 4 Tbsp of flour and black pepper to taste then add that back into the rest of the liquid before you pour it all in the pan full of grease.






It's going to look fairly vile when you add it all together. Just close your eyes for a moment and smell the bacon. Forget how it looks. But stir it constantly over medium heat until it bubbles and thickens.














Keep stirring. In a few minutes it will look like this. Much more appetizing, no? Yes, I thought you'd agree. I forgot to tell you earlier that you'll want to dice up 4 stalks of celery. That's not actually in Grammy's original recipe but that's my own tweak because I do like something a little crunchy in my potato salad and NOT undercooked spuds. Once the dressing looks like thick gravy and you turn off the heat you can throw the diced up celery and fried bacon pieces into it.





Oh yeah, I never quite told you about the spuds either did I? Well, before you ever started frying the bacon and inhaling the joyous aroma that is sizzling pork fat you want to have cut up and boiled 5 pounds of red potatoes. Can you make this with other kinds of potatoes? Technically, yes you can, but it would just be WRONG. My grammy won't come haunt you or anything. She was a very gracious sort. Sadly, I lack the level of virtue she achieved. I will glare at you menacingly until you use the red potatoes. Don't get an attitude with me. I cut you slack on how you want to fry your bacon and what kind of vinegar to use. If you want to go against me on the spud issue go ahead just don't go calling it my grammy's recipe. I can't abide that sort of heresy. But I digress....Ok, so there in the back is the hot bacon dressing all completed. In the front are the just boiled spuds. Please notice we keep the skins ON the spuds. This is another important consideration. I didn't like that when I was a kid. Grammy told me to eat my potato skins, they'd put hair on my chest. I was aghast. "Grammy! I'm a girl! I don't want hair on my chest!" I learned to eat my potato skins. Now I can't live without them. I am happy to report my chest does not sport any excess hair. And NO, I will not be offering photographic proof. You'll just have to take my word for it.


So now is the magic moment when hot dressing meets warm potatoes and you stir it all around. Now be gentle so you don't wind up with mashed potatoes, ok? Of course, it also helps if you don't cook the spuds to mush. This pot here has no calories because I used my handy-dandy, industrial strength calorie extractor on it. No calories whatsoever (she says with fingers crossed behind her back).

Ok, so I lied when I said it has no calories. It probably has about 4000 calories per bite. But when the magic moment where spud meets mouth occurs, trust me, you.will.not.care. Don't believe me? Ok, well when I made it this weekend for a picnic and a chef type guy I know, who also teaches other who wannabe chefs, took a bite of this he said, "This is seriously the best German Potato Salad in the world. That's some old school goodness. I need you to come talk to my students." (When I explained the recipe to him I thought he'd weep because I used the word "roux." Apparently his students have a mental block against the concept of a roux. Personally, I have a mental block against flour lumps in my potato salad, hence I have embraced the roux. Sing it with me...Roux, roux, roux your sauce, gently in the pan....) While my favorite way to have this is when it's all still warm, if you should happen to have any left it's not half bad cold either.

Lime's Grammy's German Potato Salad

5 lbs red skin potatoes, cut up and boiled
1 lb. bacon, diced and fried crisp
4 stalks celery, diced
2 cups water
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
2 eggs, beaten
4 Tbsp flour

-While spuds boil, fry the bacon. Remove bacon from pan when done but reserve the bacon grease.
-Make a roux with the flour and a little of the water.
-Mix together water, sugar, cider, eggs, and the roux then pour it into the pan of grease.
-Stir over medium heat until it bubbles and thickens.
-Remove from heat and add the bacon pieces and diced celery into the dressing.
-Pour dressing over cooked potatoes.

Fress up! (That means "Eat!")

Lessons From a Father

I wrote this for Father's Day last year. If you don't recall it or if you are new to my blog since that time I'd appreciate if you took a moment to read it as it explains some of the background for today's post.

Growing up under my father's influence was fairly difficult at times. He's a hard man who can be impossible to please. He's an angry man who is easy to ignite. I'm not saying it was an unmitigated horror. It wasn't. It was just painful. I can't engage in some sentimental remembrance of tender times with him but I can think back over the lessons that have come from being his daughter. Some came from happy experiences, others didn't. As you read this, please do not read any of it with a tone of sarcasm. Although I can be prone to that, this is not one of those times. I just think any difficulty has its lessons and I don't want to waste the lesson, lest I have to repeat it.

From Dad I learned...

• Riding a motorcycle is a great joy in life.
  
• The best way to enjoy a thunderstorm is on the back porch with your dog next to you as you watch the lightning dance over a field.
• When you are 4, if you can sit on Daddy's shoulders the big waves in the ocean are not so scary.
• It is important to be precise in communication.
• It is important to be able to defend your ideas.
• Don't accept authority blindly.
• Some people will never be pleased with any effort you make so your effort should not be for their sake.
• Love is not always forever, sometimes people change their minds.
• Some people are givers, others are takers.
• Avoid angry people.
• Never let them see you sweat.
• Some people will not honor that which is honorable.
  
• Don't ask a question unless you are prepared to hear the worst possible answer.
  
• If you don't deal with your own wounds you're only going to wound other people.
• The pain you inflict ripples out farther than you care to see.
• Some bullies back down when you screw up the courage to confront them.
• Sometimes when you've long since given up waiting for a person to apologize, in a surprising moment, an acknowledgment of wrongdoing comes very quietly.

As I did last year I just want to thank the men who stop by here who are good fathers, who love their children, who nurture their children patiently and lovingly. I want to thank the men who may not be fathers but who have influenced kids in their lives in a positive way, who have inspired a child whether that child has been an extended family member, or a neighbor, or a student, or the child of a friend. To each of those men I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making the world a better place for a child by offering the best of yourselves.

Friday 55 & Da Count-Sweet Release

FRIDAY 55


So many days have passed in this cell. I've scratched my name where I've been shackled. When I'm gone the next condemned soul will know someone else once felt the same burden in this hole. At first the sentence didn't seem so bad. It became interminable. Now my release date has come.

School's out!

(This is a rerun since it's been such a long, horrid school year for all three kids and yesterday was the last day.)




DA COUNT

Ok, so a great number of you have told me I need to come visit you and barring that I just need to escape from time to time. Wednesday night there was more strife and bad attitude from all three kids. I meted out consequences to all of them and they were protesting and telling me to go away when their dad came home. I informed him of the respective consequences for each child and that I;d been told to depart and was going to oblige everyone right now. I said goodbye very sweetly but gave no indication of where I was going or when I'd be coming home

Then I went to the library's used book sale which was having half-price day. I picked up 13 books for $7.50. BARGAIN! It was quite lovely to spend a couple of hours pouring over the huge meeting room of books. Among my finds are a giant book of snarky cartoons related to marriage, a copy of Elements of Style, a bunch of biographies, a book of quilt patterns, Whitman's "Leaves of Grass," ooohh...and a copy of The Pearl: A Journal of Voluptuous Reading: The Underground Magazine of Victorian England Apparently that last one is Victorian erotica. For 25 cents how could I resist?

After the book sale I took myself out for a very lovely dinner and enjoyed not listening to the argument of where everyone was willing to eat. I went where I wanted and enjoyed my own company. I returned home relaxed and calm and offered no explanation except to Isaac when he humbly apologized for his part in the evening and asked why I left. I have informed folks that I will happily oblige any time they tell me to go away. There seems to have been a shift in attitudes since then. Ahhh, sweet release in any form, escape or shift, is such a good thing.

Thanks once again for the expressions of support.

Slice of Lime-Bridge Over Troubled Water

When I was feeling so frustrated, defeated and totally unsupported by Mr. Lime earlier this week a lot of you were very supportive here. At one point I put my iPod on for a momentary escape. I needed something quiet and soothing to listen to so I choose Simon & Garfunkel. When this song came up I knew that's what friends had been. The question became how to illustrate it. So don't worry if I look depressed in these shots. I'm doing better now and this is a just a dramatic re-enactment. Thanks again.

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

If you Can't Say Something Nice...Let a JPEG Say It.

Once again, thanks to each of you for the words of support, advice and encouragement. I really do appreciate each person who took the time to give that kindness. So today here is just a bunch of things I have collected over time relate somewhat and make me snicker a bit. Sorry I can't really even remember where I got most of this stuff or I'd give credit. I thought I'd share it with all of you anyway and maybe you all get a chuckle too. Thanks again.

This one actually came just yesterday in an email from Maddy.

I think this came from Sheri. You'll have to ask her where she got it.

This is done by Saxton Freymann and Joost Elffers but it's what I'd like to give each of you. Thanks everyone.

UPDATE 9:12 AM: This video absolutely cracked me up! And to answer the question posed there. Yes, I think it is art. It's damned clever.

Thank You For Your Support

In the last 24 hours...

I have been told, "I hate you."

I have found the birthday presents I gave the child who hates me stacked up on my bed with a note that says, "I don't want these."

I have been told her birthday celebration on Saturday completely sucked because although I made the cake she requested and the meal she wanted (labor intensive roti and curried potatoes & chick peas plus pasta salad and hamburgers for the 4 grandparents I knew would never eat curry. Oh, yeah, did I mention it was 95 degrees while I spent all afternoon over the stove?) I failed to include spaghetti as requested. It also sucked because everyone paid more attention to the friend she had over than to her. We had the friend over for 2 nights in a row at my daughter's request.

I took her and her sister shopping for the bathing suits they needed. The one behaving hatefully decided to have fits when I nixed suits I considered immodest. She slammed doors in my face and her sister's face.

I have taken her bedroom door off the hinges and she has no phone, TV, or computer privileges until she shapes up. However, Mr. Lime informed me I am being too harsh with her.

Mr. Lime then informed me that the transmission in my car will be $1300 to replace with a rebuilt one and no warranty or $3000 to replace with a new one and a warranty but he's just going to bring it home and plunk it in the driveway because we don't have the money. Then he reminded me he's driving to Louisiana for 6 weeks, oh, and Diana might stay with him for the 6 weeks instead of just the week and a half planned. He's so noble to sacrifice so much of his summer to do hurricane recovery work.

The child behaving hatefully called me 10 minutes ago to ask me to bring her forgotten English textbook to school. Mr. Lime rode his bicycle to work even though he has a motorcycle. His truck is in the driveway. It barely has any gas.

No, I don't think I will.

Flattery Will Get You a Meme

Phaedrous has been blogging almost as long as I have and I've been reading him nearly as long. In spite of such longevity in the blogosphere he only recently got his first tag. Then he passed it on to me. Now I did this meme not that long ago but I am of the opinion that we should be gentle with the recently deflowered meme virgins (plus he said some nice things about me when he tagged me) so I will take up the tag. I think Embee tagged me with the same thing a couple weeks ago and I declined at the time, so this one's for you too Embee.

1. What was I doing ten years ago?

Thinking it would be nice to turn 30, maybe I'd finally be taken seriously. I'm feeling much less excited about 40 as it approaches.


2. What are five things on my list to do today?

Go to the bank
Clean the kitchen
Try not to sweat to death
Mess with someone's mind
Overthrow the government of San Marino.


3. Snacks I enjoy?

The blood of my enemies


4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?

Two guys at the same time.


5. Three of my bad habits?

Leaving my dirty socks all over the living room.
Dumping my school stuff in the middle of the foyer.
Never helping clean the kitchen unless I am threatened with the severest consequences.

Oh, wait...you said MY bad habits, not those of my children and husband....


6. Five places I have lived?

Across the street from a high school football stadium.
Across the street from a halfway house for the State Mental Hospital.
Across the street from a former airline executive.
Across the street from a house that 2 large, live WW2 era shells were found in the walls during a renovation.
Across the street from a child molester (may he rot in hell).


7. Five jobs I've had?

You mean the ones for which I have been monetarily compensated or the 100 different ones I do as a wife and mother?


8. How did you name your blog?

I christened it with a bottle of champagne. Then I had to get a new keyboard and monitor.

Friday55 & Da Count-We Want a Pitcher...

FRIDAY 55


Man, these guys are hitting and I'm walking others. I gotta start throwing strikes.

Doh! Not another walk!

Oh boy, here comes coach. Now I'm in for it. "Hey, Isaac. I was wondering...who's the prettiest girl in school?" Huh? Um....well, Julie is kinda cute. "Good, think about her instead of how you're pitching."



DA COUNT

If you've ever wondered what they talk about on the mound the above conversation really happened. I also know that another time when Isaac was having a rough time Mr. Lime stomped out to the mound looking a little miffed. He looked Isaac straight in the eye and said, "I want you to remember one thing...Poodles suck!" Isaac giggled. No, that wasn't code for anything. He just tossed a non sequitur in there the same way the other coach asked about pretty girls simply to distract the kid because he overthinks and gets all worked up when he pitches.

I know I counted it last season but again I just want to count coaches who keep things positive and light most of the time. We really lucked out in that regard. Isaac played ball last fall and was put on a team with a couple of testosterone soaked apes for coaches. Those guys were just out for wins at any cost and they often berated players. Isaac hated every minute of being on that team. After that experience it makes us appreciate the coaches we have for regular season even more.

As for the above pictures I have to give credit where it's due. I did not take them. One of the players' mothers has a camera with one of those massive paparazzi lenses and she takes scads of pictures at every game so we can all have great shots of our kids. So I am counting her kindness as well this week.

Slice of Lime-Karaoke

So the question was what song to use this week. I was goofing around with quizzes and such and had to laugh when this was my result on one of them.

Your Karaoke Theme Song is "Baby Got Back"

You're a total show off who is willing to risk looking like a fool to get a few laughs. In fact, you'll go for the cheap laugh if you need to... because it's better than no reaction! (It's also better than making the audience cry with my horrendous singing voice.) Your friends can count on you to get a party started, and you'll party hard until you can't remember their names. You're charismatic, charming, and a total character. With or without a few drinks in you.(I told you I'd dance on the bar even without drinking.) You might also sing: "I Touch Myself," "Oops I Did it Again," or "My Humps" (For my next number I'll sing "My Humps" while dressed as Igor from "Young Frankenstein" and I'll still be completely sober.) Stay away from people who sing: "Candle in the Wind"

What's Your Karaoke Theme Song?



With that I give you my Slice of Lime for this week.
I like big butts and I cannot lie....

Flash of Inspiration

Yesterday Flash posted a list of the 10 best compliments he's ever received because as his mom advised when he was a kid, “Forget the bad stuff said about you and always remember the compliments.”

That was advice I needed to hear in light of yesterday's post and the hurtful things that have been hurled at me this week. So, with that I will share my Top Ten...well, 10 that I can remember and that made me beam or made me laugh.

1. Your breasts make splendid pillows. Spoken by Isaac when he was about 9 or 10 and we were snuggled up on the couch watching TV. I almost split a gut laughing.

2. If I'm going to die, I want to die in your arms. I don't know if you'd call this a compliment but when it's spoken by someone who doesn't have a lot of time left it tends to stick with you.

3. Do you still write beautiful stories? This was what my second grade teacher asked me every time she saw me over the years, even after I was married with children.

4. I knew you belonged in college but didn't know how you'd do it financially because I had no way to help you. I'm proud of you for figuring it out. I didn't realize how hopeless Mom felt about this and given that she is about the best problem-solver and most resourceful person I know, this meant a lot.

5. Well done, Miss Lime. Nicely argued. (with a slight bow and a smile) Said by my 12 grade Economics teacher who I was sure would hit the roof when I finally nailed him to the wall in a debate. Instead he had this classy response. My respect for him took an exponential leap when I realized he wasn't about winning but about proving you reasoned well.

6. You make a damn fine Funny Cake. Your mother taught you well. Dad is not one to ever give praise. On the exceedingly rare occasions he does it is always qualified by some statement of how I missed perfection in some way. This is the single bit of unqualified praise he gives and he includes my mother (who he often took delight in criticizing) so it's a bonus.

7. Even at your worst you are still beautiful to me and that's when I get a chance to show you how much I love you. Well, that still makes me choke up.

8. I LOVE your mind! I've heard it after spirited discussion on points of disagreement and after describing creative forms of retribution for deserving parties. It's all good. This is high praise to me.

9. Thank you for helping me finally beat this bozo with a better patient story! Upon my discharge from OT to get my arm working again, one of my therapists gave me a hug and said this knowing me well enough to know I'd laugh (Hey, 3x a week for 6 and a half months, you get to know a person). Apparently the previous winning patient story of how a person got injured was a lady who dislocated her shoulder when she threw her hands in the air during a roller coaster descent. My tale of backyard ziplining disaster demolished that along with my arm. Woohoo!

10. Your grandmother was so proud of what you were doing in Trinidad. At Nana's funeral I was a weepy mess. One of her friends said this to me and I can't tell you what it meant because when we told my family we were moving to Trinidad EVERYONE was against it.


Now, as you know I have had some crap days lately. Yesterday, was a continuation of that unpleasantness and by the end of the day I was just spent. Then Isaac announced he needed art supplies for a project that is due today so off I trudged to the craft store. The cashier was a pleasant, cheery girl with a beautiful smile. After she handed me the bag and receipt and smiled again, making eye contact I said, "I've been dealing with grouchy, miserable people for 3 days. Yours is the first smile I have seen today. It's lovely. Thank you for giving it to me." She turned 10 shades of pink, smiled again, and said, "Thank you."

So my request of you is to either steal this and do it at your own place or share your favorite compliment in the comments. Then make sure you give someone around you a sincere word of praise.

Thanks also to those who took time to leave words of encouragement yesterday whether it was here or in email or any other fashion. They are very appreciated and not at all taken for granted.

Tired

It's been a long damn school year. It's almost over. All three of the kids have had a rough time for one reason or another. Sometimes one will, this is the first time all three of them have. They are tired. I am tired. I've tried to be understanding. I've tried to make home the refuge it should be. I get surliness in return.

Part of me is looking forward to summer vacation so I don't have to drag my butt out of bed at 5:30 am every day for a while and then wrangle three kids at that hour. Part of me is dreading it because Mr. Lime plans to be gone for 6 weeks this summer. Last summer there was no time that we all reconnected as a family. Things aren't looking good for this summer to be one of family time with plans like that. The plans I've been trying to make for the kids and me are being met with resistance.

The last two days have been full of conflict. I'm tired of being around people who are either miserable, nasty, or who regard me as nothing but a personal servant. I let them know. Then I drove around for a while until I found somewhere quiet.








Mr. and Mrs. Hughes didn't bitch at me, or say hurtful things, or demand anything of me. They let me sit under their nice, shady maple while I watched the sunset in peace. Mr. Hughes' flag was all knocked over so I fixed it. I figured it was the least a WWI veteran deserved since he was nice enough to let me visit in peace. I admired their geraniums that someone actually took time to plant. Nice to see someone cares enough to visit and keep the place nice. It was nice to make the acquaintance of Mr. and Mrs. Hughes. I might go back sometime.

Grownup Meme

Meant to be completed by those out of high school) Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? 'Have you ever kissed someone?' 'Missed someone?' 'Told someone you loved them?' 'Drank alcohol?' Here are 50 questions for the people who are a little more "mature"...

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Credit card. I hate that they get used and that balances carry over.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Ok wait, let me regain composure....

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
I thought you said these questions would be more mature...

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Honey, I don't need a drop of alcohol to be willing to dance on a bar.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?

Senora Zorro (It just sounds more fun to say Mrs. Fox in Spanish..Sorry I don't know how to type a tilde and have it hover over the n...Yes, it will bother me that I have Senora without a tilde. I could have called her Madame Renard but that sounds less impressive than Zorro. So it's a tilde-less name even though my linguistic OCD will be kicked in all day now.)


6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Riding a lover and crying out his name in the throes of passion. What? I thought we were grownups here.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?

Oh, I get it, you think if you change the verb tense it makes it more age appropriate to ask this....

8. How many colleges did you attend?

For credits or just for causing mayhem?

9. What made you decide to wear the shirt you have on right now?

You're assuming I am wearing a shirt.

10. GAS PRICES?
Don't even start me on my conspiracy theories, though I have to say...did you know gasoline has hit $10 a gallon in Uganda?

11. Where would you move if you could live anywhere?

Someplace close to both water and mountains, has a temperature range of 70-80, low humidity, beautiful scenery, and no earthquakes

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Make it STOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Well, I was busy calculating pi to the 47,523rd decimal. You're yawning just thinking about that aren't you? See! It works!

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Clean, not granny, not butt floss.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Silk boxers, baby....mmmmmmmm

16. What errand/chore do you despise?

Dusting is just beyond pointless


17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Gee, doesn't being an at home mom qualify in either of those categories?

18. Get up early or sleep in?

Hahahahahahaha, do you really have to ask?

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?

Bugs Bunny rules but Spongebob has grown on me.

22. When did you first start feeling old?

The first time I went to a doctor who was quite obviously younger than me.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Soylent Green

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
This is where I split semantic hairs. The wedding is the ritual. Marriage is the state of existence after the wedding ritual.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?

Why should pleasure cause guilt?

31. What's your favorite alcoholic drink?

Cider for whenever, Veuve Clicquot for special.

32. Cowboys or Indians?

How about I dress up like the nubile young Indian maiden and you dress up like the tough but tender cowboy?

33. Cops or Robbers?

Fuck the robbers, been there, done that, had the PTSD to go with it.

34. Who from high school would you like to run into?

You mean with my car?

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?

That's the thing I listen to when my iPod battery needs recharging right?

36. Movies or Documentaries?

Yes, thanks. Let's hit the matinee. It's cheaper then.

37. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?

Meh, neither...Antiques Roadshow, Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Pleading the 5th

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?

I am Mistress of my Domain, no one sits across from me.

41. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?

Who's paying?

42. What famous person would you like to sleep with?

Do you mean as in curl up and begin snoring or do you mean have sex with? Because if this meme is for grownups I think we ought to be able to call it whatever it really would be.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?

I have indeed. May I just say that dry chemicals rapidly exiting an extinguisher then mixed with burning bacon grease creates a fascinating dispersal pattern in a tiny galley kitchen.

44. Last book you read for real?

Well, let's see...I only pretend I read War and Peace so I guess that would be Sue Bender's Plain and Simple: One Woman's Journey to the Amish

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?

Well given that I can't take my teeth out and brush them somewhere other than in my mouth I really can't think of any.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Why must I choose between them. If I am a grown up don't I get the right to say 'both?'

50. Just how OLD are you?

Older than my tits and my teeth.